When do I start feeling better?

[ilovecats58]

For most of my life, I’ve had issues with anxiety. It’s really affected my quality of life. I constantly worry about random things. Once I have an anxious thought, I continue to think about it to the point where I start to have a dull pain in my chest. Some days when I have anxious thoughts bad enough, it ruins the rest of my day. It’s almost like the thing I was thinking about that made me anxious actually happened. I can’t stop these thoughts once they happen - it just keeps going until it’s ruined my day or I have to mask my feelings for the rest of the day because I’m busy doing something and don’t want others to worry.

I also think depression has made my life much more difficult for me. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for anything or anyone. I feel really fortunate to be around great people, but I don’t think I deserve any of them. I have lots of hobbies and I’m good at what I do for a living, but there are lots of other people who are much better than me at what I do. I can’t look at anything I do and say that I’m proud of my accomplishments. These things really weigh on me, and when I think about them during the day it’s hard for me to get out of it.

I’ve been to therapy on and off for about 8 years - I’ve been going consistently for the past couple of months. While I don’t want to discredit the help my current and previous therapists (suggesting things like keeping a journal, exercise, proper diet, self-care, meditating, etc.), none of these things help. It just delays time when I’ll be worrying about something next or be depressed and beat myself up over not being perfect and not feeling deserving of anything good that happens in my life.

I know that everyone to some extent deals with these sorts of issue, but life has been hard for me the past 17 years. I think a lot of relationships I’ve had (romantic or just friendship) has been ruined because of my anxiety/depression.

To people who deal with anxiety/depression and have a better grip on it than I do - how do you do it? When will things be better? When will I stop panicking about small things that don’t matter? When will I feel like I deserve the people I have around me?

I’m really tired of feeling this way and I want to get better. I don’t want to be like this, but I am, and I really don’t know what to do.

Sorry that this was long, but thank you to anyone who reads through this entire thing.

[CLB1125]

hi, do you take any medications for your mental issues? I can't say I feel better, but it's manageable. I understand how you feel completely. I don't worthy of praise for anything I do even though I have been complimented many times for the things I do. It's the way we are wired I guess. but you are here, and we all understand and want to help where we can.

[ilovecats58 in reply to CLB1125]

I don’t take any medications currently. Even if it was suggested to me, at this time I don’t think I’d be able to afford it since I don’t have insurance.

[CLB1125 in reply to ilovecats58]

I can’t afford my Emgality shots. The manufacturer has a program that gives it to people that can’t. It’s a thought. ❤️

[hypercat54 in reply to ilovecats58]

It might also help if you say what country you are in. If the USA what state? There could well be others here near you and who could help with treatment options etc.

[ilovecats58 in reply to hypercat54]

Yea from USA, Texas!

[hypercat54]

Why do you feel you have to be perfect? Whose voice do you hear telling you that? Who is telling you that you aren't good enough? Good enough for what and who?

I think you should be working on these sorts of things at therapy.

[ilovecats58 in reply to hypercat54]

Last therapy session we unpacked some childhood trauma that answered a couple of these questions. My therapist told me we’ll continue to work on talking things through next time.

[Blearyeyed]

None of us our perfect and we shouldn't feel guilty about that, it's just a lot harder to accept that when you are prone to anxiety or depression.It sounds like a cliche but getting used to treating yourself kindly is a process and it takes a lifetime of practice.

Looking after your brain is no different to looking after your body.

If you struggle with weight issues or you are diabetic you need to learn a new way of eating and choose a diet that is right for you to feel healthy. Exercise and lifestyle patterns that keep you well.

Once you do feel healthy though you can't go back to old habits and stop doing the things each day that keep you well otherwise the health problems will begin again.

It's the same when you look after your mental health.

CBT, therapy , journalling , talking , mindfulness and learning to close down negative thoughts will all help to improve how you feel about yourself and manage your life.

Remembering to take notice of the positive things that you have done in a day rather than focusing on the things you might not have done yet also helps to improve your mindset to achieve each next small step.

But just like a good diet you still need to keep using them everyday and be mindful about not letting old habits creep back in if you want to keep feeling healthy.

Retraining your brain is like learning any new skill if you don't keep practising what you have learnt to do each day you lose the knack to use those skills quickly and easily. The key is to keep doing the work and keep finding positive ways and activities to distract your mind from spending too much time left to dwell on its worst thoughts.

If techniques don't work alone you sometimes it is the strongest thing to do to ask for medical help or medication to help feel strong enough to keep focusing on thinking in a healthier way.

You are getting there. The fact that you are trying and brave enough to talk about your struggle is success in itself. Be kind and patient with yourself , and tell your negative thoughts you just won't listen to their opinion anymore if they try to creep back in . Take care , Bee

[ilovecats58 in reply to Blearyeyed]

Thank you for such a thorough response - I definitely am going to keep working on trying to retrain my brain, but it’s been such a struggle lately. I moved a couple months ago and had to quit my job that I really enjoyed and I’ve just been trying to get back into a routine I feel 100% comfortable in. Life has been more overwhelming recently as I’m trying to find work again and making a career change.

Taking notice of the positive things I’ve done in the day is something I haven’t tried yet, going to start doing that at the end of the day and hopefully can pick some of the things back up that I lost before I moved (exercise, healthy eating, journaling, etc).