I'm 33, a single mom of 2, full time student, work part time, and I'm freaking angry all of the time lately. Well at work and school I'm ok. They give me a break and serve as a distraction. At home is when everything hits the fan. My kids aren't bad kids by any means but they drive me crazy lately. I rarely get a break but once every few months if I'm lucky. I want to enjoy them and my life but something changed over the past month. A little history about me. I've always suffered from anxiety/panic disorder and some depression. I had a hysterectomy about a year ago and a few months ago they stopped my hormone therapy. I don't take dep/anx meds because I need to be as clear headed as possible for school. I don't really have a social life because I'm always busy or stressed. Like this weekend I have plans to go out of town to see some family. I'm actually upset about going because it interferes with my studies, finances, and the little free time I have before my next semester starts. I only have one friend who I talk to but we are polar opposites when it comes to our lives so it's hard to connect with her anymore. I don't know why I can't make any new friends. I'm an extrovert and love socializing but it doesn't seem like I can make a new friend. The one friend I have, I've known since I was 10. I'm so freaking lonely. I do have a boyfriend but he's out of town for work a lot and even when he is in town I don't think it's healthy to depend on him for all my social needs and my happiness. Sometimes I really wonder what the point in this life is. We work most of our lives away and rarely find time to enjoy the little time we are here. My mom passed away a few years ago and that really did a number on my life perspective. It seems so short. I'm terrified of dieing one day even though I try my hardest to have faith. Hopefully one day all the struggles and hard times will make sense.
Depression presenting itself as irrit... - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety and Depression Support
Hi lady, it sound like you are spread really thin. Can you cut your schooling to part time? I think you are just under too much pressure and getting burned out. All your energy go to work and school and nothing left for your kids or yourself.
Hi, yes I am spread way too thin. Unfortunately, I can't cut down on the course load in order to finish as quickly as possible.
Well, dear, i know what you are saying. I, too, went through school as a single parent of two small children and two teenagers, with a full class load, and a part time job. About two years in, I began to get these thoughts of why does it have to be so hard for me? I felt an anger that seemed to simmer just below the surface. Since it began to interfere with my studies, I stuffed it all down. Way down deep. I continued with a heavy classload, because I felt a compelling urgency to finish it. Besides, I was going on a grant that required a certain number of credits per quarter. It seemed there a lot of obstacles in my way. But i was determined. Two years later, just after graduation, and a new job, I crashed. I took medication for the first time, and managed to get through my work duties. My job was stressful, and took far more of my time than I expected. Still, my kids had a nice house to live in, nice clothes to wear, good food to eat. They had gadgets to occupy their time, while I worked.
I knew that I should seek out a more active social life, but I could not find any extra minutes to spare. Medication kept me from the suicidal thoughts that crept in, but I still had depression and anxiety. Actually, I has psychotic depression, so I did not trust doctors to find a solution for me. Maybe a medication adjustment would have worked. And besides, there were days when everything seemed fine, and I was happy, cheerful. If only I could have stayed that way.
I look back on those days in college. I missed a lot in seeing my children grow up. Not only that, they missed having a mother. Could I have done it differently? For the life of me, I still don't see another way. My college diploma brought me and my kids, a decent paying job, with good benefits. A better life, a life away from poverty. It was solely up to me to be their provider. I had a pension that I am using now, to continue to live a decent life. Some of my kids are having a hard time with life, and I wonder if it would be different for them, if I had chosen differently when they were growing up. I have extra minutes to spare, now. More time with friends, to do things I wanted to do before, but there were no minutes.
I think, we, sometimes, just have to relax, choose the best course of action that we can, and be content with it. Nothing is perfect, nor even remotely close as far as I can tell. Be kinder to ourselves. Most of us have done the best we could do, given the circumstances.
I wrote a whole response to this earlier today but just noticed it never posted. Thanks for sharing your story with me. It really is about what circumstances our individual lives have. Like you this is the only way I can see ever being able to get somewhere one day. I want to be able to help me kids when needed and be an inspiration for them to to do better in life than I have.
It could be a byproduct of ending the hormones. Have you discussed your concerns with your doctor?
They ended my hormones because of another medical condition that it was causing. I haven't spoke to my Dr yet in hopes that I can find a way to naturally find my balance again. If things don't improve soon I will be reaching out to my Dr and starting therapy again.
Hi Unicorn_rainbows, I agree with lynnalice that you're spread thin/have a lot going on. I commend you for doing so much to improve your life for yourself and your kids.
I relate to the anger directed at kids. We put a cork on it during the day but something gives when we get home.
One question. No to push meds.... but why do you feel you won't be clear headed on an antidepressant? Bad experience? This could be just what you need right now.
Some meds made it hard to retain things I was learning. There were some adjustments and changes made at that time but I never felt quite right. I believe I am relapsing but would like to try other avenues to improve things before going back to meds. I really think in my case if I could learn some positive changes and really apply them to my life then things could get better.
Please make your children your friends. Make it your mission that their welfare, progress ,education,health takes priority over everything else. I know it’s very easy to let the stuff hit the fan and not realize the effects on the children—they are an easy target in so many ways. If you continue to do what you are doing, when they grow up they will do the same to you—what goes around comes around. Please forget visiting the relatives. Your first commitment is to yourself and your children. Give them all the time, love and everything you have and feel the satisfaction those things and your children give you 💐❤️🇺🇸
I give my children my everything. They are the very reason I am doing everything I'm doing.Even when I don't feel I have anything left to give I still do what I can to make them happy. I can't make my kids my friends yet. Yes, we have a very good open relationship but there are certain things that I cannot discuss with my kids yet.
I had a whole different perspective on my own mortality after my mom passed away five years ago too. We were very close and the loss was overwhelming. I went to griefshare. Have you heard of it? It’s offered nationwide so there’s a good chance there’s one in your area. It put me in touch with other women who were going through the same emotions I was, I made new, some lifelong, friends there, it helped ease my depression, and it gave me the tools I needed to start the healing process. They provided childcare for my two boys too. I suffer from anxiety also and I see a Christian counselor. One thing he told me has always stuck with me. He said to pour myself into things that pour back into me. That statement has helped me ever since in determining how I’m going to spend my time. Sometimes I have to say no to other things because I believe being a parent is the most important job in the world! I hope this helps. Hang in there and don’t ever lose hope. Life has a purpose and you matter. Hugs!
Thank you. I will definitely look into that. I'm wondering how you found a Christian counselor? I've always thought that could possibly help me.
You have been through a lot recently with major surgery and the death of your mom. Those situations take a lot of adjusting. Having a goal is helpful for depression so the fact that you are going to school is probably a good aspect of your life right now. It is hard to make friends when you don't have a minute to spare. Can you get friendly with any of the moms of your kid's friends? That is how I have made some really good friends. I hope you realize that you are doing the best that you can.
My anxiety keeps me from connecting with mom's in my community. I grew up very poor and from a rough part of town. I now live in an area where people are much more financially better off than I am and seem to live the fairy tale life. I don't want my kids growing up and attending school in the city I grew up in. But I just don't seem to fit in. While I can look and act like them I just don't think they will like me. I guess maybe that's because I don't like certain things about me...
Sometimes outward appearances are fake. I like down-to-earth friends too. Just be yourself. People do respond to sincere, genuine people.
I hope you're fine now!
I will still write my opinion and experience with the hope that it may help someone...
How I helped myself to feel better and to do everything I could not do! I suffer from Depression and anxiety but I feel better when I have Natural Pills Stress & Anxiety Day / Night - from Natrol. I only have 20 days since I have them and I feel better now, I want to do all those things that were before they were heavy like the grinding stones or they seemed impossible to do. Now I'm really surprising myself in a pleasant way, I manage to think more positively and the peak I manage to be happy to feel good what I did not succeed before.
Before that, we had a lot of bad states, negative states and inner rage. Before me it was a fight with me even to get out of bed in the morning.
Before the pills I help ironize myself and struggle with me to do all I have to do. Everything was terribly hard to do and even finish. I was facing myself by pushing my limits more and more (otherwise I would not have done / done the simplest thing,) Every job was a fight for me and I wanted to win it, that is, to do it. Everything solved, every exit in the city I saw it as a big victory over depression.
The idea is that after just 15 days of taking these pills I did not feel the need to fight because I felt good and everything I had to do was and is simple. Now I feel joy, thanks and gratitude that I feel good, And what do you think? People are starting to look for me to communicate with me what does not happen before. Clearly my change for the better has led to this. These natural pills do not add dependence, preserve mental clarity and make you feel good and make it simpler and easier.
I will continue to have them until my brain becomes accustomed to the state of well and all that is good and beautiful,
I suggest even from curiosity to inform you about these and their benefits.
I want you to get over all the unpleasant things and beat them all! So I want you all to go well over all the unpleasant states and beat them!
Let us "hear" well!