CBT

CBT

Hi all,

So after being on a waiting list for a couple of months I finally had a consultation for me to begin CBT. Some interesting things popped up that I had never thought about before... I know that a lot of my anxiety stems from my grandmother and the way she treats me - basically I've been doing everything for her since my mum (her daughter) died 12 years ago. And no matter how much I do for her or how much of my time I put into helping her, it's never good enough. Anyway to cut a long story short.. my CBT therapist suggested that a huge part of my self-esteem issues are down to her and the way she treats me... (I know that sounds pretty obvious from the outside but I'd never really realised how bad things were.) And that maybe she has become the "voice" in my head that tells me how rubbish I am at everything, no matter what I achieve!!

So this might not sound like much but it was a bit of a breakthrough for me, to finally realise just how I've been treated like crap for so many years. However, even knowing this, I had a huge row with her on Friday, and I knew I was in the right and it was just her being a total cow... and yet I couldn't stop crying all evening. I know this sounds harsh but I can't even begin to describe the way I've been treated all these years and I actually just want to cut the ties and be done with her, (she is soon moving 70 miles away to live near my uncle, so she'll be his problem, finally!!) and yet I'm still letting her get to me. I just want to get to the stage where I can walk away without feeling guilty. Half the reason I've done so much for her (even though the rest of the family haven't bothered with her) is that I know I'd feel guilty if I didn't help her. But I can tell you now that NO-ONE in the family has been there for me, even when my mum died I was kind of left to get on with things.

Anyway this is probably a really rambling blog but I just felt that a few pennies had finally dropped in my head...I'm not really sure why it's taken so long for me to realise all of this but maybe now I can be kinder to myself. I have worked bloody hard to get where I am, I ditched a secure career to go back to studying in order to get to my dream job, all of this despite her crappy comments and my anxiety issues. So now I just need to figure out how to stop letting her nasty comments and manipulative ways get to me... suggestions welcome!!!

xx

6 Replies

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  • Hi

    I have had a similar problem with my Dad

    I no a lot of things stem from how he has treated & spoke to me

    I am waiting still for help , but I wrote him an email the other day , saying how he has made me feel

    I cried all the way through writing it , but that was because at last I was letting it all out

    I did get quite a good response , but no matter what , it feels good & I feel able to start to let it go now , as I have finally spoken out , took 50 years , but I said what I felt

    We may never have a brilliant relationship , but I now have no regrets as I said what I needed to

    I was polite the way I put it & he actually said he respected me for it

    Maybe you could write a letter , you may never send it , you may , it helps get everything out when you see it written down & maybe when she moves you might decide to send it her

    Let us no how this goes , but I do no how you feel

    Good luck with the rest of your CBT

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hello whywhy

    I'm sorry to hear you've been through so much with your dad. It's awful how it affects us years later. Well done for confronting him though, I'm glad you found the courage to do this and are feeling better because of it. Unfortunately I know this wouldn't be an option for me... my gran is a very manipulative, nasty woman and anything I'd tell her would be thrown back at me. I know this for a fact as I've seen other family members stand up to her, and its not worth the drama. I think this is probably why I've never spoken up - the drama and fighting that would follow would be dreadful so I've always stayed quiet. (Which has obviously gotten me nowhere!) But having said that I will try writing it all down, it is a really good idea and I think it might help me get my head around it all further, even if I never send it...

    Thank you and take care

    KM

    xx

  • Hi

    My Dad can be quite nasty , but if you feel it would do you more harm than good , then maybe not

    Like you have said though , write it down as if you were going to send it & then when you feel ready , you can have your own private moment & burn it & as you do tell yourself that is you letting go (if you no what I am saying )

    Maybe when she has left , this might be a good time , you will no

    I hope you let us no how this goes & if it helped & fingers crossed worked

    xxx

  • Hi I'm glad you have started cbt. I've been having therapy for a few months now and I know what you mean by "the penny dropping" when a therapist challenges your thinking or suggests why we feel how we do its a eureka moment and thank heavens someone has made sense if it.. And then I thought doh! Why have I put up with all this crap for so long? I felt quite angry and frustrated with myself. You need to spend time thinking and taking care of you for a while. Keep on with the cbt and try to open up as much as you can.. Let her have the tears and rants she will have seen it all before and keep blogging on here and we will try to advise (and make you laugh if you enter roses garden party) as much as we can. Take care love eve x

  • Hi Eve

    Thanks for your comment. It's strange isn't it how we can be so unaware of the way we're being treated! I have felt really angry with myself, as I've realised that I've been a doormat to this nasty woman for years and years. I do feel like I've reached a breaking point though - it's only a couple of weeks before she moves but I would quite happily never see her again as she's been a constant strain on me for so long. I think the CBT will help and I will keep at it :)

    Thank you, take care x

  • You are welcome x

    I know I've been a doormat for years... I think the words are tattooed on my forehead! I think whywhy,s suggestion of writing things down is a good idea. I've kept a diary from the time I first became ill and writing is very powerful. If you think there's little point sending the letters it will still be a way if clearing your head and maybe a little bonfire on the day she moves might help you let go of the frustrations... Ask your therapist too she might be able to advise something. Take care of yourself love eve x

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