I've now left my emotional abuse narcissistic partner. Broke up months ago but continued living together until December and it was so incredibly difficult, he never stopped lying or emotionally toying with me until the last second we were interacting. I was so unwell prior to getting a new job in Nov and moving out I almost went on disability. I am still afraid I was too unwell to do any of this.
I feel so much more unwell lately. I'm exhausted and I've recieved feedback that I've been too negative at work although they also said my work has been great it's just my attitude blah blah. I had been coming home sobbing for weeks prior to this Ive already been putting everything into being able to do good work because I need money to pay rent /bills. I am really not sure I can be happier for anyone, the depression is raging. I'm so fried and tired of fighting. I feel like I've been in fighting for so long. I never feel safe, like I will never be able to relax.
I'm not the level of suicidal that I was a few months ago- then I stopped being able to see a future at all it was awful but lately I've been so upset, I just want to stop be in pain. A non soothable pain. I have no one. Even with my awful ex I still had hugs. Now I just have sleepless nights and silence so loud it's screaming.
Written by
Wishfulthoughts
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
You sound like your really going through a bad time . I'm so sorry for that and so glad you reached out to share your pain.We are here to listen and I hope that helps x
I am so proud of you for leaving your partner and getting a new job. If your work has been great and it is just your attitude, you can work on your attitude over time. That can get better. Are you keeping the radio or tv on to help with the silence? You said you have no one but you do have us. I am glad that you are here posting so that we can offer you our support. I care what you are going through. Take good care of yourself. Do things to comfort yourself. Don't expect too much of yourself right now. You are doing the very best that you can.
The manager did, that is what made the entire conversation more frustrating I had already voiced things a few months ago but either decided he didn't care or that someone else's feelings/perception of my attitude mattered more.
I feel like if I don't fight for me no one will. Or I will give up like before, and that was recession into my mind and stop eating etc which I'd never had to that degree.
I need the money. Just feels like more people who know my trauma ready to abuse me
Should have started with thank you-i appreciate kind words. my mind is just in sad sob cry place. I feel so defeated at the moment.
Wishfulthoughts. I know you are struggling and I hope knowing there are people out here that support you in such a difficult time is comforting.
I do want to say, I think you are brave. You have been through a terrible relationship and are now coming out on the other side. I think you must give yourself credit for that. I wish I had your courage.
Sending you positive thoughts and hope. I do hope we hear more from you soon.
I am sorry. I hear you. I am glad you aren't being abused anymore.
He sounds like he could have narcissisic traits. I am in a couple of Facebook groups for people with partners, exes, or family members like that. The consensus seems to be that healing takes the time of one quarter of the relationship. So, if the relationship was 4 years, healing takes one year. I was in a 19-year relationship. It's been 4 years, 6 months. My headspace is better but he caused so much dammage that I will never fully heal.
Then there is where the love is. You miss the hugs. If you are like me, your childhood family had no love. In my case: lots of neglect, no love. So, I can't go home to my parents and lick my wounds and feel love. When I was with my ex... I loved... not sure what he was doing, but he had me convinced it was love... so when I need love, that is where my love is. I'm 60, I'm not doing a relationship again. I'm just done. So, I have to learn to live without love again. A lot of people on here have pets. Good place to find love.
I'm not sure if you want to try a relationship again, but if you do, you will be better at it next time... better at knowing what you want and what you don't want.
As for the job, I worked part-time for a long time. Full-time only since September. I needed sleep and vegging out watching movies and just down time. I think a bad relationship is like a war zone... it takes time to reset.
Yes before I caught his cheating he was 💯 x better than anyone in my life has been to me and that is the hardest part. The kindest person to me was still capable of hurting me in the worst ways. When I try to be vulnerable about it new people betraying me over it. I know work is work but why anyone would thinking I'd be right as rain after almost dying is beyond me.
Him telling me I could have a clean slate pssh. I wanted to be like this is the same type of games, I haven't done anything you have, but here we go having someone turn things on me and blame me for their actions.
I would say that's he's too unhealthy for this. 1) entitled, 2) didn't think of the impact on others, 3) doesn't assume his errors, instead says it's someone else's fault.
firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through this BUT I want you to know that what your describing is usual for departing from any relationship especially one in which involves a narcissistic emotionally manipulative ex! Thats a massive step and look…… you, yes YOU did it and by the sounds of it…… you did it with little or no support!!!!! You made it! Now, it sounds like you’re going through the “grieving” motions . I feel this happens to different degrees of Intensity in most relationships. It’s ok to feel low and depressed ….. you have been through alot but in those dark days/moments try to remember you strong woman/man ( not sure if this post if written by female or male not that it makes a difference) are STRONG!!!!!! Remember….. what your feeling is “normal” . We are all here for you- you are not alone . Xxx
I really think it would help if you would tell your employers (and this has to be kept private) that you are dealing with emotional issues that stem from before you joined the company and that you are putting all your efforts into doing a good job (and really enjoy the work etc). They can't sack you for having a sad face.
I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.I much relate to worrying about the loneliness and inability to comfort myself.Sometimes I cry until exhausted and still obsess about my loveless manipulative ex.I started to do inner child work,listening to guided comforting meditation,going to 12steps meetings(Aca,coda) many of them on zoom.Trying to go out on hikes and be in nature.Hope this advice might help.Just know that you are not alone,you will get through this and be a stronger person in the end
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time but I think you need to realize what a strong person you are for having made the break. You don't say how long you were in this destructive relationship but it may take awhile to recover from it. The narcissist personality has a tendency to stick with you, even after you've broken free from them. The abuse you suffered for however long has changed you but just realize that you are a strong person who is healing from a terrible situation. Of course, maybe you need additional therapy or medication. I am also in a place of transition in my life and I've been getting increased therapy and an adjustment of my medication. Thank you for feeling strong enough to share with us here. I wish you best wishes on your journey.
I'm so glad you left that relationship. Do you have any support like family, a therapist, friends who you can reach out to? I'm very glad you posted here so we can support you.
Well done for getting out of this awful relationship and I agree with the others that you are strong to have done it and kudos to you.
What your are missing is the emotional connection with your ex. The hugs, the kisses and the good times (there are always some). Someone paying you attention.
However the bad side of this is unbearable and its well worth sacrificing the good for terrible bad. You had to leave for your own well being as eventually he would have ground you down so much you would have lost yourself. That is the worst thing in the world to lose.
You are now in the process of re-discovering yourself again and hey its not easy is it? Especially when you have to work full time too and pay the bills. Its gives you little time and energy to think so no wonder you are exhausted.
My advice is to understand the upheaval you have gone through and be patient with yourself. Now is the time to practise self love more than ever.
Treat yourself how you would like others to do and soothe your inner child to the best of your ability. Do things that relax you and make YOU happy as much as possible. You deserve it. Am thinking of you.
I went through the exact same thing you are going through and came to a point where I had to leave and it was horrible getting out but I did it and since then I have been diagnosed with major bipolar depression, GAD and PTSD from it! I am applying for disability and since I left work and received treatment for depression my depression has subsided and now I am dealing with my anxiety and PTSD. The best thing I did was leave work so I could have time to heal and go through therapy. My Dr and three therapists have told me to write a book about my life and I plan to in order to help other women. God has rescued me and carried me through and is giving me healing and peace and I am also seeing a Dr on a regular basis and therapist and taking medication get help you can do this!
Yes you are strong. You are not alone and will get thru this. Be patient with your self. One step at a time, one day at a time. Mediation,yoga and a therapist might help. Saying a prayer for you.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Getting worse and worse
Tips for Getting Out of Bed?
Talking too much about anxiety and other issues?
MY SOUL IS TIRED
Getting through the day
