I am so plagued by anxiety I can't function

[clusterfuck]

I have a list of chronic illnesses that is almost unbelievable. COPD is just one of them. Recently I developed aspiration pnuemonia. I was nearly passed out from oxygen deprivation when the ambulance came. My roommates said I was purple. I have to date had 3 heart attacks from lungs shutting down. I am now afraid to do anything. I am wracked with fear constantly. I don't want to live like this and I'm too afraid of messing up and making things worse to kill myself. I don't want to hurt myself...I want to stop hurting so much. I have no support system at all. I asked one of my roommates just to stand near me for a couple of minutes while I calmed down. His response was to scream at me that he's tired of me and it's my own fault for smoking. He then went and smoked about 5 cigarettes. I'm old now and no one cares. My family hates me because my male relatives molested me my whole fucking childhood and I failed to keep it secret. In the last 6 years I had cancer and found out I have a cancer syndrome, had my hip replaced, 3 heart attacks and an eye stroke. Why won't I just die in my sleep. I pray every night to die just in case there is a god. I have never, in my 58 years been so depressed.

[jkl5500]

I'm so sorry all this has happened to you. If you'd like to talk, vent, etc., I'm here to listen.

[Sillysausage234]

Hi sorry to hear your in such a bad place,I have copd too and it’s no joke trying to cope some days with the breathlessness there’s a good health unlocked site ...the British lung foundation you don’t have to be British if your not a member maybe join it as lots of people in the same boat ,best wishes for a better day tomorrow for you.

[Rockmeamadeus]

I am so so sorry all this has happened to you. ❤️ I hope you find support here, or anywhere, rather than what sounds like a cruel roommate.

[Coco123456]

Can you find a better living situation? I am sorry you are suffering. Your life matters. God bless you today. Do you want me to call some churches near you to see if there is anyone who could viait?

[JuneVas]

I, too, am so sorry to hear about your situation! There are many people here who will lend an ear! Stay connected, we care!

[Hidden]

Hi there - yours is a shocking list of health problems to have survived so well.

I don't know why you are still here to tell the tale but think you must have the strength to will yourself to survive. I had several bouts of pneumonia and was recommended to have a vaccine. I never had one as there are always times when I have dips in mood with diabetes chronic sinus irritable bowel syndrome - I try to keep away from surgeries as most people are coughing and wheezing ha! May be a vaccine would be helpful for you and as you have heart attacks, may be a flu jab would be in order? My dad was in his 90.s and had the same health experiences as yourself- he was still working aged 90 doing research for the British Library. He had a long and happy life.

I found actually studying different foods and vitamins helped me to control my weight

and my diabetes. Just taking your mind off the problem with new information gives you the drive to try to alter your lifestyle and cut out those irritants like smoking which may give you another attack. I don't know if you have seen your doctor about this as you have numerous near death experiences - pretty sure your doctor can help you. Take care.