Hi all. I hope your week has began on a good note. Spring is in the air finally.
I just wanted to come on here to share that I had my first therapy appointment today. I was super nervous about it all day, and was fidgeting throughout most of the appointment because of nerves. And a lot happened I think. There's so many emotions going through my mind right now. I feel so overwhelmed; my brain feels like it has shut down. I feel so 'neutral', if that even makes sense.
If anyone wants to talk about the specifics of what happened, I'm more than willing to share in the comments. But right now, my brain feels so overloaded that it is so hard to explain all of my feelings. I hope that a good night sleep does the trick, but I fear it probably won't. Everything feels so overwhelming to me. I'm probably going to be very awkward at school tomorrow lol.
Anyways, that's all I really wanted to share. If anyone has had a similar experience please feel free to let me know. I would love to talk about it and see how we might relate at all.
Have a good day/night/whatever time it is for you. May you find peace through all of the confusion of life.
Hey that's great to hear that you went to your first appointment. That's totally normal for it to be nerve-wracking and there might be a lot of thoughts and emotions, but at the same time this is only the getting to know each other phase, so a lot might be left unsaid. If you'd like to talk more, feel free to drop me a line. I hope it went well 👍
Yeah, I'd totally like to talk more. I'm honestly headed off to bed kinda soon, but I might send you a message tomorrow at some point. Although I am super busy tomorrow with school, jazz band, and pit orchestra rehearsals, so we'll have to see. But I will for sure at some point message back.
Hi there Kainan. Sorry I didn't get a chance to come on here yesterday; it was super duper busy all day long.
My computer battery is running low, and I've lost the charger, so I'll have to make this kind of quick. Basically what happened is I talked to the therapist about the struggles I've been going through with my mom, and my boyfriend, and my overall depression-related thoughts and emotions. And there were two main points she made. The first was that when I experience something that makes me sad, I should stop, take a breath, and tell myself that it's going to be okay. Then I need to think if it's a life or death situation, and if it isn't, then it isn't worth making a huge deal over it. I shouldn't make other people upset because basically, the world doesn't revolve around me, which I knew.
The second main point was that instead of immediately having a negative thought process, I should stop, look at the situation, and then tell myself to decide to have a positive mindset going into the situation, because the result will be better. I think this one is more difficult for me because I tend to look at the negative parts of situations before the positive parts because unless something is 100% positive, I find the ways it'll be ruined. I guess it's just instinct to want everything to always be perfect, because when it's not, I tear myself down and tell myself that it'll never get better. I don't have that positive mindset. But I want to try to work on that. I want to be better for myself so I can be better for the people around me as well.
Those were really the main takeaways of the session. She recommended that I keep a journal of how I react to situations that would classify as "negative" to me. So I started doing that today, and so far, it's kind of helped. I'm supposed to look back at it in a couple days and see how I could have reacted to the situation better, so we'll see how that goes. Although I'm sure that I won't necessarily be very okay in a couple of days (if you read my latest post, it explains why).
Thanks for reading all of that, and for putting up with me haha. I definitely think I am a confusing person for sure. I'll talk to you soon. Hope you are doing well. Thank you for taking the time to reach out! It's nice that someone actually did, you know? I really do appreciate it. <3
No problem at all. I like the advice that the therapist recommended, particularly the first one. I think it's very useful to pause for a moment and see the situation for what it is and not what your mind imagines it to be. I find that can take away some of the sting, and more importantly, get out of that thinking/anticipatory mindset. I do it on the daily in addition to a sitting meditation.
Not making it a big deal is a sound idea, but at the same time you have every right to express how you feel. I don't feel you need to hold yourself back all the time thinking that you shouldn't make other people upset. Because you know just about everyone thinks the whole world revolves around them.
I personally don't like that term "positive mindset" because it's just not something that we can sustain. It's helpful for sure, but it doesn't come from forcing yourself to feel that way; it has to develop from within, and away from anything external. There's a reason why we drift more towards negativity, but when we are aware of both sides, we can then achieve an equilibrium, which is a lot more sustainable.
That's great you're keeping a journal. Always a good idea to jot down your thoughts and express them when you need to
I just had a lot to say reading that over, and I'm sorry if it doesn't make a lot of sense. We can go into it if you'd like. Or not
I'm totally down to go into it. Tomorrow is my last day of school before spring break, and then I work all weekend, and then I have nothing to do for a week, so I have plenty of time to talk on here. I definitely appreciate you taking the time to share your opinions on what I had to say. I really feel cared for, truly. So thank you.
Oh I bet. When quarantine first started about a year ago, it felt like it took forever to go back to school in the fall. And now it feels like the school year has gone by so fast. I really enjoy school because it's better than being at home, and it's a more positive environment to me, even though I get bullied almost every day. I still prefer it over being at home. Most of my friends are seniors this year though, so I'm not really going to have that many friends next year because most of them will be away at college. I'm kind of worried that they will drift away and I won't be friends with them really anymore. It's the same with my boyfriend. I'm worried he'll find someone better and just move on. I hope it doesn't happen, but it's always going to be a thought in the back of my mind. I wish things weren't so stressful though lol.
Yeah because I started planning this nearly 8 months ago. And I had to leave my job early last month. So, I'm in a new state with nothing to do for the past month and a half. I've been ready to go for a while and I'm excited for it to start next week!
I'm sorry to hear that you've been bullied at school. Have you talked to any staff at the school about what's been happening? Any chance you could distance yourself from those people?
Yeah that tends to happen between people from high school. Friends are gonna come and go and that's just part of the process. I'm barely connected to only one of my best friends from high school 10 years later.
Honestly, even if I tried to talk to the staff at my school, nothing would change. In fact, things might honestly be worse. I don't think there's any way I can distance myself from them either, but I've kind of just gotten used to it. The best way to deal with it in my opinion is to ignore it. Besides, my GPA is higher than theirs, so that's all that I need to know haha!
I'm glad you're able to go back to school though! I've always loved school because most of my teachers have always been super nice, and treat me better than my mom. I actually have a funny story from today. So because today was the last day of school before spring break, my band directors were handing out candy after band class and sectionals periods to us. But they apparently had way too much candy, so at the end of the school day, when I was walking back down to the band room to pick up my instrument to bring it home over break, I see my two band directors standing outside the band room with the giant bin of candy, throwing the goody bags at music students. It was so funny. I ended up walking away with four goody bags at the end of the day because they I grabbed one after band, one after sectionals, and then they threw two bags at me at the end of the day. So I should definitely have enough candy to satisfy my sweet tooth over break now lol.
I hope you'll share with me how school is going for you. I'd love to hear what it's like at college (I assume that's what you're referring to but correct me if I'm wrong). I love to see that other people also enjoy school because nowadays, most people would rather sit around and play video games all day. At least that's what I see happening. That's why I think people should try to get involved with school activities. For instance, I am in regular band, but also jazz band, marching band, and now, the pit orchestra (although that's something you get selected for and I was chosen). And I also have a job, even though that isn't the greatest thing ever. Having things to do is so amazing because I rarely can say that I'm bored now. Because whenever I'm not doing one of those things I mentioned, I'm probably doing homework or catching up on television programs that are on. Boredom = solved.
Hey that's awesome! It sounds like you are really involved at school, which is fantastic! That's a lot of band haha
Yeah so it is an university. It's a technical school, which means it's more hands on learning, which I prefer. The program I'm in (physical therapist assistant) goes at a pretty fast pace, so I really have to buckle down. The material seems more condensed, so I'll finish faster than a typical multi year program.
It depends on which one you go to. There might be more classes to choose from, more resources, activities...etc. You can just go after them if you so choose.
That's really cool, the program you're in. My long-term goal is to have my own practice, so I find that very cool that you're studying that. And honestly, I think having something that's fast-paced keeps you busy, so you won't have to worry about being bored ever lol. I really hope that goes well for you.
You know, I'm not really sure yet what exactly I want to do. I think I want to have my own therapy practice, where I can help people who are struggling with the same things I'm currently struggling with. I want to make a difference in peoples' lives. I'm not 100% sure how yet though, but at least I've got time to think.
Great! That's a good start. Yeah no worries. You got all the time in the world. You know I didn't think anywhere close to that in my late teens. It's gonna be an ever evolving process 👍
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my first time here 
My first time here....
First time here.. 
Feeling Lost And Alone
When you have nothing to say at therapy
