Yesterday's session with my Psychiatrist (depression)

[SuchiCat]

Hello! 👋🏻

Yesterday I got back from my Psychiatrist's clinic. He's a friend of mine as I have been seeing him on and off since 2007. He knows my history, and the history of my mother and maternal aunt. He was empathetic with me, and tried to convince me to accept and ignore my depression. He told me that all I focus on, and have focused on for years, is "I have depression, I'm suffering!". He told me if I keep shedding all the light only on the depression it will grow and multiply. He told me that my brain 🧠 is really smart, and that I inherited good genes from my mother and father because they are really intelligent people, but if this brain wakes up with nothing to do each morning 🌄 it will take the path of least resistance and bring up the depression and make it bigger because it knows nothing else to do. He told me to get busy, and write ✍ tasks at night before sleep, and execute when I wake up, He told me your thinking needs to be distracted from this depression, you have to ignore this conversation with it, don't get into this dialogue with your brain. Consider it to be a toxic relationship with a toxic girl 👧🏻 just hang up the phone and never give into her trying to call you again, once you pick up that phone 📱 she will manipulate you and make you want to get back to her. He told me don't entertain the thoughts, don't give them a chance to grow and take over your entire life.

I told him some of the thoughts I think about each morning 🌄 he told me how can anyone even live each day with these dark thoughts, you're a hero for surviving this.

He told me these thoughts are only a version of looking at life, they might be true, but not the full truth, the guy singing "what a wonderful world!" is also living in the same world but he is talking about an entirely different perspective.

He told me if you are waiting for depression to go first then do stuff and live your life then the vicious cycle will continue, you'll need to act first and the cycle will break later, you have to give your brain something else to feed upon.

I found his approach convincing and I will try it in the upcoming days.

I bought the new medication 💊 but haven't taken them yet.

Wish me luck 🙏🏻

[ACE135]

Hello 👋

Thank you for sharing this post. This absolutely makes sense and is something I worked out for myself after I recently experienced a few major traumas. I have been unable to work or socialise since these tragedies took place. Without work or people to distract me, I was left without a sense of purpose and my perception became a dark single track. The only thoughts that occupied my mind was all the bad things that have happened to me from childhood until now, and these thoughts were on a constant loop. I guess CBT is good for getting you to create different perceptions of the same situation, but when consumed with depression, your thoughts go with the perception that makes the most sense. I soon realised that I can either let these thoughts consume me and allow it all to get worse or I can start to untangle, confront and healthily adapt to everything one by one and improve my life any way I can. I can choose to let depression destroy me or I can fight to live my best life. I had to remind myself that it is a choice. I have had to force myself to be patient, understanding and kind to myself and not let the actions of others take away my self-worth. I have learned that time is a great healer and that I have this inate strength within to keep going. Affirmations, breathing exercises, tai-chi, yoga, writing in a journal, watching my favourite shows, reading and taking supplements have all helped me on my road to recovery. Writing lists of tasks at night and tackling them the next day is a fantastic suggestion because it may also help you fall asleep quicker if your mind is focused on achieving these tasks instead of focusing on negatives things. I am going to try this 🙂. Seems like you are working with a great psychiatrist. I hope this approach helps you, Do keep us updated.

[SuchiCat in reply to ACE135]

Hey there, ACE135!

This is such a wonderful and wholesome comment, and it encouraged me. I think all the things you said add up to my post and they fit together.

I'm having a similar experience; as I remember things from my childhood then feel sad, I think you're right; time will heal if I stop touching the wound and making it worse.

You are so smart for having worked out all that by yourself, thank you for telling me my Psychiatrist is great, sometimes I forget the value of good people or things in my life.

He was even very empathetic, I was in a bad episode, and I usually don't do that, but I called him on his personal phone because I was having such a hard time, he answered right away and was compassionate, told me to try to wear something and go to a cafe, and meet him once he goes to his clinic.

In 2023 a year before today I also found out I have trauma, I have my best friend to thank for that as she was the one that pointed out that to me.

I think that I should work too and have many people around me to keep me distracted, you're right. I tried CBT before with a very nice doctor and she was my friend and she helped me a lot, specially with my social anxiety; as she helped me make friends when I went back to college, but I also found that depression is strong at times against the new neutral thoughts, it's as if it dismisses them really easy and brush them off then return to the previous perception. I quit, although I still miss my kind doctor.

Thank you, your comment is so nice, I'll keep you updated! 🙂

[ACE135 in reply to SuchiCat]

Hi, SuchiCat. I’m glad you appreciated my message; I actually hesitated for a moment before sending as I thought perhaps I wrote too much etc. It’s amazing how critical we can be of ourselves!

I think depending on the childhood trauma or recent trauma, it can be beneficial to “touch or re-open the wound” as a way of healing the wound for good. I cannot go back in time and make different choices which would have had better outcomes, so I am living with a lot of guilt, regret and fear of the future. I can work on alleviating the guilt by understanding what led me to behave a certain way and then forgive myself. I can work on alleviating regret by understanding human behaviour and protect myself from horrible people and establish boundaries with loved ones, and also forgive myself for being naive and foolish. I can work on my fear of the future by focusing on the things I can change and take small steps to reach my goals. Sorry, my point is ignoring your pain from the past might not be ideal, especially if there are things that happened to you that don’t make sense or are incredibly unjust.

I’m glad you have a best friend who is supportive.

Everyone is different. It’s about finding what’s right for you. If you’re not working right now and feel anxious, you could try voluntary work in a quiet place to start with as a way to avoid too much pressure. I’m not working at the moment due to an accident last year, but I’m adapting to a new way of life and exploring different purposes while I heal. The brain is a powerful tool, so finding ways to use it to your advantage is my advice. The intrusive thoughts you get that are very negative, I would encourage you to challenge/question them. So many things went wrong for me last year and the thoughts/memories were tormenting me. I actually had to say in my head, “Go away, we are done”. I believe we have control over our thoughts, but it takes a lot of effort and practice to train the mind to think better by changing negative thought patterns. I’m a work-in-progress, so I’m probably just talking in riddles 🙂

[SuchiCat in reply to ACE135]

Hi, ACE135

Yes! I know the feeling, it happens to me a lot that I find myself wanting to write something then questioning whether I'm going to bother someone! 😄 and of course I know it's the very low self-esteem in me talking and criticising me!

I have had negative experiences in my childhood, that made me have low self-esteem and criticize myself. They were traumatic events, but since I didn't understand the full extent of the word 'trauma' I didn't know that they were.

Things like having a parent getting their emotional support from you and having an emotionally unhealthy environment in your home.

I've always thought that going back to the mess in my childhood and untangling it is something I want to do, but this takes a lot of time and energy, and with being dysfunctional due to the depression, there're more urgent things, like not forgetting to eat all day, and not forgetting or ignoring taking my medication.

My approach is to try to behaviourally work on the more urgent things, like the things that need fixing in the here and now, while working on my trauma with my other therapist.

It's overwhelming because things are connected, and the fear of failure and feelings of helplessness are actually a response to the traumas. My therapist told me on Monday in the session that her diagnosis is Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

I think all the solutions or strategies you wrote about dealing with each of your problems make perfect sense, and I think that you are in a good stage in understanding the problems and breaking them down, the analysis is clear and the solutions are very good actually!

The "the brain 🧠 is a powerful tool" part for me is my favourite part; as it reminds me of the astonishing ability of the human brain to heal and adapt, and of its plasticity and ability to change, and I think that this gives me hope, if the brain is powerful, then it must have the capability and potential to heal and thrive, and this is a good reminder when faced with psychological anguish.

Great to hear from you again! ☺

[MPHLover]

I wish you good luck!I like that point of view. I'm going to try it too. Thanks for sharing!

[SuchiCat in reply to MPHLover]

Hello MPHLover, thank you!It makes me glad that you actually benefited from that. If it works out for you, please let me know!

You're welcome!

[mizzou7016]

you survive because that's all your brain and body know....how to survive.....doesn't he think that if it were as easy as turning on and off a switch that we would continuously turn it on and off....nobody wants to deal with depression....no one wants or likes to deal with anxiety....for me....my anxiety and depression have lasted for over 25 years...and has gotten worse in the last 5.....if I could just turn a switch I would....hoping it gets better by the end of the year when I "get out of prison"....but i doubt it.....just do the best that you can

[SuchiCat in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes I wish there was a button to turn it off! I hope your situation gets better, you do your best too 🙏🏻

[PhoebeAgora in reply to mizzou7016]

Agree, mizzou. There are many voices at the table in my mind and they all deserve compassion and acknowledgement. They all deserve to be heard and explored. I actually look forward to therapy which helps me understand all of me, even the sad parts. I'm kicking no part of me to the curb.

[Agora1]

Wow SuchiCat, that's the best advice I've heard from a psychiatrist in a long time.

The doctor gave you positive things to digest which it seems have helped you see

your situation in a different light. Doc is a winner. Continued success. xx

[SuchiCat in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora1, I'm even excited to try this way of looking at it! 😄😊