Am I Depressed?

[Cb2410]

Hi! I have a really hard time leaving my bed. I self isolate and do nothing all day. This has been going on for 8 years already. I am on meds for depression and anxiety plus ADD. I barely ever leave my house. I started to see a therapist 2 years ago. I honestly hate my life! Who enjoys sitting in bed watching Netflix all day, instead of tending to their real responsibilities? I honestly find doing regular things too hard for me. Everything is too overwhelming, so I do nothing instead, and feel horrible. My therapist keeps telling me that I am not depressed ( because I don't cry much) and I feel really invalidated. She just tells me that I am lazy and so I give myself the excuse of saying that I am depressed and I don't get out of bed. She claims that I don't try hard enough. But I am always fighting and try getting out of this cycle. Some weeks I am okay. But somehow, I always fall back to my bad pattern of staying in bed all day and self isolating. My therapist is fed up with me. I am fed up with myself because I feel like I am wasting my life by not trying hard enough. I keep questioning what the hell is wrong with me! I feel like I may be depressed, but I am not sure. If anyone can please shed some light if this sounds like I am struggling with depression, or I am just lazy?

[Glitterpink07]

I would definitely try to find another therapist. I can total relate to you, every simple task I have to do is like the end for me and with two kids it’s that much harder. There are some good therapist out there I really hope you find someone that will validate you. I’m here if you need to talk.

[Cb2410 in reply to Glitterpink07]

Hi! Thanks for responding! I actually am a mom of 4 kids. My issue is that I am really attached to my therapist. I have been seeing her 2 times a week. I feel like she is sort of my mom even though she doesn't get me. She really cares about me and I never had someone like that in my life yet. She talks to me between sessions and I go to her house a lot. She used to drive every morning to get me out of my house before the carona virus era, every single day. We would go out to eat , drive to places ect., I was doing really well this entire year because of her. Once the carona virus era started she had to stop picking me up and I only left my home twice since then. I don't like speaking to her on the phone because she would just keep making me crazy to get out of bed. I get very nervous when she does that. She gets really aggravated with me when I don't listen to her. I don't blame her because she went out of her way so much for me. I feel like the only and most important benefit , is that she got me out of the house every day. But when it came to understanding, and validating me it wasn't her strong suit. It hurt a lot to not be understood. I don't feel like starting with a new therapist, because I love my connection with her. I don't want to give that up.

[Agora1 in reply to Cb2410]

Cb2410, sometimes "tough love" is what we need in order to take that

next step. I too have a therapist who I have a great connection with.

During the time I was Agoraphobic, she came to my home, offered to

sit outside or take a walk and then we moved it to phone sessions.

She was always there anytime I needed her, she would make room.

There was a time that the calls were up to 5 x a week. She accepted

only what the insurance paid her which wasn't very much. I didn't

like CBT sessions because I didn't like being forced into something I

wasn't ready for. There were times I felt pressured and could feel

her frustration. I would give myself a break but then go back to her.

One day, it all came to me, that because of her persistence, I made it

out of this tangled web of anxiety and fear. Today, I still touch base

with her every so often, not so much for help but just chatting.

I see her at Christmas time at her office. We celebrate my healing.

If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have reached my goal.

Finding the right connection with a therapist is a gift. Only you can make

the decision to stay or go. When the time is right for you, it will become

apparent what she was striving to do for you. xx

[Cb2410 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks! Hearing your experience with your therapist was really helpful! You are right about the tough love. I guess that I just need to stick it out with my therapist because she does help me after all . I just hope that they find a cure for the carona virus, because I am sick of laying in bed all day. I really need my therapist to help me get out of my house again. I really appreciate you sharing this with me. It really put things in to perspective.

[Glitterpink07 in reply to Cb2410]

This makes sense. I understand not wanting to get another therapist. It sounds like she just wants the best for you.

[Tetelatia]

Sounds like depression. I have been having a hard time getting out of bed also. I take clonazepam, lexapro and medical marijuana. I still feel confused though. I wish I could say more to help you. Maybe try a new therapist. I need to go back to mine. I'm going to say a prayer for you. I pray you feel better soon.

[Vanillaorchid]

Get a new therapist! That one sucks. Good luck!

[catch_the_music]

A marked diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities is a symptom of depression. Perhaps your issue is that you cannot do things as perfect as you want to - so you have stopped trying. This may have led to you feeling guilty. In order to move forward - you need to forgive yourself for the times you did not get out of bed. You can start by praying. Ask Jesus to forgive you for the times you did not get out of the house. Ask Him for strength to go forward and do things - even if it is not easy. Understand that over time things will get easier. Get connected with a local church and find the encouragement you need to stay motivated. Let God's grace motivate you. Find your Purpose! Prayers for your success! You can do this!