Problem with a friend

[b1b1b1]

I have a friend whom I have known for a number of years. We usually have dinner together once a week and sometimes see each other one other time during the week. About two years ago she suggested the idea of chatting on the phone every day. These calls were generally relatively short and we just usually talked about our day. It became the custom for her to call me one day and me to call the next day etc. Several weeks ago she pretty much stopped calling, although there has not been any rift or argument and we still plan to have dinner once a week.

I am angry and somewhat hurt, as it has been an abrupt change without any explanation or reason on her part. Perhaps I am over reacting. I would appreciate any thoughts.

[fauxartist]

I would talk to her and ask her what's up?.... and that if calling every day didn't work out for her, it's okay to just give you a heads-up about it, otherwise you are left wondering what's going on. It would have been more courteous to have let you know for sure. Sometimes people just do stuff and don't want to explain why because they think it would hurt the other persons feelings, but it hurts more not knowing.

[b1b1b1 in reply to fauxartist]

Yes, Faux - that is a good idea. It is scary for me to confront people, but I think I will try to do that, although I will have to pluck up some courage. b1 x

[fauxartist in reply to b1b1b1]

I think with a nice slow breath, and from the heart, say that you were just wondering what the change up was, you never know what others are going through or if they just didn't know what to say..... I try to remember it's not always personal...sometimes stuff happens. Then I think you will feel relieved one way or another...issue resolved...

[b1b1b1 in reply to fauxartist]

Faux - That is a very good way to put it ---"I am just wondering what the change up was." I often struggle with how to phrase things when there is some negative emotion involved. b1

[fauxartist in reply to b1b1b1]

That's understandable....maybe look at it as a curiosity and not as a slight....don't take anything on board...and that might make it easier for you to have a casual conversation about it when it's comfortable to do so. It's often better to know some stuff that not.

[NorwegianWood]

Try asking, "How are you travelling these days?" This goes beyond, "How are you?" which is never treated seriously. It gives permission for heavier things to be spoken about. Mention that you both aren't talking regularly like you used to and wondered if you needed to change the frequency. Just a way to broach the topic and get the talking happening.

[b1b1b1 in reply to NorwegianWood]

Thanks, good thought!

[WriteMoveSpeak]

I can’t help wondering if she might be going through something, for those of us suffering from anxiety and depression, it’s easy to turn other people’s behavior and make it about us, but she may be suffering from something herself. I recently had something similar happen with a friend of mine (not someone I speak to daily but relatively regularly) and it turned out she was in her own depression spiral. Maybe she needs a friend to offer her some support right now 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just a possibility. In any case, it sounds like a good opportunity to remain open and just see how your friend is doing. I hope you’re able to talk it out!

[b1b1b1 in reply to WriteMoveSpeak]

Yes, that is possible.

[momander]

hI,

Without really knowing the background of your friendship, it is difficult for us to understand fully what has happened. Perhaps you could just reach out to her, suggest meeting up for a coffee, then gently ask her what has happened. We never really know what may be going on in other paople's lives, and so maybe just try to understand that there may be something she just does not know how to deal with? she might not know what to say or do, and so is just shutting herself off? maybe she is not being rude or discourteous at all? maybe she is struggling? speak from the heart with empathy and kindness and hopefully she will talk with you. I hope everything works out for both of you

[b1b1b1 in reply to momander]

Yes, very true.

[Hidden in reply to momander]

My sister did this to me, but she just dumped me with no explanation, and I have been devastated for two years, We were very close - my only true friend. I know she's been through some horrific experiences lately, and that;s probably why, but she won't answer my e-mails no matter what. It just won't stop hurting. I miss her so much and I'm lonely, but I'm making a fool out of myself trying to contact her....

[b1b1b1 in reply to Hidden]

I am sorry; it is especially difficult when it is a sister.

[Hidden in reply to b1b1b1]

Thank you so much for caring and responding. It's great to be treated with decency!