I can't stop crying

[Against_the_current]

And i can't even cry it out. Just im on the edge 24/7. Having brain fog. Fatigue. Panic attacks. Dissosiation. I'm so lost. Clenched jaw. Nightmares . Nothing brings me joy. My laptop is broken. My sister gives me zero attention. Mom's drinking all the time. Im graduating and have to find a job. No friends near. And all i can talk about is this pain. I force myself but it haunts me. I try to take walks but panic hits. I'm losing it. I'm losing it and nobody sees. Nobody cares. I need mom to stop it. Dad and sis to love me. Someone to hang with me. Some more time. A safe place to live. A SAFE PLACE TO LIVE. This is agony. I want to scream

[PuzzleArt]

At least you are still communicating on this site. That shows determination. It seems that fight now you are in a position that you feel has so many demands, and one part tells you, it is too much. I hope you can find someone you can trust with even just a small part of the load. I don't know because I am not there, but it sounds like you are thinking the way I do at times, that you have to solve everything at once, and by yourself! I am glad you continue to reach out, at least, to ask for people here to help. Some of their replies might help you to know you are not alone..and you have a higher power who can give you wisdom. I am not very religious, but sometimes I pray I will be given an answer I need, and I don't have to beg, or do anything to deserve it. .If we were "super" women and had all the answers, there would be no need for faith, because faith is for what we cannot see.

[PuzzleArt in reply to PuzzleArt]

Excuse the typo! I said "fight now" when it should have been "right now"

[storm2243 in reply to PuzzleArt]

i dont have words of wisdom but i feel how sad you are and if it helps to "type" things out loud do it!! i just recently found this site and i dont post often but just reading what other people say makes me feel better that im actually not alone

[funnychocolate in reply to storm2243]

I agree it is somewhat reassuring that I'm not the only person feeling helpless, scared, in pain with my stomach always in knots. My wife doesn't understand and just get mad that I can't get my act together which makes me even more anxious

[Against_the_current in reply to funnychocolate]

I understand that so well

[Against_the_current in reply to PuzzleArt]

Thank you so much. I really try and overthink what i should do and i end up nowhere. Even typing it out is taking effort and im glad you see it. I was so burnt out i dissapeared

[Overcomerthatsme]

this is exactly where I’m at right now . I pray it gets better for you .

[Against_the_current in reply to Overcomerthatsme]

And me for you. You're not alone

[Overcomerthatsme in reply to Against_the_current]

Thank you and same to you .

[SoporRose]

I wish there were more people from Bulgaria here who might know of resources you could tap. Scream into a pillow if that’s what you need to do. It might relieve some of the pressure inside you.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. Just Bulgarians don't understand. Im never alone and too scared and numb to scream and i need it

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

"Just Bulgarians don't understand." That's why I keep hoping you'll find a way to get out of Bulgaria.

When is graduation? I know that event marks a time of great uncertainty, but may I say that I am incredibly proud of you for continuing your education and graduating? Your accomplishments are a sign that you have some strength on which to draw and that there is real reason to hope you can make your life better.

[corgi_fan817]

I have been there before. Especially the early days of my diagnosis. Not sure if you have been taking in any medications, but they really helped. The waiting for them become effective was the hardest part.

It is great you are online talking about this. Talk is the best therapy. Sounds like you have so many things on your mind. My suggestion is to look at them one at a time. Whether its family or job, or anything else.

You can do this.

[Against_the_current in reply to corgi_fan817]

Thank you so much. I needed someone to understand i need to talk online

[April2024]

A website I have found very helpful is therapyaid or therapistaid.com. I use calm too. You can do by yourself any time of day or night. Print out the work sheets and have them near to you.I feel your pain. I have been there many times. People told me "this too shall pass" and I just couldn't believe it. But it is true either the right interventions. Seek a therapist as soon as you can

[Against_the_current in reply to April2024]

Thanks. I've used these tools but it's too much. And really broke for a therapist who only messes ne and agh my head is really a mess. You understand

[April2024 in reply to Against_the_current]

Some places are not for profit and offer therapy on sliding scale or no charge. It is worth getting it out if nothing else. Hope you are doing better