Denial is a river in Egypt or how grief got me on a villain arc : Level 2. Anger. Grief solo leveling

[No_Longer_Human]

I asked myself - why am i so overwhelmed and irritable? Maybe because im humiliated and i was treated unwell. Why do people think im mean? Why did i start acting like my mother? Have i completely lost my mind? Am i a monster? Am i a b1tch? Am i really that bad? Am i really that lost? Am i crazy? Am i gone? My therapist gave up working with me. Am i gone? These feelings of being disqualified as a human. Am i a b1tch or am finally standing up for myself?

What triggered that shift?

Is that the case with my sister too?

Is this grief? Or just humiliation? Maybe I've moved out of my denial to anger? Who knows? But if i write a story, it would be good.

[jjpeabody]

If you've made it this far No_longer_human and you have, there is no stopping you now. You are like a beautiful butterfly coming out from it's metamorphosis from illusion , unwrinkling and stretching forth its beautiful golden and emerald studded wings making ready for the next part of your journey. You will also shed blaming your mother and father etc, for who can they blame for their negative thinking, feelings and actions. If you have that right to blame them, then so do they have the right to blame others, on and on and on generation after generation and decade after decade of historical environmental influences. It has no purpose or serves no relief. Commit, focus, and take action with all your positive talents like your endurance, determination, intelligence, writing skills, and desire to help others. Live in the Positive and be the best you can be daily, to yourself and others. Sure, there will be upsets but that won't stop you as it has failed to do so far. As you have said, "But if i write a story, it would be good." I have no doubt of it for I believe. Good luck No_Longer_Human..."So It Is Written, So It Shall Be Done!"

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jjpeabody]

Inspirational

[Casivalentina]

Wow. It sounds like you are processing some really painful crap. I'm sorry you're going through this. Please have some compassion for yourself!!! You are not alone!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Casivalentina]

Thank you! Really true observation. And i needed to hear that

[Alpakka123]

"Am i a b1tch or am finally standing up for myself?" This stuck out to me, and I think your answer is the latter. It can be scary to stick up for yourself when you aren't used to doing so. I am part of a women's group that meets for Mahjong every Wednesday. I have a love/hate relationship with this group because, while it satisfies my need to be social, some of the ladies can be quite bossy and have said things that have made me feel less than as a result. A few Wednesdays ago is when I stood up for myself to one of the bossy ones. I remember feeling apprehensive as I was doing this. I remember feeling a sense of not being worthy enough to stick up for myself, a sense of "how dare I do that". I stuck up for myself to someone else as well, after which I texted my friend and said I was expecting punishment for having done that.

So, it can be scary. But we deserve to stick up for ourselves! Other people stick up for themselves. Why shouldn't we be able to do the same? (rhetorical question)

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Exactly! Thank you for noticing it.