After a couple days of low anxiety, I can feel it ramping back up. I took an extra Buspirone last night. A second dose has been rare in the past few months but my NP had suggested I try taking that second dose again. I'm allowed up to 3 doses/day but I rebel. I have an aversion to being on meds. I'd like to find other means if possible to combat my anxiety and depression. We decided to give "Bonafide- Serenol" a try.
Anyways, I have anxiety again. The anxiety is getting louder and louder. You know, when the black thoughts start slipping in.. Telling me how stupid I am. Cycling old embarassing and regretful memories at odd moments to prove it. Telling me how worthless and forgetable I am...
So much fun. (sarcasm)
Am I the only one fed up with it? Perhaps I have actually accepted it (in reference to my past post). Acceptance is not resignation. It's acknowledgement. I know full well I go through periods of higher and lower A&D and I do what I can to manage it and prevent it from getting too bad. How will I do it this time? well, I haven't been to dance in over a week so I'm going tonight. I haven't been outside yet today, so I'm going to dance class! I haven't talked to anyone today yet, so I'm going to dance! we'll see how I feel afterwards. Will I be able to quiet the black thoughts? I probably also need a salad (but winter is not a time for salads).
*Post-dance update:
Have you ever had a workout so great that you are left in a state of bliss? I always feel like a W.I.T.C.H (Woman In Total Control of Herself) when this happens. Like the scaries are gone, man. It’s all good. We.got.this. It doesn’t hurt to laugh either. Dance fitness is so fun. It’s humbling and I laugh at my missteps throughout the class. It’s a brain-game too, trying to learn the steps and keep up. Now this is fun! I’m glad I did this for myself even though I didn’t want to do it prior, my anxiety was saying not to leave the apartment. But my anxiety has held me captive for long enough. I wasn’t feeling great and I knew how to feel better and now I do.
Also, taking the extra doses of buspirone doesn’t make the anxiety go away. I think it just slows down my brain and therefore slows down the anxious compulsive thinking. It also slows down all the other parts of my brain. I can’t remember what I got up for, I lose my train of thought in mid-sentence, and I have a hard time finding the words I need to explain myself. My vocabulary takes a nose-dive. Does this happen to anyone else? My partner noticed the same thing on buspirone.
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Acceptance is about resignation, surrendering completely to your A & D, letting it do its absolute worst and not doing anything about the thoughts and feelings. You let it get bad, you give up trying to control or stop those black thoughts, no longer complain about them or seek reassurance whilst in the thick of it.
This is acceptance. It creates the time and space for sensitised nerves to desensitise, all those black thoughts and feelings will fade away and peace of mind and body will return.
When you know exactly what you are dealing with and that you can come to no harm, learning to accept the symptoms is much easier.
So have you recovered from anxiety this way? Thanks for sharing your method!
I think you are talking about exposure therapy- exposure to anxiety itself. Not the triggers? I think allowing yourself to spiral to rock bottom until you become enlightened could be dangerous for many. Most of the time people start therapy (talk and medicine) and come to a place like this platform because they cannot get themselves out of there alone.
I don’t think it’s a one size fits all kind of thing- healing and recovery. But I do agree it is a practice and I do agree it is important to know what you are dealing with. I find confronting the scaries a better method for me to desensitize… which is exposure therapy as well. Going to the scary thing with intention and mindfulness and surviving repeatedly, in theory, leads to desensitization. I like to de-tangle the old knots that send my thoughts down the ‘wrong’/hurtful pathways such as jumping to conclusions, fantasizing, mind-reading, catastrophising, etc. I’m a CBT girl. For example, I’ll try to not let myself spiral into distrust and rather try trusting people instead and see what happens. It feels much better to skip the anxiety altogether, no? Then when it turns out that trusting was a safe bet I didn’t have to waste any of my life being anxious.
I think we’re talking about the same thing in different ways. And/or maybe I am still struggling with the concept of acceptance 🤔 The concept in the way you describe doesn’t flow for me yet but I also haven’t had a chance to discuss it with my therapist. My thinking is often incorrect as I mentioned above.
Yes, I recovered this way after learning about how and why I had developed debilitating levels of anxiety and the depression that followed [depletion is a more accurate description]. See Dr Claire Weekes for details.
I gave up dissecting all thoughts [you don"t tend to question positive thoughts...you just accept them because they make you feel good] and consigned them all to the "anxiety rubbish bin." This is what I mean when I say I hoisted the white flag and capitulated.
I accepted everything, including those dark negative thoughts around trust or anything else relating to people. I just held my own counsel and let them go because I learned that the thoughts were being grossly distorted by my anxiety and not based on anything in the real world! I also learned that you can't get rid of anxiety unless you are prepared to feel it all willingly. To accept.
You can't skip the anxiety because it is hard to ignore isn't it?
Acceptance is letting all the negative stuff be there and carrying on with your day as best you can, despite how you may be feeling.
In response to the concept of acceptance not flowing with you yet, it didn't flow with me either, to begin with! It was a slow burner and took time to shift my attiude of fighting the anxiety to a genuine attitude of caring less about the symptoms and letting them come.
Fortunately, I found support from another website that advocated acceptance and read posts from those who had recovered.
I am also at pains to say that acceptance is not a method or technique that you try. It's all about attitude and realising that you cannot do anything about the symptoms, you cannot control them so you may as well accept them.
As far as spiralling to rock bottom, I was enlightened before I got there courtesy of Dr Claire Weekes which made it easier to let go. I can't remember where I read it but I viewed rock bottom as not such a bad place (see Dr Weekes again and depletion] because there was nowhere else to go, except up.
I suspect you may be right that we mean the same thing but coming at it from different angles but know from experience that acceptance is the cornerstone to recovery.
I’m definitely interested in what Dr. Claire Weekes has to say. I browsed for her book for a few seconds and it looks like she has been impactful in the field. Thanks for referencing her and replying.
I really do think we’re both saying the same thing but please feel free to clarify if I’m totally not getting it. I do feel my anxiety and I go ahead and keep doing my thing anyway which makes me think I’ve accepted my condition. Then while being anxious, I know certain activities and thought corrections help me change my mind (provides perspective) about what is swirling in my head and alleviates the tension in my body. And because I know certain things help me feel better why not do it? I don’t think you’re advocating refraining from doing things that make you less anxious and happier because that somehow goes against acceptance/recovery… are you?
Either way, I think over time it’ll get the same results. I can already see that my social anxiety has diminished in a very short amount of time as I keep going out there and practicing. Even sharing my thoughts here is practice. I think I’m out there/here with the acceptance that I have social anxiety and doing it anyway. I’m scared and uncertain but I acknowledge it then I share my thoughts ( or read out loud to 20 strangers or dance in front of 15 or whatever it is). I think that’s acceptance and beyond.
Again, I’m sorry if I’m totally missing it. I’m trying!
Firstly, there is absolutely no need to apologise!
You haven't and can't do much wrong if you are not letting your anxiety dictate proceedings and continuing to do normal things, with an attitude of "what will be, will be" towards all symptoms. This is the way to go, continuing to move forward, no matter what speed.
Everything else is just the minutiae and recovery is just a matter of time. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
From what you have told me, you are going above and beyond the call of duty. You are facing and accepting your fears, floating past them [passive attitude]. The 4th principle described by Dr Weekes is letting time pass because time is the healer.😊
By doing normal things and continually putting yourself in the firing line, your focus gradually [and naturally] shifts away from your anxiety and is taken up by other things. You lose interest in it.
And if I havent made it clear, do not refrain from any part of life, especially if your anxiety tries to throw spanners in the works. Feel the fear and do it anyway!
By the way, I bought Essential Help for your Nerves by Dr Weekes. I think there are audio books too and probably much more besides nowadays! The book title may differ beyond the UK and the content might be dated but those 4 principles will never age.
I still have the book and is held together by sticky tape!
You may also find this website helpful and created by Paul David who recovered by acceptance. His website [no gimmicks, no hard sell, a gold mine of really useful information] carries the same message, just a different style of delivery. This was the cherry on top of Dr Weekes' book and helped me to really get to grips with the concept of acceptance.
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