Looking for someone to talk to.

me and my husband have been together for 11 years. We have been married (just celebrated both anniversaries) 8 years. He just threw a bombshell at me.

He isn’t happy, he hasn’t been for years, I have changed and told me I need to work on things, I have my list of things to work on, but I need to find someone who I can talk to. I have no friends or relatives I can turn to locally. All my family is in FL, CT, MA, ME, and just all over the place. I don’t want to lose him, I want to be the woman he fell in love with 8 years ago.

I have health issues I am working on.

In addition, my list of things to work on myself is:

- health

- intimacy

- cooking time for downtime

- creating a stricter budget to save money

- pay off debts to build credit

- be able to say what it it I need versus throwing hints (he doesn’t take hints)

- giving him space to transition from work to home

And more I’m sure I forgot to list, I just am having a hard time processing everything.

[BlueType]

It sounds like you're trying very hard. Hopefully he's not controlling as it sounds like you do a lot for him. I hope you're safe and things get better.

[Gillyflower18]

Does he plan on working on himself too? Or help you? Just thinking.

[momander]

I think its important in any relationship that both parties work together, and recognise what they would each like to work on. Supporting eachother I this journey is key, so that it is not one sided. Iys ok for ine person tonraise that they are not happy, as maybe thst will open up.a line of comunication, as the other person may not be happy eithet. Tecignises eachothers strengths and weaknesses is important. I hope things work out for this couple

[Gillyflower18]

Yes I know. That's why I said it. He need to take part in it too. She's obviously overwhelmed.

[Cookie2217]

I have a very important question for you hidden what list of things does he have to work on? Please believe me when I tell you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Lord above. Have you ever gone to marriage counseling? Would he consider going with you if you brought this up to him? Did he give you a reason for not being happy? The reality here is that there are three sides to every story your side his side and a complete truth however it's not only one sided here your husband is not a perfect being and could stand to put some things on his list as well to work on just in case he doesn't have his own list. If he was so unhappy for years why has it taken him until now to let you know? That point would bother me because I don't know if I would be able to trust him because he hid this from you for a very long time without saying a word. How important is your relationship to him? Does he want to stay in this relationship? I know that you said that you don't want to lose him and then listed all the things that you need to do in order to make him quote on quote happy but what I am wondering is what's his side of things what does he need to do in order to make you happy or let's say this another way what do the both of you need to do together as a team as a couple together in order to make this work out? I'm sorry for all the questions but I'm just giving you some things to think about here and please read my post twice because it's very thought-provoking and it's for a reason and it is so that you never ever will sell yourself short and be with someone who does not want to be with you. Never settle for what is but instead strive for what's best for your own needs first because don't you also deserve to be happy? You most certainly do my dear. I'm hoping that this all works out for the best for you whatever way that is and however that looks like for you. Wishing you peace and wellness in your journey.