Long term mental health

[Willow2022]

Speaking with husband today regarding where we are planning to live and if we want to stay for 10 years or so or the rest of our lives. I started to cry and husband thought I was just stressed so he said we didn’t have to discuss it anymore. I realized in that moment that I don’t see myself living 10 more years. In that moment I realized I am holding out for my kids to get through high school before I implement a plan to end my life. It surprised me but feel inevitable.

[Tigerlilly7]

Hello

Sorry you are feeling this way

Why when leave high school

Your children need you forever!

My dad left the family home when I was in my last year of high school with the same sort of idea that I was old enough to not need them.

Unfortunately they are not here anymore due to illness

I miss them dearly and even at my age I have days I really need them!

[Willow2022 in reply to Tigerlilly7]

I guess I figure after high school they will be old enough to make it on their own. Right now there can’t take care of themselves.

[AnxiousSilver]

"I realized in that moment that I don’t see myself living 10 more years."

Here.. I get that way too. (a lot more than I want to lately, but that's a whole other convo)

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Here.. "Normal" People (AKA people without anxiety, depression, ETC) can have that question asked to them, and it will not bother them like it bothers us.

People with anxiety sometimes dread the, "where do you see yourself in 5 years", and part of that is that it's healthier for us to be in the present moment.

If anything, give yourself credit for recognizing that yesterday wasn't probably the best day to answer that question, and hopefully on a day when you are feeling a little bit better, (AKA on a day when you are feeling less anxious or stressed) you can be the one to approach your husband about it.

Try to tell your husband something along the lines of that you 2 are in this together, but this discussion needs to be on a day when you are feeling up to it.

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& Whenever that discussion happens, try to treat yourself afterwards. Even if it's as something simple like eating a desert that you like, or doing a favorite activity or hobby. ETC.

[Willow2022 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Ugh, to be normal and have normal reactions. I get what you are saying. Some days are just so exhausting even though I felt okay mentally

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Willow2022]

"Some days are just so exhausting even though I felt okay mentally"

Believe me I get it.

When you have daily struggles with Severe GAD, (like me) along with PAs and depression swings, and THEN deal with all the messed up stuff (family health) that I currently have on my plate (which I hopefully will share with you guys soon), you'll see how much I really do "get it".

Listen.. We're all in this together, but it's "those moments" where we feel "all alone" that really mess us up.

That's why this site is so important. (at least to me it is)

[Willow2022 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Thank you for your words.

[32Punch]

I'm so sorry you feel this way Willow. I totally get it though. Sometimes it is too much to imagine living the rest of your life like it is now. But that's just the thing, the only thing constant in life is change. You won't live the rest of your life like it is now.

The most important thing I have learned is suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know we agree that this "temporary" problem (s) feel like they are lasting a lot longer than temporary should. Completely valid. But you have succeeded in surviving difficult situations 100% of the time since you were born. And you will continue to succeed in surviving difficult situations 100%.

Hopefully you feel you can open up to your therapist about how you are feeling. You need to let it out to a caring listener.

[AlexFlorida]

Please please please don’t ever end your life! Your kids will always need you! Always! The world needs you! We need you! You are important Willow2022

[Willow2022 in reply to AlexFlorida]

Thank you Alex (((((hug)))))

[Southernmama2022]

Oh sweet friend, I hear your heart. I’ve felt those twinges of just not making plans moving forward. When you think of the years you have with your children still being at home, what are the things you cherish? What brings you joy? As they get older, what do you want for them in life and do you want to be a part of those moments? Those are questions I have asked myself. Here is an article you might benefit from, crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/....

Also, have you talked to anyone? Here is a number you can talk to someone and then they can get you connected to resources in your area, 855-382-5433.

Praying you keep planning the next 15-20-30-etc years.