I tried taking a break

[SaltyWaves]

I took a break "from life" this summer to focus on improving my mental health. I slowly saw improvements and resumed "life" when the summer ended. While I'm not as depressed as I was before, I still only feel like I am surviving. Instead of being depressed about my situation, I'm depressed about my weakness. I seem unable to step up from surviving to living. There is a brokenness in me that I keep trying to bandage and move on from because there is no fix. There is no cure for depression. There is no cure for anxiety. And I have to be able to live with what I've been given. I have to.

I'm trying to switch my mindset to "I want to." I am struggling to accept my limitations. I have goals and dreams that are challenging to achieve, but should still be achievable if I just put in the work. I am putting in the work, but my mental illnesses keep getting in my way. They slow me down. Time is precious and I don't want to waste it taking baby steps as an adult.

I believe that all of us are capable of doing hard things. We don't need a history of trauma to prove it.

I'm not afraid of doing hard things. I'm afraid of the cost to my mind and my soul. I don't have much left to give.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I think there is a book that can help you with your anxiety and depression. It helped me because I felt like you. I was living life and then back in 2021 I had a major setback. I felt so weak because how did I let myself fall so far from grace? I was finally doing things and living the life I was finally living. Now I'm at the bottom again. But I discovered the app first and then the book. And it changed my life. I wasn't as far down the dark tunnel as I thought I was. I'm still a work in progress but at least there is hope now. That's all I needed was a glimmer of light in that dark tunnel. True anxiety will always be with you because it's part of us. We need the fight or flight response. We just need to rewire our brain that not everything is a threat.

The app is called Dare and the book is called Dare: A New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks by Barry McDonagh.

Wishing you healing and peace 🫂 ❤️

[SaltyWaves in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you for the book rec! I will definitely check it out. I'm looking for any glimmer of hope I can get.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to SaltyWaves]

You are very welcome and I hope it does help. 🫂❤️

[Mountainlover57]

Although there may not be an exact cure for depression and anxiety, there are ways to relieve the symptoms and to live a healthy life. Are you in therapy? Do you engage in exercise even if it's baby steps like walking a short distance around a park or just anything to start with? I have been learning about my anxiety for decades and have situational depression when something comes up I can go into depression. I will see my doctor as soon as possible. I have been with my therapist for years and it has helped me tremendously. Have you thought of acupuncture? Have you thought about ketamine treatments?

[SaltyWaves in reply to Mountainlover57]

I've been struggling with depression for 10 years now myself and am taking the steps that I usually do of increasing therapy, meeting with my psychiatric provider, and trying to go outside more.Every time I'm back in this place I wonder how I ever got out the last time but the truth is that I stay along the edges of the pit of depression and don't usually get far enough away for it to not have a hold on me. So it ends up feeling like I've been in the same depression for 5 years eith it just alternating between being more or less intense

[Mountainlover57]

I usually have situational depression and I'm trying to figure out a way to regulate my emotions through standard therapy and alternative methods right now. For myself, I'm reaching out and researching psilocybin therapy which is done in Oregon with a certified facility. There are so many different types of therapy such as somatic, quantum hypnosis therapy, etc. I wish you well in your healing journey.

[SaltyWaves]

Thank you. My mom suffers from PTSD and found psilocybin therapy to greatly reduce her night terrors, and it actually also helped reduce her tendinitis pain in her leg. I'm willing to try almost anything, but medication therapy complicates my ability to try different options right now.

I think I'd like to try somatic therapy if I can find a provider near me

Good luck with your healing journey as well. I hope you find an alternative method that works for you ❤️‍🩹