Drowning

[Casivalentina]

Hey all.

Have so much I want/need to do in preparation fir Christmas. I am stuck in bed today. Have baking stuff all over my kitchen...just so depressed I feel paralysis. Then come guilt, shame, and self-loathing, the terrible trio, invading my thoughts which makes me want to hunker down in bed even more. I am so sick of being like this. It's not living. It's existing. Has been for so so long. I am tired of it. Sorry for being so negative. I just need to vent. Depression has become my identity. My constant companion. Living alone it's hard to get out of my head. I drown in my thoughts on a regular basis. I want always so negative. Have always dealt with depression, just didn't always succumb to it and relinquish control over my life to it. It's embarrassing. Thanks for listening. Erase your mind after reading.

[Hurtingheart2]

my heart goes out to you 💕💕and I really hope you’ll feel better soon, you’re in the right place to share your thoughts and feelings and vent that’s healthy don’t apologize for that!! That’s what this is here for you’re not alone!! Please don’t be so hard on yourself friend!!💐🦋🫶

[Casivalentina in reply to Hurtingheart2]

Thank you for your response! Your compassion and support mean a lot!!!♥️

[Hurtingheart2 in reply to Casivalentina]

You are welcome, really don’t want to think of others going through depression and sadness feeling alone , I may not know always what to say or know details of you personally but I do care and empathize , goin through depression and anxiety 💞

[Casivalentina in reply to Hurtingheart2]

Thank you!!!♥️

[Starrlight]

love to you ❤️💕❤️

[Casivalentina]

Thank you so much!!!♥️

[JLC44]

sending you lots of love and comfort. I spent the day mostly in bed today as well. Watching crap on Netflix. Sigh.

[Casivalentina in reply to JLC44]

Oh my gosh. That pretty much sums up my day. I did bake some banana bread, but that was after my brother tried to talk some sense in me to get my arse out of bed...sigh. I feel you!!!!

[JLC44 in reply to Casivalentina]

I’m so sorry. About your day. I did get up for a little while as well. I tried to go to a holiday get together and literally walked out two minutes after walking in and back in bed with Netflix.

[Casivalentina in reply to JLC44]

Oh gosh! That sounds hard. I'm proud of you for at least going to the gathering, even if it was brief! Hang in there. Be good to you!!!!!

[JLC44 in reply to Casivalentina]

Thank you. Appreciate your kindness. Nice to know I’m not alone.

[RS1974]

Hugs ❤️ Try not to beat yourself up and take it easy

[Chittychatty]

Dear Casivalentina. I too am stuck in bed but with bronchitis. I’m waiting for a call from the dr and dreading him saying go to A&E.

Do not stress over Christmas. It’s just one day in a whole year and even if visitors are coming, ask them to knock some beans on toast together and sit on your bed and eat. They may find it amusing.

If it’s not about visitors, then there is absolutely nothing to bother with. The baking can wait, everything can wait.

Remember this one thing you say you are alone but really no one is alone in a world full of people, animals, nature. They are all your friends and companions. We are your friends.

Go out, walk, stroke a dog that’s passing and comment to the owner. Go in a shop and joke with the servers, you just might cheer them up too. So many little things can help even putting on your favourite song and do a little dance. Personally I find walking amongst trees the most uplifting. They seem to absorb my feelings.

I wish you love, light and joy for Christmas.x

[Casivalentina in reply to Chittychatty]

Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate your gentle words of advice/wisdom. I hope you recover from your bronchitis! Wishing you the best!!

[Donnagb8]

hi, Take a couple of deep breaths . Try and relax I hear you , but ur not alone Feeling the way u feel . Try doing some crafting for hour it helps or mayb doing some excercise. Just try to get things out of negative thoughts . It’s very stressful around this time of year . I can’t have Christmas with my family cause my husband and my my mom dad and husband don’t get along it difficult wen the holidays come around and really depressing . And feel bad for my side . But I’ll just have to wait til after Christmas.

[Casivalentina in reply to Donnagb8]

Thanks for your response. I appreciate your suggestions. And, sorry to hear you can't be with your family at Christmas due to people not getting along. That's unfortunate. Take care!!!

[Donnagb8 in reply to Casivalentina]

Yes it hard to cope . Hope ur doing g well . Merry Christmas to you and ur family - hugs 🤗

[Casivalentina in reply to Donnagb8]

Thank you so much for your response!!!

[dutchgirl71]

I’m sorry you are feeling so bad. I understand though. All I feel like doing is staying in bed all day too. I live alone and it is hard to get out of my own head. I feel I am succumbing more to my depression and OCD as well. Things just seem to be getting harder to deal with. I hope you find relief and some leaf soon.

[Casivalentina in reply to dutchgirl71]

Thank you so much for your response. It sounds like we're experiencing some similar challenges. I hate that you're going through this too. I think living alone adds another layer of complexity. I need someone to help me be accountable for showing up for myself, for life!! I feel like depression is winning the war...I don't want to give in, the fight takes so much energy that iften depression win cuz I have "battle fatigue"! Please hang in there and be very good to yourself. Remember you are not alone!!!♥️