Nothing is working

[BorachioHatpeg]

It's been nearly 5 months since he took my already small sad life and threw everything that was good about it away. I have tried to reestablish primary Healthcare, I have tried re-engaging in therapy, I've tried to reach out to people from my past, I tried reaching out here, Ive tried to not stop practicing self care I've changed my diet and attempted to engage in once loved hobbies. I tried to find community mental health and social support services like case management. Ive tried to make any change or improvement in my situation. I'm still right where I started. I'm alone. Actually without any human contact sometimes for days and days (like now) I'm losing hope and I can't seem to find any light at the end of this tunnel.

[gajh]

You have tried so many things. I am sorry you haven't found relief yet. Have you seen a psychiatrist and considered trying medication? Do you like reading?

[BorachioHatpeg in reply to gajh]

I've spent years in therapy and on meds. The meds were helpful until they weren't. I tried again anyway but no help there. I used to read constantly, nothing holds my attention anymore thanx for caring enough to ask.

[gajh in reply to BorachioHatpeg]

Have you tried Spravato or TMS Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation? I did not have any success with Spravato. I had minimal short term benefits from TMS. There are others here who have had great success with TMS. Connecting with people here has helped me so much. I hope you find the help and support you need here as well.

[BorachioHatpeg in reply to gajh]

I have not tried those. Problem is that I can't make myself be able to start making phone calls to get any help. I had case management when I lived in Colorado but 14 years ago I moved back to the east close thinking being near my family would somehow help. I can't seem to get help out here. I've been trying on and off for many years and much more so in the past few months but like I said 😊 nothings working

[Chinadoll81 in reply to BorachioHatpeg]

So so sorry for you. I am also in very grey place. After 54 years of marriage and 45 years living in South Africa when my COPD started to make itself felt, turned to our middle daughter who had returned to SA with her little one outcome: gave up my lovely home to buy a bigger and expensive home in Johannesburg. To look after me??? It was to be baby sitters as granddaughter was starting school. Thereafter my daughter was put in my place. After 3 years she wanted out of SA for the sake of her daughter. Have you any idea what it feels like to have my husband act like I was not first choice in discussions etc. Of course we left and returned to Scotland in 2020 where my health deteriorated, medical crap and now bed ridden. He also sold MY car!! Since then things he has said and two if my daughters has shocked me so much that I cannot get the words out of my mind. I miss my own home in South Africa soooooo much and my friends and the social life I had. So yes .I can sympathise with you. Blessings and love xxx

[bxgirlmom]

So sorry you are going through this !! We as human beings are meant to have social contact with others. You sound like you have tried to be proactive to no avail or much success. Don’t give up, something will eventually stick !! Keep coming on here, posting, venting, whatever ; people will respond. I’m wishing you all the best and hoping your situation changes!! xo

[BorachioHatpeg in reply to bxgirlmom]

Thanx for caring

[Neckback]

Hey Buttercup,

Only you can find the answers, right?

If only I could find my reset button and go back to that person that I once loved being…

It’s different strokes for different folks, we are all individuals and we need to find our own path back to loving or accepting who we are again.

What helped one may not help another, but I hope you hone your focus on it soon and the most important thing to remember is that there is always somebody worse off than yourself.

You’ll find your path, just focus.

[TailWags]

Hi. I am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with. I am single, no kids. I have siblings in the area, but sometimes, like during covid, i can go quite some time without seeing people i know. I work from home too. I sometimes wonder if getting a massage would help. I used to get them before covid but havent gotten back in to it since. I tried making appointments, but something would happen. Like they didnt have openings, or the massage therapist got sick the day i had an appt. Do you like animals? Maybe go hang out at a dog park and meet some or just watch them run and play. I have depression and anxiety. I have daily meds and clonazapm for anxiety as needed. I just started trying CBD oil instead of the clonazapam. Just a couple days in, but so far so good. I know everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another, but at least I can offer some thoughts on possible things to try. I think i am finally coming off a 2 month really rough patch. It is so easy to think things will never get better. But that is one of depressions favorite lies to tell you. I wish you relief and peace.

[BorachioHatpeg in reply to TailWags]

Thank you for reaching out to me with kindness and empathy, it really helps more than most (thankfully) will ever have to understand. I do love animals my best friend is my 2 year old maltese named Enki and he has a sweet 1 year old kitty bestie named Jynx. They get me through most days and give me laughter and love. I also still have a few regular dog boarding customers. I've been boarding dogs for 9 years more than 300 beautiful beasts have been my fuzzy guests over the years. I've had more health issues of late, increased mental illness symptoms and no support or assistance anymore which has greatly reduced the frequency of such blessings... I appreciate the unintended but lovely reminder of a thing I've done that I'm proud of and good at💛

[TailWags in reply to BorachioHatpeg]

Your work with and love for animals sounds wonderful. If you are good at figuring dog behavior let me know. I am tending a friends dog in addition to my own. Another friend brought her dog over. The third dog seems scared of the second one. Not sure why. They never got into an argument and the second one is very calm and mostly just sleeps or lays there.Anyhow, i am a few days in to the cbd oil. No clonazapam since i started the oil. I also plan to work with a dr with amino acids. lifemedical.us/service/neur...

The dr sent me a few links to articles on different topics.

Well, almost midnight. I should try to sleep. Took a half dose of cbd oil in hopes it will help. Take care. You can do it.

[Train123]

Have you tried antianxiety medication? It has helped me a lot, along with daily journaling. Find ten things you like about youurself and write them down. You are worth it! I too am alone most of the time but am slowly engaging with others. Take baby steps to finding purpose. My purpose? Be kind to everyone you meet.

[BorachioHatpeg in reply to Train123]

I have tried so many medications for anxiety, anti-psychotics, anti-convulsants, benzo's, SSRI'S, SNRI'S, TCA'S, off label drugs... The list is long. Some helped alot but they don't help enough anymore to make the side effects acceptable. I will try to start journaling again, it's hard to not just feel like I'm repeating myself to myself in a weird dark pointless loop but I also understand why if I can only keep trying I stand a better chance than if I don't. It's all so exhausting. Thank you for reaching out to me with such nice words of encouragement. I appreciate you! 💜

[bethelbee]

Hi! I'm so sorry you are dealing with all that. I was also going to suggest alternative treatment to meds. After decades on antidepressants I became treatment resistant to them my therapist suggested TMS and for me it was literally life saving. As gajh said and I'm sure you know, not every treatment works for everyone but it is worth a shot. If you want more information, let me know. Also, if you are interested in any zoom support groups for depression and anxiety check out LiveWell-Foundation. They are really good with great moderators. There are several groups during the week. It would be a good way to have some human contact, even though it's online. Hope things work out for you! Wishing you some peace in your life.

[BorachioHatpeg in reply to bethelbee]

❤️Thank you so much! I have been trying to find support groups with not great results. I have read tons about tms as well as every other potentially effective alternative treatment that could help multiple treatment resistant co-occurring diagnosis :-\

I am very grateful for the caring, thoughtful and supportive people, like you here that have helped me to feel, at least a little bit less alone in some frighteningly desolate moments lately. It's nice to feel like I might not be as alone as it seems.🤗

[bethelbee in reply to BorachioHatpeg]

You are definitely not alone here. Many of us spend a lot of time alone. I've lost a few friends in the past few years, not to death but to circumstance. I'm also dealing with a few health and medical issues which keep me from getting out much so my contact with others is minimal. If it weren't for TMS I would have really spiralled by now. I can definitely relate to feeling alone.

[annietap40 in reply to BorachioHatpeg]

Hello...I'm new here and read your message. I'm going through lowest of low depression where everything us coloured black. Most despairing place to be.I feel for you and wish I could help lift you..so dont feel alone as I'm going to think that way now I've found this group. And I lived in S.A. for over 30 years. Back in UK permanently...