Fed up with myself

I have panic attacks for the last 20 yrs on and off. Last year was dreadful for me I lost my mum to brain cancer in May, I broke my wrist in September and my Nana ( mums mum) died in December. I also got married in April I wanted my mum to be a part of the celebration, she was.

Anyway I got though a few 1st anniversaries just about ok! The odd anxiety attack thrown in for good luck.

Then in April time I fell to bits. My tablets (citralopram) decided not to work so I was upped to 30mg which seemed to make me worse. So I was changed to propranolol in the morning and dosulepin 75mg at night.

Whilst I took all 3 I seemed ok.

I stopped taking citralopram off 10mg and have felt terrible ever since (about 5 weeks ago)

I am now anxious nearly all day, frightened of people coming to the house except my family, can just about nip to the local shops. I got scared this week that hayfever could some some significant harm to me, now I know that is irrational but I cannot stop it!

My husband keeps falling out with me and telling me to snap out of it, which I cannot do.

My sense of humour and play has disappeared and I feel like I am letting my children down.

Ps I'm very hard on myself.

Sorry for the very long blog and the spelling!

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Hi Winter

Welcome to the site

You have been through a lot

I would go back to docs tell them how you feel & tell them your meds are not working & what you felt worked the best

Also after everything you have been through , maybe some counselling might help , which again your GP could refer you for

I understand everything you are feeling & others on here will relate to , so you are not on your own

Sorry your hubby doesn't seem very supportive , people that don't suffer , can find this very hard to understand & their reaction is to snap out of it , as they think that's all it takes , but we no on here its not that easy , if only it was

We all seem to be hard on ourselves , but we shouldn't , if you were suffering with anything else you wouldn't & this is an illness , anxiety , so try & be kind to yourself

You are not letting your children down , I am sure you are a great Mum , you don't feel great at the moment , but keep talking on here & slowly with help , things will improve

Love

whywhy