Hard episode of depression

[Mentalhealthfighter]

Finally I've decided to write something. It's very hard to expressing feelings through words. I have been suffering from depression for many years. And I can’t take it anymore. My suicidal thoughts have increased. I can’t cope. I really want all this suffering to end. I was born into a dysfunctional family with emotionally immature parents. And as the eldest child, I have taken care of others all my life. I was deprived of support from an early age. I was always punished for showing anger, sadness and other negative emotions. Now it’s hard for me to even realize what emotions I feel, complete numbness. It’s even more difficult to express them, I can’t identify or name them. My parents were constantly arguing, I have no basic sense of security and I am permanently anxious. I have no social circle at all because all my friends dropped out during the illness. I feel total loneliness. I face constant misunderstanding. I have always been an achiever. I studied well and entered medical school. Knowing psychology helps me, but I constantly intellectualize and rationalize my emotions instead of really feeling them. I'm having an incredibly hard time right now. I don't see a way out. I just want this endless series of problems to end. I don't wanna wright this. But maybe I feel better after

[Nothingelsematters]

👩‍👩‍👦Hi, so sorry you feel this way. I am experiencing the same feelings as you. Indescribable Powerful negative emotions, feelings and complex mixed up racing thoughts. I wish I could find a way to get well. We just have to take it for a bit longer and hope things get better. You are not alone in this darkness I am here with you. Just you hang in there.❤️