Going through a very tough time right now. My wife of 5 years, together for 9, dropped the bomb shell on me at the end of December and wanted a separation. Main reason is she felt lack of affection.
This caused a lot of pain. Sleepless nights, not eating, crying uncontrollably and lack of motivation. I have beaten myself up mentally a lot. A ton of regrets. Her leaving was obviously a wake up call to become a better person. I started individual therapy immediately, reading self help books and really just trying to change myself. My wife was very supportive and happy to hear me really working on myself. I made my intentions clear yes I want to become a better person but I hope we can give this a try again. The resources really have helped with my depression.
My wife agreed to do couples therapy. In addition we started increasing our communication over time. More texting, lunch together and phone calls. In total we did about 7 or 8 couples sessions. I got the feeling my wife was just not engaged at all. I started getting mixed feelings whether she really wanted to try this or not or if she was giving me false hope. She made comments in therapy like “I’m only doing this for him” . I didn’t know how to take a comment like that whether she blamed me for the failure in marriage or just didn’t want to try even though she agreed and was willing to.
We did some couples sessions but we never really talked about what we uncovered outside of therapy. I tried to on multiple occasions but my wife didn’t want to talk about it. A lot of our issues stemmed from communication. Fast forward to the last session this past week, my wife decided this would be the last session and we were done. She also added during the session that she hasn’t love me for years. Shocking news to me. It hurt me because I trusted her 100% and she kept that from me. I’m still stunned and shocked because I thought we were slowly making progress and I thought my wife would fight considering the support she will lose in her life in my family. My family has been her biggest most consistent support. She unfortunately doesn’t have much else.
I thought my depression was going better until this moment. I felt like the knife in my heart was pushed in further then twisted. I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past few days and I don’t know what to do. My emotions are worse now than when she first left. I tried to get out of the house today with my sister and her family but it was a constant struggle with emotions all day. I hate the thought of starting over too because I invested so much in our relationship. I am still hopeful that she will reconsider and give it another chance.
Looking for any advice, thoughts, stories about how to deal with this depression. I’m still seeing my therapist once a week but would love to hear if anyone has had similar stories and how they overcame the struggles.
I’ve ruined my family
Therapist rant
Coping with Anxiety and Depression
Helping with depression
Feels like a stroke. Had terrible therapy. Trying to break up with her but she's not letting me go
