First Therapy Appointment on Friday.

[MetalEnjoyer]

My first real appointment is in a few days. I'm pretty anxious. The first time I went to therapy was not great. Struggled too hard to talk about everything. No more lying though. Gonna spill out my heart. I even been taking memos constantly. Try to write everything down to understand myself. Maybe get a glimpse of what I'm thinking out about on daily basis. It's stressful because I feel like they wont listen. But I know logically that can't be true because its their job. Isolation has totally screwed up my life. I'm sick and tired of coming home and disassociating my existence away. 95% of the time I feel like I don't remember what happened. It's so hard to live in the moment all I can think about is how derailed everything got now. It's such an empty feeling. I really hope this weekend some of my friends can get together. I really need to talk to someone people in person. It's so strange because when I do talk to people my whole world improves. I've shocked myself into a different world view and now I can't stop thinking about getting out of the house now and getting back on track.

[gajh]

I wish you the best of luck at your therapy appointment. Excellent that you are going to spill out your heart. The more you share, the more they can help you. I hope that this weekend works out for getting together with friends. It is great that talking to people improves your whole world.

[MetalEnjoyer in reply to gajh]

I been doing this thing. I'm a custodian so I clean multiple schools. So quite literally I'm dissociated all day thinking because I've always done this. Since I was a kid. So I started writing ideas, thought, concerns, and lot of info. It's part of why I've been doing the things I've been doing. I've always done it. I've just never acted or did anything on it. I also started reconnecting and spilling out to my friends. I've actually sort of became an anchor for everyone. We actually plan to get together on Sunday with like maybe more than 6 of us. Also I've been typing this out, cross crossed on the hood of my car, which is helping me think. Dude I became like a full blown hippie 😄

I should mention I'm giving that list of thoughts to my therapist.

[gajh in reply to MetalEnjoyer]

I think you are going to do great with your therapist. Have a great time with your friends on Sunday.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Wish you the best of luck on your therapist appointment. I had the same worry about my therapist appointment. Would they listen? Would they care? I know it's their job but just like people. There are some that are crappy at their jobs. I hoped I got someone who cared and I did.

I know I feel better helping others with their problems. But that's because I like listening to other people's problems. Gives me a sense of purpose and it drowns out my own because I'm used to my own demons. I rather hear someone else's.

I'm trying to be the real me. With my therapist. Just ashame I only get an hour. It's hard to talk about everything in such a short amount of time.

Anyways tell us how it goes! I have high hopes 🫂❤️

[MetalEnjoyer in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thats why im writing things down. There's only so much you can talk about. So I'm just gonna write down my mind. They can ask questions about it if they want too. It's something I Learned to help guide me when doing stuff. Especially with ADHD. My first therapist was not great. I missed one appointment and he charged me an insane no show fee. It was like nearly 300 dollars. Considering my abandonment issues and the fact that I struggled to communicate just set me off down a bad path. I'm going to a pay scale therapist now with a non profit so thats great. I'm sure they'll listen too because damn I got a lot of problems lol. 😄 Too be honest a part of me feels like I don't need it because the work I've been doing this last 7 weeks has been so significant. But lol no that would be a terrible idea. I may feel fine, but I definitely am not.