I'm New (tw)

[Dear-LIFE]

Hey. So, I'm new here. I'm not just new here but also new to this whole sharing-feelings thing. I'm used to keeping my thoughts to myself, since no one really seemed to care about what I felt. I still feel like that, if I'm being honest, but it's been worse recently. Just about a month ago or so, I started spiraling pretty bad. I started SH for the first time, started only eating one meal a day, and even tried to "get rid" of myself a couple times, which I'm now thankful failed. I don't know why I feel like this; I have nice things, and good friends. Sure, I have a pretty dysfunctional family, with a dad who struggled with PTSD and was abusive for some time and a mom who's still pretty out of the picture (she's gone most of the day and only comes back to sleep or grab something from the house), but I should be used to this by now. It's been this way for years, so why is it just now hitting me hard? Worst of all, I constantly have negative, degrading thoughts. I know this might not seem like a big deal- we all are insecure, right?- but it's getting to the point where it affects my day-to-day life. One distinct feature of mine (my wide-set, or further apart than usual, eyes) makes me the most uncomfortable with myself. I've been struggling with these same thoughts of "I'm not pretty enough" and "Why can't my eyes look like the other girls'?" and "Why can't I look like them?". If I'm being honest, my only goal in life is to probably find someone who will truly love me, but I feel like the fact I look like what I do makes that impossible. I'm always filled with this unease that I'm going to die alone and unloved. And even though my friends and family assure me that's not true, that I just have to be patient, it's so hard. What am I being patient for? The day I finally turn pretty? Everything just seems so bland and sad now. I'm bland and sad now. I'm so tired of all of this.

[Dolphin14]

Dear-Life

Welcome to the community.

You've come to the right place for support and understanding.

Are you working with a professional?

I'm sorry you are struggling with all this. We are here to support you

🐬

[tiggra]

Try doing something different like new hair or makeup. Keep telling yourself my circumstances don't make who I am. I am worthy of the best because I believe it and I deserve it; and eventually it will sink in.