HiI just was looking for a community to chit chat about how this stuff effects people and myself. Looks like I found a decent place, which is nice.
I was diagnosed depressed with anxiety a while back. I can't remember exactly dates and years. In fact some years are just blurs at this point. Sort of feels like I've been asleep for a lot of it, or running away from something ig?
I pretty much went and did whatever impulsive thing came to mind, cuz I felt something from it other than just fear and sadness. Idek why I chose to do what I did at this point.
Now, I'm almost a year on a med that seems to work, I've got therapy. The struggle is still there though ofc.
Everyday I go into a job where I'm told directly by management I'm valued. Where my supervisor thanks me for being easy cuz I do my job right. Yet I always feel like they're gonna turn around and tell me that I'm doing bad. That the struggles I'm having with my issues are too much for the business to take. Though there's no evidence to this other than past jobs doing it to me.
I just had a second panic attack there 2 days ago. It was due to financial concerns and other stressful crud. Though I didn't even know those were something EMS gets called for until a coworker who was one told me how they had to go to these calls a few times in their experience. I didn't even realize it was an emergency situation at all, thought it was just something that happens sometimes. I felt embarrassed as all heck. I was crying for what felt like 5 mins in my managers office just trying to calm down. It was actually an hour I was in there though didn't even realize.
I'm thankful for my manager and coworkers for being there and showing support. I'm fortunate to have that.
I just wish it was easier for me to believe it's real. To stop thinking it's all a trick, and waiting for that gotcha moment to come. I wish I could accept their compliments and truly take them, without the thought that I'm just tricking them or something....
Anyway, I'm glad to have found a group where we all get to post our experiences and stuff. Glad to be here.
Hello..
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