Hello

[JerseyGirl57]

So I'm sad. Too tired to even be angry anymore. I honestly hate myself. My story in a nutshell: I was married for 25 years, until my husband left. I don't blame him; he left because I was unfaithful. Many times. No idea why; I am a kind and decent person (normally) but I just couldn't stop. I had affair after affair and finally he left. I have so much guilt I want to cry all the time. On top of that, I made a terrible mistake and invested with an incompetent jerk - losing well over $1 million and leaving me $400k in debt. I am angry and jealous of everyone who is married and/or has money. Just miserable. To the outside world, I look like a normal person, but the veneer of civility is exhausting. I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I feel it's all just to much to bear.

[cashew78]

This sounds like one of those situations where the first step is to persevere. It's not easy but everything definitely becomes easier when your on your feet. Do you have secure employment? Can you get some of that money back?

[JerseyGirl57 in reply to cashew78]

Thank you so much for replying...this is my first effort in posting ever, anywhere. Yes, I have a great job but debt is so insidious, you pay a bit but interest keeps accruing, plus it feels like there are always unexpected expenses, like with car or house - like I can't seem to make any progress. It's depressing as hell. Hard to respect yourself after doing something so unbelievably stupid.

[Artistfriend]

Im sure its very stressful but try not to beat yourself up over it, that never helps things, everyone makes mistakes.

It almost sounds like being married and having money were the start of your troubles

[012703060610]

Your story rings so true to home for me. I know what it feels like to be at rock bottom. My ex tricked me into moving to birth our third child near his parents across the country so they could help with the older kids. Seemed like a great idea. Well with 6 months of residency in that state, the kids couldn't leave without joint permission. I was working a national travel job and would have been impossible from a remote location. He was not working at all. I found myself homeless with a storage unit. While I wasn't unfaithful, I am fully guilty of scamming for the next guy when a relationship has run its course. Then I'd immediately move to another relationship. I have abandonment issues I suppose when I think about it. Now I've paid the ultimate price which is my health. I truly believe that getting COVID and the stress of my divorce, gave my my terminal diagnosis. When it came to money, somehow my ex ended up with 75% of the assets and I had to pay nearly $4k a month in child support. I had worked so hard and loved my career. Loss of health then meant loss of job. Here I am at 45, disabled, depressed, bitter and sometimes wishing the same....how do I get myself out of this? I just want you to know you are not alone. I appreciate your honesty and I am so sorry for your struggles. No one deserves much of what we are always up against.

[JerseyGirl57 in reply to 012703060610]

Hi,I'm so sorry to hear this...and I agree, we seem to both have serious and terrible situations. It's hard to cope when it feels like everyone around you is living happily, and I don't know about you, but I tend to wallow in my grief.

I call it grief because I think we're grieving the lives we had / thought we would have.

I try to spend time with my kids (who are, unbelievably, now 25 and 27) and my lovely, sweet cat. It helps.

Be well.

[Dolphin14]

JerseyGirl57

Welcome to the community.

Life choices bring life lessons.

Have you been through any therapy? There has to be some underlying reason for some of your choices as far as relationships go.

The money situation is a tough one. There are so many scammers out there. Any way to consolidate things? Have you talked to your bank?

Wishing you the best

🐬

[CLB1125]

Welcome to the group. Dolphin14 has a good idea. Many banks have a debt consolidation program. What is done is done and there’s no way to change what has happened. Put all your energy into moving ahead. Therapy looking into why you kept having affairs may be beneficial to you.

[Soniaishere]

Its hard to be without money. I was there before at one point. I think for some of you that had financial problem, work on that department. Money is not everything but it definitely helps. So, if you are renting a 2 bedders apartment, try to downsize or better if you just rent a room in someone's house. Best if you could move in with your relative or parents until you save enough money to get back on your feet.

Cut all expenses that is not a basic necessity. Before you make any purchases ask yourself can you live without this? Cut those gym membership and exercise at home. Cut those pedicure manicure, facial. Cut those going out for movies, eating out. Eat at home mostly. Instead of going out during weekend how about work weekend jobs. You will be earning money instead of spending money.

Good luck ladies and I am a financial consultant and my problem is different from yours.

[punkster]

I think that a therapist could help you sort this out. It sounds like you have some deep seated issues that are causing these behaviors. If you already have tried therapy, find a different therapist and try again.

[Teaching]

Please forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. I hope your ex forgives you too even if you are not together.

[JerseyGirl57]

Many thanks for all of the support and advice. Trying to keep my head up - I so appreciate all of your thoughts and will push on - feeling a bit more optimistic. Thank you again, I'm grateful for the help.