Mom again

[Against_the_current]

Please don't tell me "she's struggling" and "it's because of the alcohol". Just pass this post if you can't make me feel better. I don't need analysis. This is heavy enough. Im tearing up my soul and skin

[CLB1125]

I’m not sure what your post is really about. Forgive me. But I will not tell you her abuse ok . Whether she is sober or drunk. Abuse is abuse. You DO NOT deserve to be treated that way. My heart breaks for you and for all you are going through.

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

Thank you 🙏. She's twisting my perception. I was pitying her and letting her abuse me

[Isinatra]

I’m a recovering alcoholic…….Have you tried going to Al Anon? It’s a support group for people in your situation. There are online meetings as well as in person in case there’s not one close by. The meetings are comforting and educational as well. If you have tried it once all ready and didn’t like it, try again because all meetings are a little different from each other.

You described typical behavior of an alcoholic deep into their addiction. I wish you the best…..🍀

[Against_the_current in reply to Isinatra]

Thanks but she doesn't want to change and i need recovery

[CLB1125 in reply to Against_the_current]

Please read what Isinatra has said again. Al-anon is not to help your mother. It is to help YOU! To help you cope with her addiction. It is people who also have a member of their family that has an addiction. It is a support group. Give it a try.

[Isinatra in reply to CLB1125]

Well said. Thank you…..

[CLB1125 in reply to Isinatra]

you are welcome

[The_Butterfly]

I’ll bring Al Anon to you. Hi. I’m Butterfly. My boyfriend was an alcoholic. It was rough. Sometimes he’d be amazing— the boyfriend I always wanted, cute and smart and driven. Then, he’d drink and turn into this wretched monster who would insult me and abuse me and say all kinds of horrible things. I couldn’t count on him for nothing.

one day I went to an Al Anon meeting and this guy was talking about his boyfriend. He talked about how hard it is to just let the alcoholic drink. I had never tried just letting my boyfriend drink. I always stepped in to try to help him and control his drinking. So I tried it. I didn’t try to control him like I always did. I didn’t try to stop him from driving like I always did. It opened my eyes. That was the last time I ever saw him, because I saw how bad he could get. It was scary.

I never gave up hope that he would get better though. Years went by and I would have other boyfriends and still fantasize that he would knock on the door one day and finally be sober. I wanted so desperately for him to pick me over alcohol. Pick me! Choose me!

Instead he died 10 years later. 10 years of wishing and wanting. He never got sober.

So, yeah. That was tough. I had to give up on him. That was tough. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. In my heart, I know I did the right thing. I know I couldn’t control him and I know that if we had gotten married or if he had knocked me up like he wanted to, my life would’ve been hell. I’m kind of glad he died. It allowed me to finally move on. The man I’m with now is absolutely wonderful and loves me. He is not addicted to anything. I trust him and can count on him. So this wishing and wanting… that was the real hell. I got what I wanted when I finally took control of my own life. I picked me instead of wishing someone else would pick me. And that’s when I found my man.

[bethelbee in reply to The_Butterfly]

What a story..So glad things worked out well for you! I had a friend who was an alcoholic. A couple of us didn't even realize she was for quite a while until she didn't show up for a dinner and we went to check on her. She was passed out in her recliner. Long story short..missed gatherings, a missed Broadway show (I went to pick her up and she was drunk early in the morning), etc. I pulled away from her because the friendship was too toxic. Months later a mutual friend called and said she was found dead in her bed by her neighbor from alcohol poisoning. It was very sad.

[CLB1125 in reply to bethelbee]

Alcohol is such a horrible addiction. My son in law and his sister is having to watch their mom slowly dying from alcoholism. When her husband was alive he controlled her drinking, but after his death 3 years ago, she is sinking lower and lower. They have tried every avenue they can to get her help. But because she is competent, they're hands are tied. It's so sad.

[bethelbee in reply to CLB1125]

It really is a horrible addiction. Such a shame but unfortunately can't force anyone to get help. We were going to try and do an intervention but then her schizophrenic brother moved in with her for a while and she was busy trying to take care of him. I had talked to her daughter before she died and she said her mom had a problem for many years. She had gone to rehab a few times before I knew her but obviously relapsed; can't imagine what it's like. She was such a kindhearted person...

[CLB1125 in reply to The_Butterfly]

I have a similar story only I married him. I guess when the ring came on his mask came off. It was living with a bee hive. You never knew what set him off. It wasn’t until a councilor told me he will never quick drinking until he decides he wants to. I packed my things and never went back. He married two more times and abused them too. It wasn’t until a doctor told him it was either quit drinking or go blind. No one can make them stop drinking but we can control how we deal with it.

[The_Butterfly in reply to CLB1125]

I’m glad you got away. It’s true, we really can only control ourselves.

[Agora1 in reply to The_Butterfly]

I cried when I read your story with your boyfriend. If only my daughter could see that she

alone can't save him. It does take the person themselves to make that choice. She worries

about another girl but she doesn't realize his true partner is alcohol.

I am so happy that you didn't get married and were able to move on.

Thank you so much for sharing this powerful story. May it help others xx

[The_Butterfly in reply to Agora1]

Aww… you obviously care very much for your daughter. It is a hard situation, to be in, and to watch.

[Agora1 in reply to The_Butterfly]

Thank you for understanding Butterfly.

It's gut wrenching for sure. xx

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to The_Butterfly]

Ooh your story is heartbreaking but it also hits home for me as well. My family is full of drunks. A lot of them have passed away because of it. My uncle barely survived his stroke. My partner lost his brother from alcoholism. He wasn't a terrible person.

Even when he was drunk. He was still silly. I guess he really and truly believe he never had a problem. But I got to see it first hand and he definitely had a problem. When we were up there visiting his folks because his mom had a medical condition. We flew up there and turns out his brother and wife were also coming up too. Its like a 45 min drive from the airport to his parents house. It was my very first time I'm meeting my brother in law. And our first meeting he was drunk. Like I said it's about a 45 min drive. He had his other brother pull over at a liquor store to get a bottle of gin. The quart size bottle of gin. It was 2/3 finished by the time they pulled up to his parents house. His older brothers' eyes were so red and glossy. He was drunk. I talked to his wife who tried to be over dramatic and shaved her hair off to get him to go into rehab but it didn't work. She couldn't get him to go. Not even the mini strokes he suffered from. He lost a lot of weight and his muscle tone. I wished I had gotten a picture of my partner and his older brother but it slipped my mind. But I've learned to never let that happen again. Because turns out that would be the last time we would see him alive. He died later on at his house. It was very sudden and tragic. His wife was getting ready for work and he had gotten up. He started having bouts of dry heaving. She said she can get somebody to cover her shift to stay home with him. He waved her off and said it was a stomach bug. That he would go back to bed. He told her he loved her. She told him the same. And she told their son to keep an eye on his dad. She went off to work. Later on in the day she got another call and it was from their son that dad isn't waking up. She rushed home and meet up with paramedics as they worked on him. Unfortunately that could not save him. He died. He was bone dry. And that's what caused his heart attack. He was in his early 50s. 😞 Now Im sure to take a picture whenever I get together with friends and family. Cause you never know.

[Against_the_current in reply to The_Butterfly]

This thread is making me hopeless. I'm sorry but it's bringing me insane pain. I can't even scream. It's supressed inside, killing me. I don't want her to die

[The_Butterfly in reply to Against_the_current]

Of course not. Of course you don’t want her to die. You want her to stop drinking. You want her to be there for you. That is very painful. That’s why I posted— I wanted you to see that, as I did, and it saved my life. I want you to want to learn about alcoholism, and how it works. Codependency, boundaries, addiction… this is serious stuff that can take people down. But if we learn about it, we can make better decisions and save our lives.

But maybe this thread is too much. I don’t want to cause you pain. Do you want me to take down my thread?

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

This is very sad. Against_the_current you do not deserve what she inflicts upon you. The title of mother doesn't give her a pass. Nor does her being an alcoholic give her a pass. She's aware of right and wrong. Unfortunately she chooses the bottle. I'm sorry you don't feel loved and cared for as a daughter. You can only do so much.

Wishing you peace and love 🫂❤️