I can't cope anymore. I really need help. Please.

[Hailstorm155]

March 18th 2025 I will be 3 years sober. I spent almost 10 years in active addiction, prior to that I suffered from eating disorders. So I guess for a while I bounced from vice to vice. I wouldn't have been able to get sober if it weren't for my boyfriend. I was living with family. My mother used with me. It was toxic and horrible, and my grandmother knew about it. My boyfriend encouraged me to talk to him through any cravings but I relapsed Saint Patrick's Day 2022. The guilt and shame I felt having to tell my boyfriend I messed up was enough to be the end of my use. He really believed in me and I let him down. He asked me to move in with him and it was the best decision I could have made for my sobriety. He lived an hour away so I was able to get a fresh start in a new city.

In December 2022 we found out I was pregnant. We were so excited to be parents. We had our son in September and he was a nicu baby. He stayed 10 days in nicu before coming home to us. I ended up struggling with postpartum depression and I got no help. Counseling places would tell me they didn't have anyone available who specializes in that and to call back in a few weeks. That was the constant pattern I got from places. December 21st 2023. 3 months after I became a new mother. My dad, my best friend, died from an overdose. 3 days later my boyfriend went back to work and left me to plan the funeral with my toxic family alone with our baby. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I don't know how, but I've stayed sober. I'm not in any programs. I have no therapist. I have no supports anymore. I've had to cut my entire family off. My boyfriend and I are trying to work through our issues but that's just an entire separate box of trauma i can't open right now. I'm home all day every day with our son while he works. I am cut off from everyone here. I'm desperate for support. I'm desperate to get out of my house. I want to work but it's on hold due to my boyfriend's work schedule and future transfer. I just need people to know I'm here. I'm hurting.

[repeatedcycle]

That's some heavy stuff Hailstorm. What you are dealing with are the most major stressors in life. Death, giving birth, then post partum, a physical move and isolation. Right now these are the toughest times. At least know that, these are the hard times.

I recall when my kids were young, my ex wife was at home with two and her family was busy or a bit too far to help. She'd say how she's sick of speaking to kids and needed adult conversations.

My suggestion is similar to what I told someone else here. Get yourself a business started from home. Go on Pinterest and see what's interesting. If I don't focus on something productive I waste away in the gutter of my mind.

There are many women like you. You aren't alone in a place not home, raising kids solo. Not having help will wear you down. You just have to find some passion to focus your thoughts and energies.

[Hailstorm155 in reply to repeatedcycle]

Thank you for that suggestion! I've never been on pPinterest before I'll have to check it out

[Starrlight]

I hear you. We are with you. You are so strong. ❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜

[Hailstorm155 in reply to Starrlight]

❤️❤️❤️

[worthytobeloved]

Wow - you've been through SO much, and yet look how far you've come. I also had a drink problem and eating disorder, and those things alone are hard to get over, let alone your toxic family and your father's sad death.I'm so glad you have a supportive boyfriend and a lovely child. Is there any way you can get out and meet other young mums (or just people in general). Maybe a coffee shop? There are qalso a lot of lonely older people who would get great joy in getting to know a lovely young woman and her baby.

I think you've done so well to overcome so much. I hope this is just a phase, and that you'll feel happier again. Best wishes!

[Hailstorm155 in reply to worthytobeloved]

I hope it's just a phase as well 🙏

[catsrock]

That is a lot. Welcome to the community. I hope you find the support your need. Are there any parent groups in your area or even ones online that might help? Hang in there, we are here to support you.

[Hailstorm155 in reply to catsrock]

that's a road bump ive come into. I can't find any 😫 I've looked online but haven't found any free ones or any consistently running ones. That's how I ended up here. Searching for online support groups.

[catsrock in reply to Hailstorm155]

That's frustrating! I'm glad you found this community though - it's a good group.

[BuellersFerrisWheel in reply to Hailstorm155]

Mental Health America has a resource page with some great online support group options if you're still looking!

[blimpsgo180]

I hear you about your pain. I can't imagine my life if my parents weren't around. Be proud you planned the funeral. Not everyone could have done that. Typically being a new parent is a great opportunity to meet new people, because you meet other parents. Just walking down the street with a stroller can help.

Thanks for posting.

[Hailstorm155]

I used to take my son on walks but I live in New York, so it's covered in snow and ice outside for another couple of months. I can't wait for spring 😩