severe depression/anxiety from grown kids

[Strivingtochange]

My grown kids have very little to do with me. In their 30’s with no kids. It can be weeks with no calls or texts. If I call or text either of them it seems I am bothering them. Nothing has happened to cause this. Been this way for a few years and seems to be getting worse. The less contact with them the more depressed I become. My friends tell me it’s that generation. I don’t understand and was raised that way and didn’t raise my kids that way. So tired of crying and being sad. Anyone else dealing with this?

[Veteran250]

hello Striving…….. That’s the way kids are these days….. we haven’t heard from our daughter and two Grandsons for going on five years now…. We knock on their front door, phone, but to no avail….. and they only live 500yard down the road….. no explanation is forthcoming….. try to enjoy life as best you can, seems to me that you raised your children the right way…… I don’t know how to console you…….. we have learned to accept it

Hope things improve for you!

Don.

[Strivingtochange in reply to Veteran250]

Thank you for your reply. I have been to counselors, but it is with me all the time. I hope one day to learn how to deal with it since it doesn’t look like things are going to change.

[Rainbow-Lover in reply to Veteran250]

This is so sad Don. I admire you for being able to accept this situation and get on with your life.

These are fine words of wisdom for everyone in this position:

May I have the courage to change the things I can., the courage to accept the things I can’t ….. and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Willow2022]

I am a bit older than your kids (40’s) and I have kids. I am always on the phone with my parents who live across the country. I love them as my parents but I enjoy them as people and my friends.

My sister lives maybe 20 minutes away and sees them every couple of months. She has grown kids and works but seems very disinterested in just hanging out with our parents. I don’t understand.

What I tell myself is everyone is different. I know she loves them but gets annoyed with them. I think she is busy with her own life and doesn’t even think that our parents miss her. Selfish? Yes. Intentional? I doubt it.

Maybe reach out to your kids and tell them you miss just catching up. Suggest maybe a call/FaceTime one day per week to chat about just life. Perhaps they don’t even know they are hurting your feelings. Communicate with them.

[Strivingtochange in reply to Willow2022]

Thank you. I have told them that I would love to talk to them every week or so since they go months with no contact. I have told them I miss them and always here for them. I think I have to learn to live with it, but haven’t figured out how to stop it from hurting my heart all the time. I also liked hanging out with my parents and hard to understand. I agree, I think some of it is different personality.

[DogLover567 in reply to Strivingtochange]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know my Mom goes through this with my sister. My sister told her to stop coming over and calling several years ago (she lives across the street from her) and that broke my Mom's heart. So my Mom can call once a month or so. It's sad, but people can be inconsiderate and selfish. My sister can be selfish and not show empathy or compassion toward family and would rather be with friends. I would suggest working on building some friendships. I know it doesn't replace it, but people rarely change.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,I am sorry that your family seems to be less than considerate to your needs.

A friend of mine with a similar issue sent a box of biscuits with an invitation to share coffee and biscuits during the evening on the 1st Sunday of the month in a zoom meeting. It's a happening thing now for the past 4 months. I am not sure if they increase contact but at least the novel circuit breaker worked 😉 🐈‍⬛

[WolfMuffin]

Sorry that you are going through this. I have daughter in her 30’s that I went through this with for years. I cried , I lost sleep , everything . Then I said no more I’m getting older and this just going to make me sick and send me to an early grave. So I cut off contact. I love her and I prayer for her everyday. But I’m not taking the abuse anymore. Life is short and then we die. That’s no way to spend what life you have left. I know it’s hard. But you have to take of yourself.

[Strivingtochange in reply to WolfMuffin]

Thank you for your reply. I understand that. I would never have treated my parents like this and genuinely loved them and wanted to spend time with them. I hope to get to where you are soon. It is so hard, but I have to get there to save myself.

[WolfMuffin]

I prayer that you do.

[CLB1125]

I have 2 children.son 42 years old and my daughter is 40 years. Neither have living children. My son calls me 4 times a day sometimes. We see him every weekend. He’s divorced. My daughter is married and I see her twice a month when we go grocery shopping. I never get a text or call unless something is going on. Her husband asked her why she doesn’t call more, she told him, they know where I am if they need me. Raised the same but totally different. Slowly I’m seeing my family grow farther apart. Mainly because I can’t do the cookouts and meals anymore and no one else is going to do it. So I guess I just have to accept it. I know it’s sad and I wonder what will happen when my husband or I pass away. I don’t think they do it intentionally or maliciously, they are just busy living their own lives.

[Bella_lee]

Hi @Strivingtochange I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this situation with your children and my heart goes out to you. I have two daughters in their twenties and I know how much I love them and treasure our relationship together.

Is it possible that they so much time at work and don't have a lot of free time to spend with you. I know this should not be an excuse but I think sometimes the younger generations can be more selfish with their time.

Have you considered maybe inviting them to an activity that they will enjoy and use that as an avenue to spend time with him. If you have a daughter maybe plan a spa pamper day for both of you to enjoy and this way she looks forward to doing something special with you and you get time to also connect.

Praying that as you go forward, the coming days beings healing and peace for your emotions and also the wisdom you need to navigate this situation.

I wish you all the very best for the future.