I actually don't think there anything anyone can say that can even get close to making me as angry as I am when I hear this from people "helping". By all definitions of the word, that sentence is an absolute lie. You don't know that any better than I do, in fact, if it's coming from a complete stranger, I'd say you know even less. It's ignorant, pretentious and almost insulting.
Worst part is that it can be way less harmful with just a simple change. Just replace "going to" with "can". Unless you're talking to a child, the difference is very obvious. Why pretend that you know everything and the person who's already struggling is just too stupid to see the "right" thing? At the very least you're not lying now. It's true, the possibility for things to change is there, even if the probability itself can vary, factually it is true. This way you're actually giving hope instead of just being arrogant. Why is that so difficult for so many people? How hard is it to change a single word? It's absolutely infuriating.
Ironically though, I wonder just how many times this single phrase actually pushed someone over the edge, probably a significant number.
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MiamiJacket84
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huh I’ve never thought about it. I’m sure I’ve said it many times in my life, but recently that phrasing is really annoying to hear when people say it to me. Like “thanks, but how the heck do you know about the future??” “Can” does feel better and I never thought to use it
Well, maybe they are just trying to help and give you hope. They care enough to listen to you and try to provide some comfort, even tho it turns out, it’s the worst thing to say to you. I assume these people are close to you or you wouldn’t be confiding in them. If that’s the case, and knowing they likely are just trying to help, why don’t you, in a sincere and open way, explain why that response bothers you, and explain the kind of guidance or support you are looking for?
How do you feel about, "yeah, I know what that's like, Ive gone through a little of that myself"? That one drives me up the wall, and it's always from happy well adjusted people. Maybe they've had a sad a few times but, I don't even know how I feel or some days, If I feel. How could they know what it's like if they don't understand that?
I know. I remember I poured my heart out on this support site. I was only looking to be heard, validated, perhaps understood. And someone just responded with "try [supplements] and that tore it. To be so callous and cavalier about it, I was livid! In short, I ended up getting kicked off the forum. Similar to that, at the clinic when the doctor dismissed my symptoms (8yrs off Benzos) that they only psychological etc. He ditched me, got the management involved. How dare they trivialize my mental state! But it took a serious toll on me, getting so stressed out and just ugly. Felt like a cancer eating me from the inside out. I gotta overlook stuff if not just to save my sanity!
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