Looking for support and someone to talk to

[caunwen123]

I am new here and have joined because I still do not feel comfortable opening up to my close family or friends. I have been dealing with anxiety and depressive episodes, as well as extremely maladaptive thought patterns for the past 3 years. I have been self harming intermittently for 5 years, and suicidal thoughts are a regular occurrence. I've sought out help on multiple occasions but have never really followed through. The only person who knows about all this is my partner, and while he is very helpful and supportive, it can be alot for him to bear the responsibility of it all.

This past week I tried committing suicide for the first time. I used a method that I knew was unlikely to work, but the mere fact that I actually tried to do it scares me immensely. I don't know how to come back from this incident and move forward with my head up and a strong will, and any advice would be much appreciated. I do intend to continue seeing my therapist in the fall (my therapist is in a different province and I will only be back there in the fall).

[Ironj]

Hello caunwen123.

People with anxiety/ depression feel your pain. You tested the water in your attempt and that’s not something to take lightly. I strongly recommend that you go to a hospital and stay for 72 hour Observation. I know that’s not what you want to do or hear but that’s what you really should do. I’m hear to listen anytime just message me. John

[caunwen123 in reply to Ironj]

Thank you so much for your advice and support!

[Hidden]

Hi caunwen123!

I understand what you’re feeling and am so sorry that you’re suffering so. I would recommend professional help in one form or the other right away while the pain is fresh so that if and when you go to that dark place again, you will hopefully have had some mental health interventions. I would take this action seriously. Why be so isolated and miserable if you don’t have to be. You will need to take on much of the responsibility of seeking mental health interventions as well as being vigilant about helping yourself. Wishing you the best!!

[caunwen123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much,, I am definitely taking it seriously

[Byelka]

It's interesting that you empathize with your partner on how great a responsibility it is to bear knowing this about you. I hope you give yourself that same consideration. As heavy that weight may be for him it's an incredible thing to hold onto alone. I'm glad you'll be getting therapy in the fall. What's your plan for now? I agree with another commenter that going to a hospital is a good idea. I know that sounds scary but I've known people who have done this and it helped. I know you will think of all the reasons why you can't go, but none of those are more important than your own life. I know i don't know you, but I want you to live. I hope you get help soon.

[caunwen123 in reply to Byelka]

Thank you for your support and advice its so nice to hear everyones kind words and its reassuring to know that there are people to support me, even people I do not know. As you said, going to a hospital is very very frightening, and I do not know if I could go in at this moment. I am feeling alot better and texting with my therapist, and am getting back on track with different coping strategies.

[Sillysausage234]

Just want to say hello🙋🏻‍♂️Things can get better hope talking on here with some genuine people who understand your suffering helps a little.

[hunter4ransom]

You made a good step joining a community of people who accept you as you are and understand your pain. We are here for you. I’ve been going through horrible anxiety and terrible frightening thoughts that just won’t stop. I finally called my doctor and started on medication as well as therapy about 2 weeks ago. I can honestly say that even though I still have rough days, I’m starting to feel better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Please reach out to your doctor or therapist about the severity of your pain. There is help and your life is valuable and precious. ((Hugs))

[caunwen123 in reply to hunter4ransom]

thank you for your advice <3 so glad to hear things are getting better for you. I considered taking medication but haven't committed to anything yet. I'm glad to hear its helping for you!!

[Jvicks2]

I am so sorry for the pain you have been feeling! It is difficult to be open about these struggles, I understand. It also helps me to talk to my health professionals and attend support groups. I have anxiety and depression with suicidal ideation as well. I hate this condition! Like you, last month, I attempted suicide using a method that I knew would be unsuccessful. It is a lot to process! People do not understand what it is like to go though. I am here if you need to chat.

[GardenGramma]

Sending love, light, healing thoughts and prayers. I hope you can get all the help you need. For you to suffer in this way is a hard thing to read. Please don't hurt yourself any more. You are important, loved and needed.

[Purplebiker]

Anxiety is a wicked beast. If any of us could choose not to have it we would! We don't have that choice. I try to remind myself I'm safe.... This is not a real fear but my brain and body override my ability to convince myself I'm safe. It is so frustrating! I just want to be normal. I'm giving myself a year to keep working and push through. It takes all I have to do this everyday! If I can't keep going I give up. It's death or disability. I'm so done........... I don't tell my family I feel this way bug that's my reality.

[Abby14]

Please get proper help & follow it though. It is a horrid ilness it really is! I hate having it! It takes over your whole life! I think you need to be in hosptal! I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad we are all here for you on this site! Are you on Meds? They might really help! They do me! They help blance the chemails in your brain. Good luck with it all.

[Teatime08]

Depression sucks. Feeling like a burden has always been am issue for me. Over tried to kill myself by overdose. I love self harming. The other day I wanted to so bad when I found out my husband has been lying to me and talking to another women. But I pulled myself up and told him if he wanted to leave he could. I try to take my power back when I'm feeling broken. But I also dont want my daughter to see my scars. Find something to live for and see in your therapist is great.

[sadboy42]

id love too chat ive been through it and going through it some what too i dont judge life is tough