I am proud of myself for doing the limited contact thing. I feel so much better. But there is one thing that just drives me crazy and I need to get rid of, but I don't know how. When I have texted something important to him. Then I see him being active multiple times a day (for reading the news and watching "funny" videos). But doesn't respond to me. I'm sure he has read part of the message from the notification, sees it's important and doesn't answer. This is driving me crazy. I don't mind him being busy. But I mind some stupid videos to be more important than my messages.
Please, how do I stop being like that?
Written by
sad_watermelon
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Well…you know, of course, that when you still want to be more important to him than, say, funny vids, you haven’t really created a distance from him. He still has the power to hurt you, given by you.
D’you think you’re doing the distance thing in order to get better mental health - or in order to improve your relationship with him?
I'm doing it for me. To feel better. But I gat mad when any of my friends (he calls himself my friend and I see him as one) ignores me because of something so stupid like online funny videos. And this ignorance is for hours! It's just disappointing to see that it turns out I am not so important in my friend's life as they are in mine
I disagree with the conclusion, melon. People can prefer to watch funny vids to answering messages for all sorts of reasons. Or, yes, you may be less important to him than he is to you. In roughly half of all friendships that will happen. Now, and in the future. It’s normal.
Hi,I get this very much because of my journey towards separating from my abuser. I like Zyxx's first response very much because it mirrors things I've been told (namely the comments that he still has the power to hurt you (given by you), and you haven't really distanced yourself from him).
It was harder than even I anticipated to separate from mine because of the trauma bond I had formed with her. It's still there (just passed the 2.5 year mark...), but the good news is that is has weakened considerably.
I'm not saying that our situations are alike in any way (because they're not); I'm just saying that I get your feelings here because of what I've gone through. Be prepared for it to hurt for a while. But also know that it does get better. It might not get better with the speed at which you want, but please know that it does get better. What you're going through is a grief, and grief takes as long as it takes. Allow yourself to go through the process. Trust it. It might annoy the Hell out of you, but please trust it.
I’m sorry to say this but, choosing videos over discussing something important with you is a signal that he doesn’t care. He’s telling you he doesn’t want to be bothered with it. I know that hurts but it’s the truth of the matter. You care a lot more about your friendship than he does. I would suggest to stop following him on social media or wherever you see him at. Focus on your self care. Here’s a quote from the great Maya Angelou
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
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That thing that I most hate to speak about......
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