There are many many lovely people on this site.One or two have noticed that I have not been my usual self today so I am going to blame it on my local branch of Sainsbury. Ho Ho.
Recently I have been trying to get my wife to take a break from caring for me 24/7.But she won't bless her.
So says I let's see about buying me a wheelchair and perhaps I can come down the Town with you and do a bit of shopping and have a bite to eat.
Laugh....buy a wheelchair....I might have well been looking for a Rolls Royce.We wanted a fold up one so that it would fit in a taxi.The cheapest one we found was £299 and that didn't
even make the tea.
Ah Ha me thinks I'll try E Bay.Success I found one for £39 50.Downer.... it was "spares or repair" it only had one wheel.
So good old internet a quick look round and Yes the good old Red Cross would let me "borrow" one for £20 plus delivery.
So on Saturday armed with said wheelchair.taxi arrives and off to Sainsbury.
It was good,there was another wheelchair user there and we had a race around the aisles.We lost so I told the wife to lose some weight.
Shopping done we headed for the wide aisle checkout and placed our shopping on the conveyor belt.....In front was a large gentleman with an even larger bottom.........My God I whisper to the wife "I hope he doesn't fart. Sitting in a wheelchair one's nose can find itself in funny places.
Conveyor belt starts to roll ,wife runs off to do the packing.Shopping all packed and in the trolley.Then comes the BFG Cashier.Big fxxxing Gremlin.£69.98 she says.
So trusty debit card into machine pin number entered.......Bang.......Transaction declined.Try again says the BFG............Bang same result...........Now BFG is out of order "You old people should check you have enough money to pay,now someone's got to put all that back.
A few sniggers from the mounting queue behind.
Wife starts to cry......BFG out of order...........I may be old but I knew I had more than enough to cover that order. Grogboy now going all shades of purple.Get me the manager I demand at full voice. Oh what a surprise Manager not available.Over comes checkout Supervisor.Clearly a VIP Her uniform is a different colour.
"I can hold your shopping for half an hour says VIP If you have enough money in your account you can go to the bank and pay for your shopping by cash.
Now ,safely,I can only walk 25yds.Bank is half a mile away.
Grogboy in terrible rage.Leaves wife with trolley,abandons wheelchair and stumbles up to bank,
Card goes in cash machine,,,,pin entered,,,,out comes money!! Grogboy goes into bank and starts to have a go.Sorry sir says the cashier may we check your card.A few seconds later she returns."Nothing wrong with your card sir must be a fault at Sainsbury.
Grogboy looks at watch. Only ten minutes before trolley is snatched from wife and contents returned to their places. Grogboy rushes (well almost) back to Sainsbury.
Wife is still waiting at rear of checkout surrounded by two security guards in case she runs for it without paying.
But what's this? A note on the front of the checkout.
DUE TO TECHNICAL PROBLEMS THIS CHECKOUT CAN ONLY ACCEPT CASH.
Manager appears...."Sorry sir " he says "it appears the machine was faulty"
Grogboy looks in trolley In the first bag is a family sized raspberry trifle.....Grogboy looks at manager's nice bald head.
No tempting but can.t be bothered.
Result we return home,poor wife still in tears, I go to bed exhausted, can't sleep pain in back pain in chest,legs like jelly.Still got pain, still worried,still can't sleep. But thanks to whywhy I've got this off my chest so the pain might go.
If you managed to read all this I owe you a medal