Please help me i need talking back up. Im feeling very low.

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Last week things were going fine the anxiety and horrible thoughts were on holiday. I even got a an x kiss on the end of a message from my ex (my sons mother) which meant alot.

Id seen the doctor earlier and was glad to be being referred for more CBT and a physio for lower backpain problems. So i felt some light at the end of the tunnel. I took my son home to his mums and was looking forward to talking to her as shed not been well either and was now better. After seeing my son in she then told me "shed met someone and been seeing them for the last three months and the kiss in the message was an accident". I couldnt help but welling up feeling angry with her and myself and really terrible that someone else will be with the mother of my child. Last night was a nightmare constantly reliving it through the night thinking the worst like if he stops want to see me and starts calling the new man daddy. I just didnt sleep and today the anxiety and depression has been here. To top it all this morning ive received the new esa questionaire as im receving incapacity benefit which i cant face this really worries me. I feel like im failing and im approaching the weekend and have been invited to a neighbour bbq and an aunts 80th birthday. Which i was looking forward to last week but now they are filling me with dread as im getting social anxiety.

I feel so bad about everything and i keep getting the thought of wishing to just stop living. Im getting a re-ocurring thought that it would be good if i could just pass away in my sleep. The thought of seeing my son again on Friday is my only light. I know i could never leave him but the anguish in between is terrible. Im lucky that or not that im back with my parents but they keep shifting from blaming me for the whole thing and then comforting me that its my ex in the wrong and that the new man wont last when he finds out what shes like.

But all this today has bought me back to here this blog cause i feel i cant talk to anyone about my feelings.

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Hi

Now , when my girls were young me & their Dad split up , I married again , but let me tell you , as much as the like my hubby , they only have one Dad & that's their real Dad , who they have always been very close to & as he is a good one even though we were no longer living together , they would have never needed or wanted to call any one else their Dad

So , you need to keep going ,& get well , your son will always be your son , & he will no that & if his mum has another 10 men in her life , as you will be a good Dad not one of them will ever replace you , believe me

Concentrate on getting well , keeping access to your son

Your parents , its their opinion , I would ask them to stop talking to me about it , its the pass

You look to the future

Love

whywhy

xxx

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Thankyou for your words whywhy. After a couple of days of being at odds with the world and waking up again feeling terrible this morning i managed to force myself to get up and into a routine for the day. I know ill always see my son every weekend and i know he looks forward to seeing me. Hes my light and we do alot together. Im sure well always be close.

I just do worry about when im not there and if he needs me. Anyway im picking him up tomorrow. Im glad i could get my feelings out here and that you were listening. Just typing it out helps. I just hope the gremlins stay at bay during the weekends (social) events. I dont seem to be dreading them at the moment but sometimes the anxiety just hits without warning.

Thankyou anyways for your words

x