Anxiety about my Kids

I am always excessively worried about my kids. They are 18 and 15. It has always been this way...but as they get older and more independent ( which is good) and I have less control or influence, (which is also normal), my anxiety has gotten much worse. Each has a problem I seem to obsess over. My daughter is overweight and only has a few friends. My son is so disorganized and forgetful. Anyway, how can I let go of the constant worry?

[Hidden]

You just sound like a good mother. My mom still worries and all her kids are middle aged. Does she wish we didn’t have certain problems? Absolutely she does. I doubt any good mother doesn’t feel the way you do. That said. I think with my mom what helped her cope with worrying was time. It takes time to turn off the mom switch, and even then you won’t completely stop worrying. Mothers are mothers forever.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for responding...I appreciate the time you took to reply. It helped me feel better. I know I fall into the trap of thinking that they wouldnt have problems if I was a better mother. But, I have done my best, as a single mom, and my own issues, I guess. Thx

[fauxartist]

It's a mom thing anyways....but when they pop out they are their own little people, and you did your best to help them develop and kids at that age are plagued with influence from their peers and theres nothing you can do but be supportive....ask if any bulling is going on because that is often behind a lot of what goes on with kids in that age group. Then you will hopefully be able to understand a little more. Let them know it's okay to talk to you about it and that you just want them to be happy young adults. The thing is...we cannot fix them....we have to trust that they will make their best choices, and we have to trust they will.....and when they fall down, we pick them up, and have to put our hands in our pockets and let them go back out there and try again. Now with that said, some kids are suffering psychological issues and they may need professional help, that is something you should intervene with I think, but try and let them make the choice to do so, then it would be the most helpful for them.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Good thoughts.... I will ask about the bullying, and reinforce with them that they can always talk to me. And maybe with time, the paralyzing anxiety will lessen. Thanks so so much for responding!

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

I think because we no longer have any control over protecting them every step of the way like you do when they are little.....we have to let them go out into the world on their own as young adults now.... it's hard for us.... and any parent will experience what your going through....but to also have diagnosed anxiety ...it makes it especially terrifying..... I don't know if your in therapy....but it wouldn't hurt for our sake. It helped me a lot over the years, but sharing here is really helpful for me too....glad your here.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

My insurance allows for therapy at one place in town, and the only therapist available is 22 years old. I am trying to keep an open mind that someone who doesnt have a lot of life experience can really understand or help me. Its worth a try.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

I went to a clinic that allowed for a sliding scale type of thing, there were therapists doing their 1000 hours of sessions to get their lic. and it was some of the best work I had gotten done in years.....I paid 10.00 a session. Also I have heard from others here that they found free or affordable from various groups...I'd check around on line and see....NAMA?.....don't know too much....but I am sure there is something.

Best wishes to you.

[Ann10]

I think all moms worry about their kids. You have plenty of company. A therapist might be able to give you some parenting pointers even if she is not a parent. The coping skills still apply. As a single parent, you have a hard job. I hope this will bit.ly/enourage__you as you parent.

[Hidden in reply to Ann10]

It does help to hear that I am not alone. Thanks for taking the time to comment!