Hello all! I hope you’re all ok!
I’m really struggling recently. My partner and I had a miscarriage in March this year and we cried for a few days but then life had to carry on as normal and we got back to living our lives as usual. However, 4/5 weeks ago, I came home from work and just broke down in tears out of nowhere and was crying for 3 days. Since then I’ve had horrible thoughts in my mind about wether or not I love my partner, the thoughts have been so bad that I almost walked out on him twice. I just feel emotionally numb and unable to feel anything toward him, I don’t feel love, I don’t feel attraction but thoughts of not loving him and being without him are making me physically sick. I don’t enjoy anything I do anymore but my main worry is these intrusive thoughts about my love for him. Sometimes I have moments of clarity but even then I can get those thoughts creep in and then that’s when the urge to leave comes in. I’ve been put on antidepressants to help me cope which I have only been on for one day but I’m terrified that I’m going to end up losing my partner one way or another. We’ve been together for nearly 9 years with a 3 week break at 5. I don’t get excited when I think about our future anymore but in my head my future only exists with him in it. I just want to feel the love for him again and look at him the same way. I don’t know if this is grief, depression or both because I know that I don’t want to be without him.
X