slowing down

[marcusvanbreugel]

Dear All,

During my councelling the idea of taking things easy or slowing down has been mentioned, however, I don't appear or seem to be aware that I tend to rush around or do things in a fast pace. I became a bit more self aware this evening.

I decided to slow down a bit this evening, after which I appeared to become more aware of my physical state, and then became aware that I feel a bit like a car that has been driving at a fast pace or high speedy for a long time and it is time to slow down, possibly to give the engine a rest, or the engine and the car a rest.

The next thing after the rest is to find out why I have been doing that and why I haven't taken a break before.

I have just become a little bit emotional and it was almost as if I felt some tears somewhere. At the moment I feel a little bit as if there are some tears somewhere possibly. It might be tears for the hard times I have been through.

I need to go slow. I need to look after myself.

lots of love,

Marcus xxx

[fadedlizard]

It's very good advice, Marcus.

I do this too. Also even if I don't think I'm doing a lot physically often my mind is going at 100 miles an hour and I'm so used to it I don't even notice. I'm almost never in the present. I'm either ahead planning, preparing and predicting everything I have to do or I'm in the past reviewing and rehashing everything I've done.

It is exhausting. And it's a form of avoidance - if I never stand still IT won't be able to catch up. Trouble is you can't run forever and you can't run from yourself.

I know this but I still find it so hard to slow down and find time for me.

Love and Hugs,

Lizard.xxx

[marcusvanbreugel]

Dear Lizard,

I like what you have written. I like the word avoidance.

big hugs,

Marcus xxx

[fadedlizard in reply to marcusvanbreugel]

It's a lot of work to stay in the NOW but I'm trying.xxx

[marcusvanbreugel in reply to fadedlizard]

Dear Lizard,

I wish you well.

Since I have now felt what I feel like when I slow down I have to remember that feeling, even though that feeling is not always obvious.

a big hug,

Marcus xxx

[hamble99b]

marcus, I find great relief and release from tears.

sometimes the rears need no reason that I know of,or am aware of to be there.

there is a saying

"unexpressed emotions don't go away"

I've found this so true.

they wait until you least expect them and show up.

i've found myself gently weeping while watching tv or even in asda!

unaware until I realise the neck of my top is wet, or someone asks if I'm ok..

I am glad that you have taken this huge step.

take your rest and find somewhere safe where you can feel the feelings.

remember that, whatever comes, you have carried them with you for a long time and been safe, you will be now, just more aware.

also, enjoy the good things you will remember and take time to savour them and the new ones still to come.

keep in touch..

regards,

sandra.

[marcusvanbreugel in reply to hamble99b]

Dear Sandra,

I am impressed by your words, they are kind and positive.

a lovely hug,

Marcus xxx

[fadedlizard in reply to hamble99b]

I need to think about that more, Sandra. My whole life is about avoiding feelings (not sure what or why). That's what the bulimia and the SI are all about - self anaesthesia. I have never thought that I carry those feelings with me anyway whether I feel them or not. An interesting thought.xxx

[Blorengia]

As Sandra says, tears can be a wonderful release of emotion. For me they are a way of letting out tension. I don't cry often but I shed a few this morning after a third poor night's sleep in a row I was feeling low and a bit desperate.

Take some ease, Marcus, be kind to yourself.

(hug)

[marcusvanbreugel in reply to Blorengia]

Dear Blorengia,

Thank you for your kind words. I have cried in the past and have found it to be some sort of release.

a lovely hug,

Marcus xx