Had a terrible day at work... probably the worst I've ever had come to think of it! Literally one thing after the other went wrong all day. And to top it off following a crappy day at work it was my turn to visit my nan (shes in a care centre at the moment before she moves into assisted living in a couple of weeks) and the first thing she said was how disappointed that she was as she thought my uncle was visiting this evening, not me. How lovely...
Really don't quite know how I feel about all of this... I know that deep down I want to scream and if anybody crosses me right now I think I might just snap... but at the same time I'm kind of numb which makes me think that all the anxiety is going to hit me at some point later in the week my CBT therapist says I need to learn to accept myself and to like myself but right now I can't even imagine feeling that way. I just can't seem to dig myself out of this, every time I start to I get knocked back down again... Starting to wonder whats the point, and am I ever going to feel like myself again?
Had to smile , that would happen to me , in fact it has , gone to the effort to see someone & then they have said " o its you " I remember my nan , whenever you went to see her , she always spoke about everyone that hadn't been to see her & I would think I don't no why I have bothered
I do think it may be an age thing , I no deep down they appreciate us been there
Keep up with the CBT , is not a quick fix , but give it chance
We are all aiming to feel like our selves again & I hope we all achieve this
Hope you feel better today & hope your Uncle visits you nan & she will perhaps say to him she thought you were visiting her today
love
whywhy
xxx
• in reply to
Thanks whywhy
I really need to learn not to nan get to me - she can vile to everyone involved, it was just the last thing I needed after such a crappy day! I can't say that today has been much better, but I should be getting finished early and on the plus side I'm going straight home - no nan visits! Feet up in front of the TV for me.....!
I totally agree with whywhy, we are here for you to moan and be exactly what you are feeling as on here we understand and aren't here to judge but maybe we can make you feel you are not alone and that your feelings are justified. If you want to scream then do it. It sometimes helps release the tension of the day, cbt takes time so keep going but just know what you experienced today and how u ended up feeling is how most would feel. My grandparents were the sam, I heard how wonderful the rest of my cousins were and then always had the comment "still not lost much weight hey?" Made me feel deflated and why did I bother but it's only years down the line that my other cousins said she was the same with them, always talking about my brother and me.
The fact you went to visit shows you are a kind person. Hope you day is better and the week proves to be a better one let us know how you get on and take care xxx Lou
Thanks for replying... I am feeling better today though could still do with having a scream and a shout lol. What is it with grandparents?! I have been putting up with verbal abuse from this woman for years and yet I'm still shocked and hurt every time she says something nasty ("Oh it's you" is actually one of her nicer comments!) but I guess she's not going to change now so I just need to learn to ignore it. And as you said, I know she's not particularly nice to others, it just depends who is in favour this week!
May I say however, do you not feel you are placing far too much focus on yourself. It sounds to me that there is a lot around you that you cannot control, which you are bringing upon yourself and using it to bash yourself up.
Go easy on yourself!
Regardless of the outcome you're doing your best and you can't control how your nan, for example, will react to that.
If you're having a bad day that's ok, give yiourself permission to have a bad day. We all have bad days regards of our mental wellness, Giving yourself permission is a positive perspective on whats going on in the moment. At the same time however, feel your heart with hopefulness that "this too will pass", and better moments will follow.
If you think this is preceding a period of anxiety then do what you can to prepare for it and do what you must to look after yourself.
I beat myself up over everything and I know I do it. It's only after I'm emotionally exhausted from it all that I realise what I've done to myself..... and it's a pattern that keeps repeating. Something I definitely need to break!
I totally agree with Peter x there are days i just don't cope we'll and I used to blame and hate myself for not doing enough but it only made things worse and carried it forward in the week. Best to accept a bad day and move on xxx people get set in their ways and its not a reflection on you it's the way they are so you nan can't and won't change now so just let it go in one ear out the other xxxx
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my CBT therapist says I need to learn to accept myself and to like myself but right now I can't even imagine feeling that way. I just can't seem to dig myself out of this, every time I start to I get knocked back down again... Starting to wonder whats the point, and am I ever going to feel like myself again? 
Tingling numb 
Another day with this hell..
PAINS ARE AWFUL
First Day.
one day
