1. Reduced self esteem- Parents can get so frustrated with their own work that they tend to vent it out on people who are powerless and unable to hit back. And parents know exactly the things that may hurt the child deeply. My mom used to say- if I don't help her with chores or anything that she wants me to do then I am useless and born without a purpose.
2. Generational trauma- Parents who are broken themselves tend to react to situations in such a way that it always becomes about them. My mother wasn't supported by her father in her education. During COVID , I went for online sociology class where my mom was to sit beside me to give me " insights" for group discussion and force me to talk about it with the class. I once refused to do so ,and she commented how I was unthankful for the opportunity I was given , that she was so deeply involved in my studies which she expected from her father but didn't recieve.
3. Forcing opinions- My mother has never liked my partner even though he is a great one, for the 4 years we have been together, my mother has always called my partner as childish and unreasonable. Just because he cries when he gets emotional. He doesn't fit into my mom's view of a man. Even though I have never asked for her view.
4. Blaming- Apparently I was the cause of constraints between my parents marriage , for delay in diagnosis of my brother's cancer, for the bad life of my mom as per my mother.
5. Children ❌ trophy✅- After my mom's failed career , I was the only thing she could consider accomplishment for a long time. Because I was better at certain things in comparison to my cousins and that made my mom feel proud. But she wanted me to be best and in school she forced me to join music band which is one of the worst things I could do at school since the teacher was superstrict and I already lived like military at home.
6. Emotionally Unavailable - If I cry , I am weak and take things literally to heart, if my mom cries then someone has either hurt her or she is not feeling well and is in pain. I stopped talking to her about my feelings. And later after years , I finally opened up to my partner.
7. Illogical argument - I once told her that she expects too much from me and that she should focus on her own life. She argued that she should have thrown me away when I was born so that she could focus on herself and not waste 18 years of her youth on me.
Last year I was so near to breaking all bonds with that one person who had broken me but since my brother was diagnosed with cancer , I couldn't do that and had to shift with them for my brother's care.
I already lost one sister to another disease.And history shouldn't repeat. So my anger and frustration against my mom took backside. But I continue to harbour rough feelings for her.
Parents 
What to do?
Struggling to Cope
Worried About My Mother
