Had a meeting with College today...

[MuffinChops]

I went in for a meeting to discuss plans of support for this coming new term in September. A few members of staff were there, I only knew one of them lol! My mum came with me, being 18 doesn't mean I can magically do it myself, haha. It went swimmingly well, I've been entered for a lower pressure course compared to what I took last year, a course with less students, so hopefully it won't be as much pressure. They have given me the option to go in during the holidays, before September, to have a bit of a 'breaking in' session, so I can spend time with the horses and get back in to the swing of it, which sounds good, but my laziness is kicking in haha, but I AM going! They even said I might get to ride, as I haven't ridden since I fell off and left College lol...

I am absolutely crapping myself, I am soo terrified, but going to that meeting and taking the first step to break the ice, was a massive and important thing for me. Staff said I look good, positive and brighter than I was last time they saw me, lol! I've got a riding assessment next month, so I've got to get back on a horse and remember how to make it go forwards heheh. I'm desperate to go to the doctors now and get some medication, I can tell, I am really going to need it, my anxiety is through the roof and it really will get me down again if the physical effects aren't sorted! It's the physical sensations of anxiety that caused problems last year, I was confident as anything until I started having panic attacks and all that jazz, most of my anxiety is learnt and related to a particular situation, now just thinking about what's going to happen in a few years time sends me in to a huge spiral.

So I'm feeling lazy, anxious but excited at the same time... I feel like I can't be bothered to go back, but I know that's just because I didn't enjoy it last year. I hope so much it goes well this time around and I can be successful, and most importantly, a survivor.

I am however, having a few un-related problems, me and my OH have been 'closer' (so to put it...) and since that night I've been feeling horribly sick every morning, and I'm late for my period. This is not what I need, and YES, we did use protection, so it's very weird. It's early days so I'm giving it a couple of weeks, if no better, then I'll go to the doctors. But then I keep thinking if I am pregnant, will I keep it, or terminate? My head says terminate, but my heart kind of wants it... :/ It's going to mess up College and most probably my entire life, and I will get depression, but could it be a good thing? I am both ways atm, but I shouldn't be thinking this yet, I don't even know, YES, I'm paranoid!

[Hidden]

Hello muffin

Well done you

I no that was a big step walking into college after everything & I think the course they are suggesting sounds great

I would take them up on the offer of going in to get used to things ,, I no you feel lazy lol but think it will benifit you before you start back

Try not to feel worried about how you feel about college if you can , my son has just done 3 years there , & he is all over the place if to do another one or not & he doesnt suffer with anxiety , these choices can be very difficult

As there doesnt seem to be many jobs round here at the moment , I have advised him that he might as well , go & see what this Diploma 3 is like as it would stand him in good sted later down the line , but if he finds its really not for him , he can change his mind , just like you can

OK the other problem you are worrying about (getting close )

Again I no anxiety makes us worry about everything but , as well as getting close , there could be several other reasons , stress , anxiety , your diet to name a few that can cause this & the more you stress on the "might be " the more it can delay your cycle

So see how things go , try to forget about it for now , I have 3 & imbetween had many a scare , in fact if every scare I have had over the years had come true , I could be here with 10 or more my now

If you think you need those meds , then go & see your GP hun

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

A pregnancy test from the pharmacy would tell you straight away,that is if you wanted to know,they are very accurate even if you a just a couple of days late.Good news about college and good luck.

[Hidden]

Thats another good answer Lindalou

Also got me thinking , muffin the morning after pill hun

You can either walk in any clinic , GP or nurse at surgery

There are now 2 they do , one you can take up to 3 days after & even one you can take up to 5 days after

If you are really worried , it wouldnt harm you no matter what

It would be better than having the worry

xxx

[bonnie1959]

Very good news about college Muffin, I hope you do go and try as it could be the breaking of the anxiety for you, a change of routine ,. Well done, and I think the hols visit to break in is a good idea, you could do that and see what you think

Bonnie

xxxx

[Hidden]

Well done on getting back into college..