Why does it seem so hard to "normal" like others

[Hudgins150]

Hello, I have suffered my entire life with bipolar and social anxiety....I'm in a really low place now, unable to get a job...I have done a great job at applying but I overcome with fear and just plain out scared to bring myself to that final step...what bothers me the most is seeing other people out in the world so confident and wondering why can't I be?... thinking my current meds are not working as thoughts of death are daily...I am being seen by a doctor but afraid to be honest, I can't handle being in another inpatient problem at this time...just feel hopeless, lost and like I just don't belong or fit into society...it's getting to point I'm afraid I might give up and stop trying

[Hidden]

Okay first off do you know how special you are? There is only 1 you! You're saying you aren't being honest...Why? This is the ugly disease talking to you right now! You must fight the good fight, we all have to, in the end it's worth it, I wouldn't lie. I'm here for you. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

[Hudgins150 in reply to Hidden]

It's definitely easier to be honest with people who understand...if I talk to family I feel weak, shameful and crazy like they will see me different...as for not being honest I tried afew times and ended up hospitalized and that makes it worse..I really don't want to stop trying, just finding the right people and "comfort zone" seems in possible...it's wears on you being alone and this war in my head winning...thank you for responding and the words...just to know someone actually took the time and is a good feeling

[Hidden in reply to Hudgins150]

Hey listen... Not only do i hear you but I understand what you are saying. I've been dealing with anxiety/depression for 29 years, I finally have my head in a good place, not that it's going to last yet I will know it will pass & I can deal with it.I really wish for you peace of mind my friend. You can pm me if you'd like. I'll try to help you anyway I can. Love, joy, light & hugs!!!

[MariaLove123]

You took the words right out of my mouth. I feel this way too. I can’t work. I just can’t bring myself to that step. And it’s a big step when you’re trying to also heal yourself. Trust me. You are not alone. So many people with mental illness have trouble working. I used to think I’m the only one who’s inside on a weekday and everyone else is out working. But I read people’s stories on here and other articles and so many are doing the same thing.

I think the main goal for now is to get on a different medication. You should work on yourself first before trying to get into the work field. Having a therapist is also a good goal. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s uncomfortable and it’s yucky. But keep sharing on here. Everyone is so supportive and caring. Hugs 🤗

[Hudgins150 in reply to MariaLove123]

Your response on feeling the same makes it feel much more real to me that I'm not alone...I know I need work, my anxiety over takes me for hours before an interview and unfortunately I have to take lorazapam to deal, but I've actually got to the parking lot, dressed and ready and that voice tells me not to do it and leave, and I hate myself for not being strong or confident enough to do so...I try to be positive and say "I can do this" but always fail..so frustrating and disappointing...thanks for sharing and letting me know I'm not the only one who goes through this

[MariaLove123 in reply to Hudgins150]

Don’t hate yourself or even get mad at yourself. It’s the disease. Would you go on an antidepressant? I can’t tell you how many interviews I’ve canceled or didn’t show up for. You’re not ready. And trying to push yourself too much is going to bring on the anxiety. Talking to a psychiatrist, a therapist and getting help on here is a good way of starting.

I know this is cheesy but have you ever tried essential oils? I think they’re so calming in my diffuser. Or even dabbing some on my temples and wrists is nice.

I feel so much of what you’re going through. It breaks my heart. I hate this disease. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’ll be praying for you a lot 🙏🏼

[Hudgins150 in reply to MariaLove123]

Currently on Zoloft, Seroquel lithium, Ativan and lomotrigine...I get some relief but still aways to go

[MariaLove123 in reply to Hudgins150]

I’m on Zoloft too! You might need something for anxiety. I take klonopin 1mg and usually take a half before I go anywhere. It helps a lot. How long have you been on Zoloft?

[Hudgins150 in reply to MariaLove123]

Been on 200mg of Zoloft for about 6 years now...I've tried so many others over the years and I'm wondering if maybe it has stop some..I've read that can happen

[MariaLove123 in reply to Hudgins150]

Omg I had a feeling you were going to say years. Sometimes these medications run their course. We became immune to them. It happened to me with lexapro...which leads me to suggesting you try it. My fiancé is on it and really likes it. You should talk to your doctor about changing or adding something. Zoloft also goes up to 300mg. So you definitely have some options my friend ☺️

[Hudgins150 in reply to MariaLove123]

I also take Seroquel 600mg...Ativan 4mg, lithium and lomotrigine 100mg so it could be anything affecting me..I was stable for almost 2 years but definitely felt drugged and still had trouble being in social environments or something out of my comfort zone..but thanks for suggestion and I'll definitely research it...

[MariaLove123 in reply to Hudgins150]

The mix of those drugs can definitely be the culprit here. Do you have to take all of them? No matter what, you’re going to find the answer. There’s a light at the end of your tunnel. You’re on the right track, especially by opening up and talking about it ☺️

[Hudgins150 in reply to MariaLove123]

Been on current meds for 6 years after last attempted suicide... unfortunately without them I get really bad...the bigger question is what is working and what is not... most doctors I've seen just want to keep you drugged and really don't monitor...

[MariaLove123 in reply to Hudgins150]

I know. Doctors are all about medication for everything. That’s our great health care system! I hope you can figure this out. And practice ways of not being hard on yourself. When people are angry, they are blind to the good things. You don’t deserve to be mad at yourself. You’re great and I enjoy talking to you ☺️

[Agora1 in reply to Hudgins150]

No longer alone Hudgins, we will walk the walk with you.

[Hidden in reply to Hudgins150]

Hi Hudgins150 and welcome,

I have struggled with anxiety and depression all my life. I have had plenty of time (years) to travel the same dark, scary roads in my mind. Our disorder has a way of making us feel alone. Change seems to become almost impossible.

Maybe you should discuss a medicine change with your doctor and therapy may help to work through the anxiety. Try to stay away from social media sites like Facebook if possible. It can be depressing for a lot of people. The grass always seems greener in another person's world.

Just remember that everybody is dealing with something whether they let you know it or not.

[Hudgins150 in reply to Hidden]

I agree every deals with something...meds have been working for afew years but seems to slowly stop...I've been in therapy and unfortunately finding that right person is the key...that being alone is the worst feeling...those who don't understand simply think you can control it, if they only knew..lol..I appreciate your response...I'm new to this, and it is definitely easy to discuss things with a platform like this

[Agora1]

Hi Hudgins150 and Welcome to this comfortable and safe site. You know people aren't always what they seem to be out in the world, so I wouldn't envy them or let it bother you. Who knows how they cope. Who knows what demons they struggle with.

Having medications that no longer work can put you into this mind frame of feeling lost and hopeless. I'm glad you are being seen by a doctor. Adjustment of dosages and medication may very well be warranted. I had that done as in patient.

I am so glad you found this site to come to where you will receive comfort and understanding with others going through the same thing. It works because we care.

Giving up is never an option. Life is worth trying for. You are no longer alone. x

[Sandyxoxx]

Hi yes it makes us feel different, but so what !! We don't know what going on in other ppls lives!! I use to feel everyone is looking at me ,why me ? I'm here just like them ,I don't have to let everyone know I'm feeling bad ,only I know n i just blend it . I'm not saying we are not important or anything ,just we are ppl too! Example : It use to take me hours to get out the door ! Nothing was right ! Ppl were staring ..at me !! I thought something was wrong,they could tell I was stressing ! All kinds of stuff !! This is when I just went to the corner store !! Now I'm much better , I get myself out ,no long time thinking ..what's wrong with me or my looks , it works , now everytime I go out n do the things I should ..I'm proud of Myself !! I did it ,and it only mattered to me

[Hudgins150 in reply to Sandyxoxx]

Glad to hear your having success, trust me when I say I try everyday, but unfortunately it's hit and miss with me and how I'm feeling... some days I can't even leave my comfort zone, on days I do get out I still feel like I'm out of place and everyone is watching or thinking how different I look but I overcome and it does feel good...just getting past that point of I can't do this

[Sandyxoxx in reply to Hudgins150]

Yep that's how I felt , said that in my other post . Ty it takes time ,I call it baby steps ,alittle each day ,something I don't wanna do or go , I'll go and maybe later in the day , hopefully not to many ppl around. Now I'm going out in day time ,wow was the store crowed today ,but I just blended in ,some strared, but hey lol maybe was amoreing the way I looked !! Hehee

[Sillysausage234]

✌🏼

[Hidden]

I am in a similar situation. Except I can’t get work for lack of transportation. Never had a job. I am currently trying a supportive work program. I am thinking of quitting and just going back to being shut in to be honest.

[Hudgins150 in reply to Hidden]

I hear you and understand... being alone I still feel depressed and have moments of bad anxiety, but it's my comfort zone...it definitely is a reward to get past that shut in feeling, but hard to do and some days impossible...I'm new to this site and it definitely is a comfort to understand your not alone in your thoughts and way of living...

[Hidden in reply to Hudgins150]

It is a hard exsistance.

[Feelingallalone98]

I feel the same way. I look at the people driving going in and out of stores just functiong what is perceived to be "normally" Then I realize I don't know what they're dealing with or have been through! I can't drive anymore I had to quit my job my family doesnt understand but I remember when I felt great and got through everyday without all the issues I deal with today. That gives me hope to get back where I was. I know it's a long roller coaster ride back but I know I didn't get sick in one day and know I won't get better in one day. Its a journey that most people wouldn't want to take. But here we are struggling everyday. I wish you the very best. I wish for you to have more strenghth than you obviously already have. And I wish for you to understand your value. The job will come when you are ready. Don't be so hard on yourself. You do belong and you are loved