Spiraling down

[HJam5880]

My depression has been spiraling thoughts all night last night, today, and tonight. I don’t even know if that made sense but it’s been over 24 hrs now with the thoughts getting deeper and deeper. I am feeling unloved and unworthy of anyone loving and caring about me. I know these are negative thoughts that are not true things but they feel real and true right now. These thoughts have started because my fiancé doesn’t want to do the “thing” that makes us a couple and I’m starting to find myself pushing further away from him. He cares for me, kisses me, says “I Love You”, and all the other things except the actual “thing”. I feel like he’s just leading me on and that he will up and leave me one day because of all the crap that I’ve put him through with my ever changing medical needs. I’m 25 and will likely be having back and/or head surgery in the coming months. He says he’s fine dealing with it and he just wants to get me taken care of but I know it’s got to be weighing him down. He says his man parts don’t work anymore to do the “thing” but again my thoughts spiral and tell me that he’s afraid to touch me and make my back worse than it is. I’m tired of the spiraling thoughts and my medical condition has not helped one bit with them.

[PacoDennis]

Have you asked him why he doesn't do what you would like him do? If not, that is where to begin.

[HJam5880 in reply to PacoDennis]

He says his “stuff” don’t work. If it really don’t then I’m sure it’s stress causing it not to. I just don’t know how to help him because he won’t open up to me because he has never been taught how to put his feelings into words. He much rather bottle it up and deal with it himself. So I’m trying to be patient and let him deal with it, but it’s been months since we’ve done the “thing” and he’s tired of me asking him if we can.

[PacoDennis in reply to HJam5880]

I can feel how you are frustrated by his actions. I would feel rejected and tend to think the worst about my relationship with him. This creates negative thinking, and that drains us faster than anything. For me I reach a "rock bottom" and then decide to change MY behavior. I get interested in other things and quit thinking about "him". I do my own thing. He might get interested in you again if you life contently with yourself.Be an example for him. He might startsharing with you again.You need to change first so that he will not have you as an excuse. I don't mean to quit paying him attention, in fact treat him as a friend, but don't get hung up in his negativity. Good Luck!!!

[HJam5880]

6 days after this post and we finally did the “thing”. It took a lot of pressuring and emotions but I’m finally satisfied for a little while. I know this sounds bad but when he would turn me away I would get mad and finally I said “I’m sorry but I have needs that are not getting met and yes that makes me a little angry and upset.” So at 2am this morning it finally happened. I tried not pressuring him. I tried being patient and acting like it didn’t bother me but I couldn’t help it. It bothered me so much that I literally was thinking about breaking up if we didn’t do it soon. It has been months and we are young (25&27) so there wasn’t any apparent reason as to why it wasn’t happening. We aren’t older people who are losing their “drive”. So I became frustrated that I wasn’t having my needs met. If he wants to wait another 2 to 4 weeks before we do it again then so be it but not months. I’m young and in my prime time for babies (even though we aren’t having any right now) so that makes my “drive” even more and you would think it would his too since we are made to multiply when we are younger but no his was not high like mine. I’m just thankful we finally reconnected as a couple and I’m mentally in a better place now.

That being said, I’m still going through a lot facing possibly two major surgeries but it’s better than it was with my depression.