I went through hell in the psych ward. Bulgaria will close them in the next 10-15 years and the whole place will just be a big circus. Tired

[No_Longer_Human]

Remind me to tell you the story of how much humiliation i received in the psych ward. But im too tired from mom waking me up early every day to get me to various doctors. Getting disability status f--ked me up. I pray i get it because i went through hell, humiliation, gave a lot of blood, got publicly humiliated, got my meds stopped and shamed for taking them. The doctor said i "sh*tted on her head* and w nurse was imitating me and making fun of me in the staff room. The place also looked terrible. Zero therapy. I didn't know they were giving me 0,5 Clonasepam instead of 2 and they were proud of that. Called me a drug addict in front of mom and she uses this insult to justify her drinking. The group activities were hours (when im nauseous and vomiting) with old people who are really depressing to look at, listening to terrible music they listened like 50 years ago, colouring like kindergarteners. I feel like im stripped of my human rights. They even put the European human rights of a patient poster in a secret room. And when i brought up my rights like confidentiality because im scared they can tell mom that i complained from her and about dad, they said "not only rights but responsibilities you don't follow". Well, make it clear i have to take this dose and attend cold war kindergarten with elderly. It's really hard to wake up and go to doctors. It's a traumatizing experience in Bulgaria. Today mom made me go in the snow, if i slip i will end up in hospital and have a surgery and my stomach and nerves can't take it, to a cardiologist. Everything was fine. My iron was low but idc. I hoped for beta-blockers for my nightmares but mom was too busy telling them i have "psycho attacks (panic attacks)" and i take "psychotropic drugs"(antidepressants and meds). In the mental ward she talked about my heart and at the cardiologist she talks about my mental health. And she talks about me like im Jeffrey Dahmer. Now i really need to go to a gastroenterologist but im so overwhelmed i couldn't book an appointment, my doctor is on a vacation and some super busy lady is substitute. Im not only tired from waking up in the snow to go to doctors but also sis had a birthday, got 18. I just saw her one day before it, she didn't want to celebrate it, she was cold and my step-mother has ruined the place i grew up in. I was destroyed. Dad didn't came. Now he will come with his wife and kid (acting like it's for sis but it's for his wife) and he's not even telling me when so i warn mom so she doesn't have to wothness her ex with his new wife and kid and so i can prepare to have her at home. I'm overwhelmed.

[hypercat54]

There is no such word at worthness. I thought you had turned a corner and was starting to listen to us. But apparently not.

I'm done. I wish you the best but am out of here.

[Alpakka123]

Hi sweetheart,

It sounds to me like getting a job would be so much easier on you. What do you think?

[jjpeabody]

Glad to hear from you No_Longer_Human, keep writing! Of course we are interested in your posts, also, try to keep a journal every day describing your life and experiences like your post here. You might even throw in any glimpses of happiness or light humor you experience out of all this. I believe that someday when you come through all this you'll write a book about it, perhaps even making valuable recommendations to improve the Bulgarian health system for others. This is an amazing experience for you and you will make. Not many potential psychologists like you have gone through something like you're going through. This is all making you stronger. Don't forget to include your own recommendations and solutions to improve the health system and for your own particular mental/emotional situation. Great job No_Longer_Human. Thank you.

[worthytobeloved in reply to jjpeabody]

What a lovely reply!

[jjpeabody in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you worthytobeloved, you have an amazing bio. Take care

[SsgCulldelight]

Ohhhhhh ge sheesh, that's a mind Full to suggest, sis know that you are Not alone, and KNOW that you have a CHOICE, that's the one Free blessing we All get when we wake up. Emotion is unfortunately sisters with fear and a few other human traits that can suck, you don't have to be a victim to any of this, but you gotta stand up for yourself, and restrict the information u give us mom from this point forward. It does no good when you or her is gone and people get to know the struggle, you need that confirmation of correctness, peace and security NOW. Don't tell the doctors or psyches everything either, we don't like to admit it but This is a Huge GAME, most everyone will deny that while They play as well. Most of your healing will come from Your Positive affirmation and consistent reminding yourself that You, the IAM in you controls all outcomes of Your experience. You decide who can talk interact, respond or manipulate ANY information that you process. You don't have to be frank or condescending but you should leave NO confusion about what it is you want to occur. With mom is tricky because of maternal connect that fosters a given respect out of that connection, but she has her own issues twisting her feelings and thinking as well. Whew, that's a lot, I don't claim to be able to unpack and have answers for half of it, but at least Now you know where to start. YOU are the key to ending pressure, anxiety, depression and other negativity pushed on you by others perception.

[CLB1125]

I have been thinking about you wondering if you were ok. All this was done to you to see if you qualify for disability? This makes my heart ache for you.

Jj has a good idea there. You are educated in phycology. Keeping notes on your journey and your mistreatment may be a change in health care in the making. Change starts with one person’s ideas. You may be the one that might just make the difference. Have you ever heard about Malala Yousafzai? She stood up for change and girls rights to have an education. Google her. She may inspire you.

Keep posting, some of us are interested in how you are.

[worthytobeloved in reply to CLB1125]

Wonderful, kind, helpful reply!