Panic Attack by a Trigger

[Sarah_May]

So I live with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and PTSD. I’ve had problems with him over the years especially since last September. I’m a 35 yr old married woman. My mother yelled at me on the phone because I wasn’t home when she was ready to come over. Not that we made arrangements for her to come over and she did make food for us but still there wasn’t any time set. She called, yelled and hung up on me. Which triggered me. I tried calling her back to see what was going on but she started yelling at me again. So out of panic I hung up on her. I’ve learned to set boundaries and someone yelling at me who is closest to me I walk away from or stop conversation. I just don’t know how to resolve this with my mom without her yelling at me or me speaking out emotions instead of logically.

[fauxartist]

You were right to not let yourself be yelled at... and when the dust settles... make it very clear to your mother that if she is making dinner for you all...please let you know so that you can work with her on that. You are not a mind reader... how could you know she was making dinner... it was a very nice thing for her to do... but her mistake was not letting everyone know in advance about it and then yelling.

[Hidden]

Or you could start by asking her if you phone her and just start yelling,or give her own treatment if none of it works,generally when people talk in A tone with attitude some are so used to doing it that they don't even realise but when you use their tone not your own speak exactly how theyo spoken to you they're taken back go quite,think about it then realise its because they spoke to you this way,I did that to my step mother years ago as she was bugging the family with it ,and I've gotta tell you,she never ever spoke to me in that tone again or my sisters.some are so stubborn that they won't listen its action to show them that works,.its only last resort idea but it may shock her into realising you're a person,and an adult,.respect cuts both ways not just one.

[chaoticjoy3]

It sounds like you are doing a great job of handling these trigger moments. It better to disconnected yourself from the situation than say things you can not take back. I agree, when everything settles down, have a conversation with your mother, give her a clear definition of boundaries, and tell her how much you love her. Tell her how disheartening it is to have someone you love so much treat you in such a manner. Praying for you....

[Sarah_May]

Thank you. When the dust finally settled we agreed we were both in the wrong for not arranging a time for the food. It took me going to therapy for a few hours to come up to what to say. But I used statements instead you statement and I used I feel statements a bunch which is completely outside my norm when I talked to my mother. I set up a rule before we talked person to person that she doesn’t get to yell, tell me she my mother and I have to listen to her and I need to be able to start the conversation without being interrupted or by her using trigger words. Which I identified with her on what they are. Thank you all for all you responses.

[Hidden in reply to Sarah_May]

All done!I'm very pleased for you that you planned it and followed through.