Evening Guys, feeling pretty down and anxious.... I hate being so scared of my own brain :(

[Roserose]

My brain just thinks the most ridiculous things, I'm finding it all so distressing. Just want the thoughts to disappear. I know I'd be so happy without them.........

Rose x

P.s. I hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

[london-man]

Hi Rose, ive just been looking up stuff on the net on ways to change the mind and boost the good chemicals in the brain. I know how you feel, hang in there xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Rose

Sorry you are not feeling so good

You were so positive the other day which was lovely to see , I suppose this is anxiety , one day good the next well....

You have been so kind since you joined asking after others & all about them , & I feel guilty , I have never asked much about you & its good to get to no people

Do you work Rose ? i just ask as I no some find working a distraction

I dont , but I keep so busy in the house , this helps to distract me & keep the thoughts at bay

I am lucky as well , I do have family & hubby supporting me , they may not understand me , but they are there for me

You said you were spoken for , does your OH support you , I hope so , because you deserve it

love

whywhy

xxx

[Roserose in reply to Hidden]

Evening Whywhy Don't be sorry, I haven't asked much about you? I don't work at the moment but I do have a camera and am in the middle of setting up my webpage. It's going to be called 'RosePetal Photography' I guess I could say I'm working towards that at the moment. I have three shoots lined up this week and recently did a bridal shoot for a local magazine. Nothing big, it wasnt paid or anything like that, but a lot of fun and have been editing 2/3 images from that shoot.

How old are you whywhy? if you don't mind me asking?

Yes, my other half is amazing, he is the most wonderful man I have ever met. Everything I could have hoped for and more (sorry getting cheesy now lol) I am indeed a very lucky girl, and his family have supported me through out. I don't ask much of my family as my dad is a bit of an odd ball and my mum has enough on her plate as it is she doesn't need more.

How is your evening lovely? xxx

[Hidden in reply to Roserose]

Well Rose , I think as I have been on here a while , I just think everyone knows me & all about me

As for age , well that made me laugh , as my mum used to say , I am as old as my tongue & a little bit older than my teeth

I am not surprised to hear you are modelling , whether its paid or not & I thought you pic was very professional , is that one you did for something else , because its very good

No you are not getting cheesy , again not surprised you have a wonderful man , & why not say if you have , I do to

Well would be even happier if he was Will-i-am , o thats one thing about me , have a big crush on Will-i-am & am going to see him in concert in December

Do you get to go out a lot ?

Sorry your Dad is an odd ball as you put it , which made me smile at your description of him , has he always been this way , do you think its added to your anxiety ?

Well I am a Mum & I no you say yours has alot on her plate , mine no I have my problems , but they still no I want to no theirs if they have any , maybe your Mum would want to support you if she knew , you were having problems

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Roserose in reply to Hidden]

I do model but I'm switching up the roles and photographing models a lot more now. I also do the make up now.

haha Will I am !! that's awesome. (Big question is does your partner mind lol) He makes me laugh so much, I'd love him to be my best mate think it would be so funny! He's such a joker. His cheeky grin tops it off.

I go out and about most days I try to if I can. Filmed a zombie music video today for my friends band. was hysterical.

Yeah a big odd ball He's so formal, there is no warmth there, everything is matter of fact. and yes it is definitely somewhere my anxiety stems from. When I got Ill and couldn't work all he did was have a go at me and told me I was pathetic if I wasn't earning an income.

My mum does know about my problems but I don't let on how bad they are. I have two sisters with special needs and my mum suffers from depression and anxiety... she was hospitalised at one point and its because she had so much on her plate and no help from dad.... alas I was the one always picking up the pieces and playing the role of supportive husband ALOT of the time. This is why I don't tell her too much. But she is my best friend and a true gem with such a warm heart. I love and admire her more than anything.

so that's a bit about me

How long have you been Will I Am mad? xxxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to Roserose]

That's a shame you cant talk to your mum rose, she would no doubt want to help. You say you model , that takes some getting into, who do you model for if you don't mind me asking? and you photograph models as well, this is all good and can keep your mind busy distracting them thoughts. Can you not try and speak to your dad, and explain, with the more help you have the better.

Bonnie

xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Roserose]

You seem to have a very interesting life , it all sounds very exciting

Sorry your Dad hasnt been understanding , but he must see how well you are doing now & settled & happy with someone , surly he must be happy for you

Must be hard on your Mum & you trying to play the role of husband gosh , lots came to mind , a female cant do a mans role & you look so young , what a lot of pressure for you to have had to think you had to do that

Are your sisters younger ? I am sorry both of them have difficulties

O me & Will , well I have always liked him , but since been on the Voice & like you say , I love his personality , I like different lol & for me as well I do find him pleasant to the eye lol so yea its an on going thing

People have been putting pics on to cheer everyone up of their animals , I keep sneaking one on of Will , because I dont have pets

OH , he is so lovely , & feels secure with me & if it makes me happy , he is happy , & like he says , he would soon send me back , he wouldnt cope with you like I do

But he doesnt mind me having my little dream , as we no thats all it will ever be

If you ever get to take pics of Will , dont forget to give me a shout

O who took your lovely profile pic of you , was that on one of your recent shoots , its very professional , I am sure you will get work doing this soon

xxx

[Roserose in reply to Hidden]

I haven't seen my dad since I left and spoken briefly when he called to say my sister had had a little girl. but apart from that...

My sisters are older. they are both almost 30 now. And don't apologise they are perfect just the way they are.

so your having a bit of a 'fantomance' with will I am haha! go for it. Awww my partner teases me like that all the time. Always says 'I took her off the shelf'. silly boy lol.

You will be the FIRST to know I promise xxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Roserose]

So you are an Aunty

Thats great , nice to be able to pass them back at the end of the day

I am not sure looking how you do , how your OH could say he took you of the shelf , he is lucky you let him

Well if you ever want to join in picture time , would love to see more of your photography , no , pressure , but it would always be welcome

xxx

[Roserose in reply to Hidden]

yes an aunty to the beautiful Sofia Elizabeth. Yeah I'd love to do that. How does it work???

Oh don't worry he knows, he tells me he's lucky everyday with out fail

xxxxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to Roserose]

I have two grandsons, but don't see them much with this anxiety, are you able to take Sofia out and enjoy spending time with her , children are the best when very young.

Bonnie

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Roserose]

Putting pics on ?

When you do a post , as you go down it says do you want to add them & I am sure you will no how to do the rest ,I am still learning , read down as you do a post

Thats a beautiful name as well , you have all girls on your side of the family then

xxx

[Roserose in reply to Hidden]

haha yes, I have three sisters in total and my eldest sister has two daughters. I do hope we break the tradition soon though. think having a boy would be awesome.

Okay ill try add a photo.... when you add a photo do you post a message with it? xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Roserose]

Yes we are the same & then I had a son , so eventually there is a chance of breaking the tradition , who knows you could be the one to do it

You could put a little message , just saying , something like this is what I enjoy doing , or what ever you like

xxx

[bonnie1959]

Hi roserose, have you got anything that can divert your thoughts, for a little while, I have two dogs that sometimes help if I play with them for a bit. Do you have any pets you could do this with.

Bonnie

xxx

[Roserose in reply to bonnie1959]

Hi Bonnie, I don't unfortunately. my dog lived at home with the family Would love a cat though xxxxxxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to Roserose]

I had a cat but lost her due to old age, 3 years ago. I see you do photography , my youngest daughter does that, as a side line to her regular job, she does weddings. its a shame you cant talk to you mum, I wish I had mine right now to talk to, I see you speak of your mum and dad. dads rose can come across as odd sometimes when we are young, mine did, but not now, hes all I have got with mum gone. I live on my own with my two daughters, my son has his own place and two children, my daughters are company when they are here. Does your OH live with you,? so you have company, and someone to talk to.

Bonnie

xxxx

[Hidden in reply to bonnie1959]

Bonnie,is 1959 your date of birth?

[bonnie1959 in reply to Hidden]

Yes Lindalou it is, unfortunately , lol

Bonnie

xxx

[Hidden in reply to bonnie1959]

that made me laugh yes unfortunatley

xxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to Hidden]

Behave. lol

Bonnie

xx

[Roserose in reply to bonnie1959]

Awww I'm sorry about the loss of your cat Bonnie. xxx and I'm very said to hear of the loss of your mum. Mum's are amazing arent they? That's cool how long has she been doing it for?

I can talk to my mum but she has been through so so much in the past 30 years I don't want to add to her plate. She's a 24/7 carer of my sisters (who are now 26 and 28) and has sacrificed so many things for their happiness because our happiness is hers. She is still there if I need her.... when I went home when I got so ill I couldn't work or leave my bed and was too scared to sleep at night she would sleep in my bed with me and make me feel safe. She even bought my meds when I had no money even though she has little herself. Such a selfless beautiful woman. Sh'es my best friend and I love her dearly.

as for living with my other half, we moved in just before I got ill, I decided to move out because this illness was tearing us apart and I needed space and I didn't want to take him for granted. I have moved down the road. we still see each other all the time though, but its better this way for now, and he understands.

Lots of love xxxxxxxxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to Roserose]

My mum died in 2006 rose, also that was good of your mum to buy your meds, but when you was ill, and not working you would have been entitled to money and free meds. soon you will be able to get your relationship back on track I am sure, you do so much in the way of activities to help yourself, you will get rewards soon I am sure , and not far off recovery.

Bonnie

xxx

[Roserose in reply to bonnie1959]

Oh I'm sorry Bonnie. i'm sure she was a lovely lady xxxx

I am entitled to money and free meds? I didn't know any of this?

Yeah I hope so, I love him so much.

Congratulations in your steps to recovery Bonnie. I mean that. Keep going.... you will get there xxxxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to Roserose]

Yes I have been told today, I have to contact the CAB myself . how do you manage in your on place with no money coming in, you need to claim what you are entitled to rose, as I say I have got to do it, as no income coming in since April. I am not in recovery, I wish I was, I think you read that bit wrong darling , if only.

Bonnie

xxx

[Roserose in reply to bonnie1959]

I'll have to look into that then!! ah sorry Bonnie. Well I'm thinking of you, and you will still get there. Just takes time. Lots of Love xxxxxx

[LadySaabra]

Hello Rose.

I think nearly everybody here could say they have had some pretty irrational thoughts...I often wonder what I'm going to come up with next - does my head (and stomach) in too ;(

[Roserose in reply to LadySaabra]

I can't even say my thoughts out loud they are that irrational :(I feel your pain LadySaabra. I really do. xxxxxxx

[bonnie1959 in reply to LadySaabra]

yes it is the thoughts I think that run us, the only thing we can do is try and remember that anxiety lies, hope you feel better soon LadySaabre.

Bonnie

xx

[jsp83]

genuinely hope you feel better soon xxx

[Roserose in reply to jsp83]

Thank you so much Jsp, Ive been really busy today but will drop you a message tomorrow xxx