Resentment, hatred, proving my self

[Magenta__]

I m a female, 35+, Indian ethnicity

From a small age, i have been insulted & humiliated and here are some of those statements

-money doesnt grow on trees, whn you will earn then you will know

-we spent so much on your education

-we paid your medical bills when you were sick

-she is dark and fat thats why she isnt getting proposals and no guy wants to marry her

-eat less, use fairness cream, look at those other girls how they take care of themselves

-you obey and respect ur parents, thy only want good for you, whatever they say is for ur good

This is only 5 percent of all that has happened, now i have intense hatred and resentment towards my immediate family members, especially my mother.

All the time in my head i keep on saying to this to my self,

i will get thin, healthy & beautiful one day and show it to them,

i will get my own flat one day and show it to them,

i will get married to someone and will prove them wrong.

How do i fix my thoughts? The society has always put me down, rejected me. No body want to accept as i am. I have to change to be accepted. And for that i always try to prove myself to others. How do i break this cycle. What do i do?

So many movies also show similar, a kid bullied when young, but then he uses that hatred to get better, and eventually get better than those, and takes the final spotlight and fame.

Why do people say, proving urself to others is wrong? What else should i do then? Isnt it how the world actually works?

[Ambien1711]

Wow! You have been through a lot. I am almost 35 in (Nov) and am full-blooded German. I live in the US and yes it is VERY hard when you are different than those around you. NO one has the right to put YOU down, who on earth do ppl think they are, anyway? WHO made them God? No one! They are nobodies, and I say that because only a nobody would say those things about you. They are insulting you to lift themselves up. I am also Plus Size and married for 8 years, TODAY is our anniversary! Dear, you are not getting proposals because you are bigger, it is because you do not LOVE yourself. Men pick up on that and then think that you are not worthy of love, but YOU ARE DEAR. You must show that love to yourself first. It sounds like you are in a toxic environment, can you make an action plan to get away? PROVE those suckers wrong! Just work on you and your life and your CONFIDENCE will kill their remarks! And just do NOT CARE what they say, then they lose their power. Even your parents have no right to treat you this way. And I am sorry for the bullying when you were young, I was bullied too. I have an accent so I was bullied. And Plus Size women should do extra self-care and self-love because of those critics. Make YOU feel special and loved. You have a friend here. I wear makeup (I didn't get to as a teen) and jewelry and wear nice clothes. Check out Rosegal. I think they ship world-wide. If you do not have the money to do these things (I am not rich either and I always deal-shop!) then just do your best. Can you get a sugar scrub recipe for your face or check out Kitchen Recipes? Just google that. SO use things in your kitchen to make beauty scrubs and potions. You can make your life MAGICAL. Make an action plan and one day you will be able to do all these things and then WOW, look at you! Please check out my Post called "For My Sister PackerGirl." There is a pic of me. Do you think I'm fat and ugly? I am 240 lbs. dear. In that picture! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, I Don't CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS! Best of luck to you dear!

[Ambien1711]

And dear you are ALREADY beautiful without makeup and such, but just recommending what I do to feel extra special.....

[footgo]

Hello Magenta__

As you are aware, you are in a very difficult situation, a dark place with very little or no light. Whatever you do or try to do you know that you will be ‘shot down’. No help, no mercy, no compassion, no support at all, only criticism! Will this ever change, by what you say l doubt it?

Are you able to move away from this situation financially, are you employed outside of your family, or dependent on your family? Can you not stay with a reliable girlfriend until you are able to support yourself and find sanity and a better life for yourself?

I wish you a speedy solution to your many problems Magenta__ , it is up to you to make the first move l am sorry to say.

Please take extreme care in your situation, it will not be an easy journey that you wish to make. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[Ambien1711 in reply to footgo]

This is very good advice footgo! Thanks for helping to encourage others! Together we can make it!

[Roukaya]

I am a Female Muslim and I have also been insulted my Mothers side of the Family for being dark and humiliated for being unmarried

I have several degrees including Lae but did not qualify as a Lawyer

I live on my own and my parents separated and my Mother went back to live overseas

I cared for my Father and looked after his Property Business and today I am trying to become a Lawyer for the elderly

But due to anxiety I have failed my exams and also I live by myself and I am very lonely

The answer is that you are what you are

Your family’s view point does not define who you are

[Blackdog1]

I think it's pretty understandable to want to show people who always doubted you that you have made it.

I have struggled with this myself and have wanted people in my world to think I was a talented and special artist because (at least partially) I didn't like where my life was going and the artist was the "real (successful)me" and one day, everyone would see,etc.

But I've since understood the world is fickle and unpredictable. Maybe I'll have their admiration, maybe I never will.

I saw that the quality of my day was heavily influenced by how people treated me. I was looking for love, for goodness, for happiness, from them. Now, I try to generate my own happiness and my own contentment.

My primary focus now is, am I valuable and worthy in my own eyes?

How do you start feeling better about yourself? Accomplish things!!! Start really small, things have to be achieveable. I also recommend keeping daily notes so you can have actual evidence that you have done things/kept promises to yourself. Depression has a way of tricking you into thinking you never accomplish anything.