The holidays are very rough for me, especially for the last 8 years. My gf of 18 years died back then, and I just never really adjusted. I live alone, don't have family, friends moved away or died, and I haven't found a way to spend holidays with anyone. I have a history from before her of often not finding connections for Thanksgiving and Christmas, too.
I'm in therapy and trying new things to make connections. But so far I'm striking out, and feel like any meaningful connection will never happen. It's always been hard for me to find special people I can be close friends with, and now that I'm getting older it feels much harder.
So I'm at a double-whammy place where I'm crashing into deep depression while the four-day weekend is approaching. Ever since the last social gathering I went to turned out to be another disappointment, each day I just feel like crying and staying in bed as long as possible.
I'd like to get to a place where I can be my own best friend and really make the best of things, see the good instead of dwelling on the bad. I think it's possible to do but I'm not there yet. Looking forward to talking with my therapist tomorrow morning.
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ctdkm
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Welcome to HU. It’s great that you came here. People are very supportive. I know that Holidays can be a challenging time. I used to do volunteer work on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I found it to be rewarding. Perhaps this is something you would like to explore. I’m here 4 U. S
I agree with Shnookie. Do volunteer work on Thanksgiving. Sign up to work in a kitchen cooking for, or feeding those who have no where else to go or are homeless. You will at least spend half of the day with other people and feel good that you helped some less fortunate than you. Holidays can be very difficult and depressing for many. You are not alone.
b1b1b1, Thank you for replying. Maybe you did not mean to speak this way, but you came across as insisting, instead of suggesting. You don't know everything about me. I have huge challenges with social anxiety, so that's always a factor in breaking through loneliness, and it's much harder with zero friends or family. Just putting myself into socializing situations right now is a win. It's looking now like a support group will have a Thanksgiving meal for people who don't have company, and I believe I'm invited.
I know what you mean about being your own best friend. I sometimes feel lonely even with some friends and family because they are often busy with other stuff or dont understand what i am.going through. I have 1 very independant, strong friend. She is very self confident and happy. Or at least looks that way. She is single and has no issue doing things by herself. Some things i find very hard to do alone. Weird as i live alone. During covid i spent a lot of time alone and itcreally got to me. Anyhow, i wonder if my confident independant, happy fried is really that happy or just looks that way. Seems everybody has some kind of pain in life.
I'm so sorry your in this place right now....been there and done that.... I think this depression is such a life force sucking parasite...eventually I found a group that did similar stuff I liked, and after a while it was at least company.... we may not click with everyone....but sometimes we can find a happy medium or balance....and not be alone....and eventually acquaintances could turn into friendships....but unless we put ourselves out there, nothing will change. It's easier said than done, I know that too, ... but little steps.... just keep trying.... I'm 71 years old and had to start life over again at the age of 56... so if I can do it.... and I'm the same as everyone else, anyone can. Keep trying.... anything is possible....
Thanks for your encouragement. It's so good to hear "been there and done that"! I'm 62, and I'm asking myself some of the same questions that you did. Depression and social anxiety have always been a draining force in my life, and I did not really recognize how limiting the second one was until lately. I'm just beginning to learn to make acquaintances and seek company, who may not turn out to be friends. My old way was to find and make a few close friends and dearly hold onto them. But I live in a more outlying area now, and that's harder to do...
Thank you for saying little steps and to just keep trying. I'm impatient and get perfectionist, trying to be kinder to myself.
It's hard to be patient, but friends take time to get to know and develop relationships with. Rushing never played out well for me in the long run. I moved around a lot as a kid, so I had to make acquaintances quickly, and then learn to let them go, it was painful sometimes...I always envied kids that grew up with the same people all their lives.... I never had that. So I rushed into situations too quickly as an adult too... it took some time to calm down and let things happen the way they were going to naturally...but it paid off in the end.
Friendships do take time. My challenges with patience have to do with moving through depression and overcoming social anxiety. I want to plow through those, yet that's not really possible. All you can do is take little steps, like you said. Letting things happen in a natural way makes sense. Thanks for your thoughtful words.
I feel like you do; my partner is about to be put in a care home, and it seems, from what has been said, that this will be forever. Curveball. I am hoping that it will be so good for him that after a while he can come home, but his diabetes is so complex that blood sugar spikes affects his behaviour and that is a huge problem. He has been in hospital for most of this year, and that has made things worse in a way, so I just hope we can get some help. But I do feel your loneliness. I didn't realise that when you get old, good, interesting friends are so hard to find. I am going to be busy "tidying up" the things you see and the things you can't. I am old enough to let myself pass away if it comes to it. But you are younger. Grab life while you can. Go somewhere where your interests are shared and take advantage of any social life that's offered. Spend time in bed if that's what it takes, watch a good film and forget that the world is mostly - mostly - taking part in a silly holiday.
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Lonely
HELP I NEED CONNECTIONS
The Holidays
I don't know what to do 
Lonely Mom
