Keeping a Secret

[deezlife]

I haven't been lying but I can't seem to open up and talk about my anxiety and adverse childhood experiences with my husband. He is really great in supporting my physically, if I need it, but mentally not so much. I think that is some of my hesitation to talk to him about what is really bothering me. I wish I could speak more openly. It seems that telling complete strangers is easier. Why is that?

[Sugaree]

hi deezlife, I told my husband bits and pieces of my abusive childhood over the last 20 years. Sometimes I wish I didn’t. It’s ugly and hard for him to really understand. Unless you come from an abusive family it must be hard to relate. Over many years of therapy I went through the grueling process of remembering things that I had repressed. Now , I would prefer not to remember again. I am happily married with 2 daughters and 3 grandchildren. It is important to tell your story and naturally share it with your spouse. It just isn’t that easy. Well sorry to go on and on. Whatever you decide to do, I hope this helps a little,knowing that you’re not alone. Sending a hug…

[deezlife in reply to Sugaree]

Sugaree, thank you for your insight. Some of what you mentioned are my concerns too. My husband is also a solution type of guy and this isn’t something that can be solved or needs solving on his part. I have also hid the memories from myself. I think I need to work on myself a little more before I can tell him.

[Formula1fan]

You can tell a complete stranger because you have zero fear it will damage your relationship. If you do not feel great or well received after telling a stranger you can get up and walk out and never see them again.

I know this because I was experiencing paralyzing anxiety and not telling anyone. It finally got to a point something really bad happened and I knew I could not like that. I started by opening up to a Specialist and it was so easy I could not believe I had waited so long. When I talked to my loved ones, they offered nothing but love and support..they actually said they knew something was bothering me but they were waiting until I was ready...telling them actually comforted them. Once I starting talking it was like a weight was being lifted off me and being set free....

[deezlife in reply to Formula1fan]

Formula1fan, thank you on some level I know he will be supporting but I am also at the stage where I am having trouble with my own emotions and anxiety as well as accepting my own reality. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

[Azalea1]

I think it might be worth having the conversation of what kind of mental support you need before you start talking to him about the things you went through. Men are not wired the same way women are, and in lots of situations they are not taught how to talk about feelings and emotions. So sometimes you have to take the time to teach them what you need because they can't read your mind. And a person who loves you will be willing to learn.

[deezlife in reply to Azalea1]

Azalea1, I love the idea of working on supports before anything else. That is something we need to revisit. Our ideas on comforting can be quite different.