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[Cookie2217]

So I had a long talk with one of my best friends and my husband tonight about my depression and what sparks it or sets it off really. I was actually asked if being in these forums makes my symptoms worsen due to me being empathetic to the point of feeling others pain. I love this group, always have loved this group and will always love this group for its many benefits including the zoom meetings that I love so much. I'm happy to have participated in two events and I'm wondering when the next will be coming. I hope it will be soon. I struggle with major depressive disorder, PTSD and disassociative disorder and sometimes talking to family and friends regarding my depression it feels like they just don't get it.. why??? because they haven't experienced depression like I do. I think in order to understand it you have to have in fact gone through it before to be able to help someone and be fully supportive. They tried so hard to be there for me tonight and to understand what triggers me into my depressive episodes. I was supposed to go to an event on Saturday and then out to dinner with my best friend and her wife and I just couldn't get myself motivated to go. It was the overwhelming feeling of what I had to do in order to get ready to go and my poor husband had to do the event by himself which of course I feel guilty for because he really needed me to go with him and be there to help and support him in his endeavor which is a radio station. He told everyone I was just "sick" that's always the excuse that we give when I just can't show up. I can't help but feel like a piece of crap for not putting others needs before my own. Then I missed my friends and going out to dinner with them and I called my best friend afterwards and it seems that she might have been disappointed in me and I don't blame her. So I had a rough weekend and I spent the day in bed and didn't get out of bed until 1:30 in the afternoon and then went right to the recliner and then sat in darkness all alone when evening finally came. My poor husband had to drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back by himself besides a 7-hour event. Afterwards he stopped and got something to eat with his best friend I didn't mind at all I was content sitting all alone by myself wallowing in my own misery. Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself with this darn disease why does it have to take so much away from you? Your plans always seem to have to be changed all because you just can't "show up" it makes me really sad and disheartened. When will this ever end? Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent thanks for listening.

[gajh]

Being here talking with people who understand makes all the difference for me. I am glad you are here with us. You are not alone.

[Cookie2217 in reply to gajh]

Thank you so much. I feel the same about being with or talking to people who truly get it is paramount and key for me too.