Struggling

[Woolybluecurl]

I'm really struggling this morning. I've had severe anxiety and depression for about a year and a half (actually my whole life), and nothing seems to be helping. I'm on 450 mg. Wellbutrin (the 5th anti-depressant I've tried), getting therapy once a week and trying to stay busy. I don't have any close friends or family nearby, so it's just my husband and me. What I'm feeling is the frustration of not being well enough to do all the things I see other people doing.....traveling, visiting friends and family, just enjoying life. I'm watching the world go by and I don't feel like I'm part of it (I know this is the depression talking, but it's very real). I feel so isolated and alone and afraid. I live in a beach community and there are a lot of young people enjoying the beach in their cute little bathing suits, and I'm 70 and mourning my lost youth. My doctor is talking about either trying new meds or microdosing (both are scaring me) and I have lost my confidence in being able to make decisions. I've always had a lot of faith in God, but I feel abandoned in all of this. I try to stay as positive as I can, but the last few days have been really hard. There are those sayings about "you're right where you're supposed to be" and "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Even though I've believed those things in the past, right now they seem so stupid. I'm struggling and suffering and don't feel like I'm making any progress. This illness isn't like other ones where you can see a light at the end of the tunnel.....the tunnel just goes on and on and on. My heart goes out to everyone on this site who knows what I'm talking about. Thanks for being there....though I wish we all weren't.

[Agora1]

Dearest Woolybluecurl reminiscing and grieving as what use to be gets us no where.

If we are lucky enough to have experienced the decades in our lives, we are blessed.

Remember, we are the ones who write each Chapter of our Journey.

Looking at what others can accomplish is a choice they make to keep themselves active

and make memories. We unfortunately, allow anxiety/depression to control our lives.

sad but true.

The answer is not solely in a pill form, it is a learned behavior that we have attached to ourselves

maybe even all our lives. It was expected by us and so we went along for the ride, never

trying to change the path. As we age, we look back at all we may have missed but unless

we stop that path of destruction, we tend to exist and not live.

Time to focus on the blessings all around you. Remember you are not alone, there are

multitude of people who as they age who can't travel and feel the loneliness that you do.

I've always found that what I'm feeling, I know others may be going through the same

thing. This always offered me an opportunity to change my life along with others.

Don't envy the Bikini Babies, this is their time just as we had. Time to write the next

Chapter of your journey. So much you can still do. Time passes whether we become

hopeless or continue on with goals still in sight. Believe in that . xx

[Woolybluecurl in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora1.....I know the heart of my illness lies in how I look at the world (glass half empty, not half full). Though I'm aware, I still struggle with how to change....