poisonous environment

[SleepingTurtles]

I have no idea how to deal with an environment that is so mentally toxic. I can’t leave this place at all. I just feel mentally overwhelmed and feel like panicking.

I am trying to stay calm but I feel like I am going to panic. I will probably just go to the park soon but unfortunately I have to go back to this poisonous environment and sleep and back into this cycle again. I don’t completely understand how to get out of here. I am still waiting to get a therapist hopefully I can get it soon. I swear I wish I wasn’t born at all. I don’t know why I just struggling, I am just like why can’t I just get job, why can’t I just finish the stupid degree, why can’t I just be normal. It is extremely difficult to cope with this unfortunately.

I think my emotions are probably between a 8-9 and I just think 10 is the panic attack. I am just having a hard time finishing normal tasks and do homework and getting a job. I know I will just lose the job anyways. Everything I do feels pointless. I am still trying to eat healthy, do exercises and do some tasks but I feel no improvement I feel panicked and that this nightmare won’t end. It just makes me want to sleep all day and feel suicidal every few days. I just end up doomscrolling which makes me emotionally depressed and hate myself more.

Unfortunately it has become an impossible task to find someone to talk about my problems. I feel like if I do find someone I am afraid about talking about everything about me and I don’t want to loop about my problems. I worry once I loop I will stop talking to this person. I don’t want to annoy them. I have a hard time finding a solution that works for me. I feel hopeless. I now the solutions but have a hard time doing them. I just learned this helplessness and think maybe it is all adhd that is why I am this way and need professional help as soon as possible. Despite this learned helplessness I still try to push myself, but when I do I accomplish very little and it is so irritating. I see people do the same task and they finish it so much quickly. I lose hope and instead of reading I just go cry in my bed because I can’t finish reading this textbook that I must finish and prepare for a test. I throw in the towel. I can’t really rely on anyone in my family because I tried to do that and they just don’t care enough so what am I supposed to do? I am probably really close to flipping my life around into the positive. All I need is a job, finish several classes and things will improve. Also a better social life too but talking to people is all difficult. I struggle to keep friends.

[optimismrus]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Remember, it's one step forward, two steps back. Don't let today's challenges take away the progress you're making. Pat yourself on the back for working towards a better life. Many people will tell you your ego is threatened by your new ways and I agree. Your ego has spent a/your lifetime in training and it's not happy with change. Sorry if this was too deep. Keep going Sleeping Turtles! I promise it will be way worth it. 🥰

[Hidden]

Maybe, just maybe, all of us could be of help if you give some details ,the best you can to what you have tried and am trying to find relief from your symptoms.

For me, without that relief I couldn’t much function. With it I can

[wiggity_whack]

Sounds to me like you have CPTSD from a neglectful upbringing! I strongly recommend listening to "Crappy Childhood Fairy" on YouTube or reading her blog.

crappychildhoodfairy.com

youtu.be/2DeFHOEEgrM?si=UZK...(Not working as expected?)