My relationship is Causing me severe anxiety

[Tman8715]

Last week, my fiancée and I decided to work on our relationship after a major argument where I let my emotions take over and called off our engagement. She graciously forgave me, and after a week of reflection, she decided she wanted to work things out. Since then, we’ve been deeply in love—almost overwhelmingly so. Our communication has been incredible, and everything was going great until last night.

I mentioned that I was going to reach out to my mom since I hadn’t spoken to her since Sunday, and I felt it was fair to check in. For context, one of the biggest struggles in our relationship has been my difficulty in setting boundaries with my mom. I’ve made significant progress, but the way I worded my statement made it seem like my mom had an inherent right to be involved in my life, which triggered some emotions for my fiancée.

She immediately shut down and said, “Do whatever you want,” then quickly added that she needed time to process her feelings before hanging up—without saying “I love you.” That hurt because, growing up, my parents would withhold saying “I love you” when they were upset with me, and I don’t want that dynamic in our relationship. But I let it go.

Still, I couldn’t shake the anxiety that she might be withdrawing emotionally instead of communicating. Later, when we talked again, I apologized and reassured her that I understand the importance of setting boundaries. I told her I want to set them, but I need her support because my parents can be manipulative. That seemed to ease some of the tension.

Then she told me that when she returns home from an extended stay in California (for medical reasons), she will likely be cold and withdrawn. My parents will be driving her back to Tennessee at the beginning of the month.

This confused me because, since we reconciled, she hasn’t been distant at all. In fact, our communication has been better than ever, and our intimacy has reached a new level—we can’t seem to get enough of each other. So her saying this caught me off guard.

Then, after our call, she shut down again and hung up without saying “I love you.” I knew what was happening—earlier, she had told me she was planning to pleasure herself when she got home, and I was supposed to be involved. But instead, she hung up and did it alone, even though I had clearly told her that I was available and willing to be part of that moment. It wasn’t about the act itself—it was the fact that she was intentionally shutting me out. It felt like she was withholding intimacy to prove a point or to teach me a lesson. If she had genuinely just wanted to be alone, I wouldn’t have minded—but that’s not what it felt like.

When I finally got ahold of her, she rolled her eyes and brushed me off. But later that night, she sent me a heartfelt apology, acknowledging that what she did hurt me and that she was truly sorry. I forgave her, thinking we could move forward.

But then she started withholding “I love you” again. When I confronted her about it, I told her I needed two things from her after everything that happened:

To know that she loves me.

To know that she still wants to grow in intimacy with me.

She couldn’t answer the second part. Instead, she said she needed time to process my feelings, and now I can tell she’s shutting down again. This is making me panic—I feel like I’m spiraling, and I don’t know what to do.